Broken
by leytonnaleybrulian
Summary: Rowan (Riley) has a great life, great parents, a great brother, the best of friends and her life seems perfect until she's asked out by an older guy that isn't who she thinks he is. A Girl Meets World story set in New Jersey. A story about friendship, love, pain, abuse, loneliness, family and finding yourself. Trigger Warning Rape.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This will have Riley/Lucas but it's a slow burn fan fic! Enjoy!**

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I woke up on Friday morning and rolled over to look at the clock. Time for school. Lucky for me I have great friends and good grades. I know most people don't like school but I don't mind it, but it's not exactly my favorite place. My favorite place was at the beach of course but that was any girl that grew up near the beach. Too bad it was September and too cold to swim. I sat up and smiled at the thought of it being Friday and exactly six months until my sixteenth birthday! The day most girls dream of is so close. I've had my party planned since the day after my fifteenth birthday, with my Mom's help. I wanted a big party with all of my family and my close friends. A pool party. Yes, my birthday is in March and I live in New Jersey. My aunt and uncle have an indoor pool in Ocean City. It's perfect since they live beach side and have the best view a girl could ask for. My Dad can cook on the grill and it's not too cold to not be able to eat outside. I even planned the decorations and color scheme. Pink and green. Sabrina, my best friend had her fifteenth birthday eight months ago. It wasn't the best. She came over to the Matthews household with her Mom and they ate cake. My family got her a lot of presents. Katy, her mom was upset because we got her stuff they knew she liked. Katy, not so much. It was resolved after she saw that we got Sabrina a present and put Katy's name on it. Sabrina's face was priceless. Her Mom thanked us for being so kind. We didn't do it to be kind. The goal was to make Sabrina smile. That was the best gift I could have given her. A bonding connection with her mom. I planned out a surprise for Sabrina. My birthday party, is pretty much a double birthday party. I was so excited to see the look on my best friend's face when she finds out.

We've been best friends since before I can even remember. We tell each other anything and everything. Sabrina lived at my house one summer because of her parents divorce. It was the best and worst time of her life she always says. I was her rock at such a hard time in her life and she was mine whenever I was bullied as a kid. If someone was bothering, Sabrina would push them down and get them to apologize. They always did and it made me feel better. She's the sister that my brother and I never had, my brother always jokes when I'm being annoying. It was true for me. I always wanted a sister until Sabrina came into my life. I continued getting ready while being excited our day was so close.

"Hey Sweetie." My Dad walks in and kisses my head wondering if I was ready or not.

"Hey Daddy." I smiled brushing my long brown hair.

"Almost ready to go?" I nodded.

My Dad works at my school as the assistant principal at my school. It was weird at first but now it's normal and nice to have him there.

"Breakfast!" My Mom said calling from the kitchen. I followed the smell of pancakes and sat down at the table. She's the best cook in the world, just ask any of my friends.

"Hey Rowboat!" Sabrina entered my house as her usual routine. Rowboat was my nickname I was given at birth. I think my parents named me Rowan, just to use that nickname. Sabrina came over every morning because she lived in an apartment complex down the road. She ate breakfast here since Katy sleeps in before work.

"Just in time for pancakes." My Mom sets a plate in front of Sabrina.

"Thanks Topanga." We ate.

My School was only ten minutes away but my Dad would take us every morning. We're going to the same place so why not? Some days if my Mom wanted to sleep in. We'd leave early and go to breakfast at a restaurant. My brother rides with his friends, so he always misses out. It's usually twice a month and it's really nice. My favorite thing in school was getting to have most of my classes with Sabrina and my crush. Kendall Hess, a grade older than the us. He's popular and good at sports while being average in school. We have classes like art, film lit, and math together. My math grades went from B's to C's for a month when my teacher sat us in the same row. I think she caught on the next day she changed our seats and then I was as far as possible from him. It was probably for the good. Sabrina and I sat in art class with our good friend Lucas.

"Hey guys." Lucas said grabbing his pencil from his bag.

"Hey" I smiled.

Lucas was friends with us growing up. He's funny, smart, kind and caring. The best guy you'd want in a friend. Sabrina liked him. Lucas's always had a thing for someone. Sabrina and Lucas aren't dating. They've gone out once or twice but Lucas is too hung up on some girl. Sabrina has no idea. I feel bad because I know if Kendall was hung up on a girl I would want to know. I couldn't betray my friend though.

"Did you get the English essay done?" Lucas asked me wondering what my topic was one.

"Yeah it was easy." I answered

"I know!" Lucas smiled.

"Nerds!" Sabrina giggled.

"Shut up blondie!" We laughed before getting distracted.

Kendall walked into the room and I stared at him. He looked just as good as he's ever been. The way he walks and talks is just magic to me. He has the dreamiest big brown eyes and handsome short black hair. Kendall was walking towards us and I couldn't believe it. I was speechless I looked over at my two friends.

"Hey guys!" Kendall smiled me and I gulped. Kendall Hess, talking to me? A nobody? As if. Sabrina looked towards me and back at Lucas. They were both as clueless as I was.

"Uh Hi." I awkwardly tried to get out without sounding slow.

"I'm Kendall." He spoke softly to not interrupt the teacher.

"I-I know." I said before realizing that might sound creepy. "I mean I-" I was cut off by Sabrina.

"Can we help you?" Sabrina wasn't a fan of Kendall. He plays with girls hearts and she didn't like that. She supports me as her best friend but doesn't want me to end up with him. Sabrina never actually thought Kendall would take interest with me.

"There's a party tonight. To celebrate the big game win last night." Kendall announced looking at Sabrina then at me. Was he asking me out?

"And?" Lucas said angrily.

"I wanted you three to be my guests." Kendall put his arm around me and I felt butterflies in my stomach. This was everything I've wanted since I laid my eyes on him two years ago.

"Where?" I asked him trying to be calm.

"Bridget Schmidt." Kendall smiled and my friends scuffed. "She's the head cheerleader." We all knew who Bridget was. Miss Perfect. She let everyone know she was rich and a bitch.

"We'll be there." I batted my eyes and had on the biggest smile.

"Cool." He kissed my cheek. I could almost faint. "See you tonight at 8." Kendall walks back to his friends. I was once again speechless.

"He likes me!" I smiled holding my cheek where he placed his lips. Sabrina and Lucas didn't have the same expression.

"Row, He's player. He preys on younger girls." Sabrina said. The bell rang and we all got up.

"We're going." I stated to my friends. I didn't care about what they thought. I wanted to have my shot with Kendall and this was my door.

"I don't want to" Lucas grabbed all his stuff.

"It's not a good idea." Sabrina didn't want to hurt her friend.

"You're just jealous. The both of you." I said angrily was we walked down the hallway.

"No! We're concerned and we don't want you to be hurt when he flirts with you for five minutes then moves on to someone easier." I looked at Sabrina exasperated. I couldn't believe my best friend would say something like that.

"It's nice to know what my really think of me. I'm going with or without you." I left not caring.

I couldn't concentrate all day. I had mixed feelings and emotions. Sabrina really hurt my feelings. Sabrina's suppose to be my best friend and wasn't happy for me. I have always been there for Sabrina but she isn't being there for me. I also couldn't stop smiling. I've never been to a party before I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure what to wear. Also a time where a best friend is called for. I stared at Kendall all period waiting for him to turn around and proclaim his love for me. Ridiculous, but after all I'm a fifteen year old girl. Sabrina tried to get my attention all day. I was hurt and didn't care to hear anymore criticism. It was almost the end of the day called I down to my dad's office.

"Yeah Dad?" I knocked on the office door wondering what's up.

"Hey Honey. I'm not going to be able to get home till late. Can you take the bus?" He asked me.

"Yeah of course."

"Okay good."

"Is there anything you need Rowboat?" I looked at him with puppy dog eyes.

"There's a party tonight and-" His face fell.

"Will there be parents? What kind of party?" He irrigated his daughter.

"Daddy, It's a small celebration party." I noticed that didn't change the look on his face. "If Lucas and I were invited don't you think it's safe?" I knew to play the Lucas card. He was the nicest guy and he'd never be invited to any party that wasn't a good party.

"You can go be your curfew is 11pm." My dad agrees.

Sabrina walks inside. "Hey Mr. Matthews, What's up?" I looked at her and frowned looking at my feet.

"You girls have to take the bus home." My dad said looking down at his book.

"Okie dokie" She laughed.

"Don't party too hard tonight." He laughed. I crossed my fingers hoping she wouldn't ruin the plans.

Sabrina looked at me. "We won't." She said softly.

"Where's this party at anyway?" He wanted to know the exact address.

"Bridget Schmidt" Sabrina answers. Uh oh.

"What? She invited you?!" My dad was confused at our sudden popularity. I knew it was pretty much over now.

"A guy on the football team did." Sabrina answered. I gave Sabrina a look and she didn't catch on. There was no way my dad would let me go now knowing there was a guy involved.

"It's for the football team?" He asked me.

"Yes Daddy." I answer hoping he'll just buy into my puppy down eyes.

"Row, I don't like it." He stares at us trying to make us see he's not being unreasonable.

"Please?" I begged. "I get good grades and I've never been in trouble before daddy. I'm the perfect child." I used that card because this party means a lot to me.

"I'm sorry Rowan." He reached over and grabbed my hand. "You are fifteen years old. You don't need to go" He put his foot down. It was game over.

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 **Author Notes:**

 **This is a girl meets world story, I changed the first of Riley and Maya names. I love Rowan Blanchard real name and Sabrina is such a pretty name. Kendall is a new character! So is Bridget! There is No Farkle or Auggie instead Rowan has an older brother Jamie! The rest of the characters have the same name as their characters. Please review it helps!**


	2. Chapter 2

After a long day of good and bad Sabrina and I got on the bus and rode in silence until she spoke. I was so mad and didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"I'm sorry Row, it's for the best anyway. We don't need to go to the dumb party." Sabrina looked at me. I could feel her eyes though I was turned towards the window.

"We're going to the party." I say turning around looking at the shocked look on her face and continue looking out the window. Sabrina didn't want anything bad to happen to her friend. I get that, she was scared. It's my life and I appreciate that she has my back but she's not the boss of me. It was time for me to stop hiding in her shadow.

I begged my Mom to let me spend the night at Sabrina's house with her cousin. That was the only time we wanted to sleep at Sabrina's house since Katy wasn't always home. Work was beginning become Katy's identity. They allowed me. My dad trusted us to not do something if we were told not to. Sabrina use to challenge that a lot as kids but she's grown up the past year.

I didn't want to lie to my parents it made me feel bad, but I like Kendall so much that it made me not care. I didn't care about the party itself all I wanted was to go to this party and see him.

To dance and have a real conversation with him. To end the night with a kiss in hope of becoming his girlfriend. I knew that was unrealistic. I was too much of a nerd, but clearly not that much of one that he wouldn't invite me to this party. A dance was doable because he did invite me after all, but I knew that a kiss and boyfriend wouldn't be on the menu. Especially with his reputation, I know Sabrina was right about that but why couldn't I at least have one fairytale night? I did have the thought of maybe I could make him fall in love with me. I showered and got into some sweats. I had time to kill before heading to Sabrina's house. I was getting really scared about all of this. I'm not use to having Friday night plans that didn't involve my couch with my best friends or my parents.

"Knock Knock." My brother said before entering my room. I looked up at him waiting to hear what he wanted. "Did I hear correctly that you were invited to Bridget's party?"

"Yeah." I said looking at my older brother's shocked face. I know I wasn't popular but come on I'm not this awful. "What's the big deal?"

"Mom and Dad aren't letting you go are they?" Jamie asked me with this weird look on his face. He never acts like this I was so surprised.

"No they aren't." I paused wondering what he was thinking. "Why?" I added.

"Those people going to that party aren't people I want my little sister hanging out with." He mentioned. Jamie was concerned too? Why is everyone acting like I'm a piece of glass today? I'm tired of the tiptoeing around me, I wasn't broken.

"It's not of your business!" I yelled at my older brother. "Can you just leave me alone?" I was really angry. "I'm not going so you don't have to worry." more and more lies but it's worth it.

"I'm sorry Rowan." He sighed. " I'll go but next time don't ask to go to a party like this make the decision on your own. You're smart enough to know what you should or shouldn't be doing."

My brother said before walking out of my room. I rolled my eyes, everyone was getting on my nerves. I'm usually not this moody but everyone needed to mind their own business. I laid on my bed watching the TV counting down the seconds until it was time to go.

"Is this good?" I asked Sabrina later in the day after arriving at her house. I was wearing a purple haze beaded cocktail dress. It wasn't sluttly but it wasn't innocent either.

"Row, You look beautiful." She smiled at me and it made things feel normal again. Sabrina was wearing a black dress with a jean jacket, her usual party attire. I wouldn't know much about that but I've helped her get ready for parties I wasn't allowed to attend.

"Are you sure you want to go?" Sabrina asked one more time hoping I change my mind.

"Positive. Can't you just be happy for me?" I asked her hoping she would lighten up and have fun. It's ironic. Sabrina always wants me to lighten up, to have more fun and now it's me that wants her to.

"I can." Sabrina sighed and sat down with me. "I'm sorry I was being a bitch." She continued and my eyes softened. I pulled her into a big hug.

"You aren't a b-word Sab." We giggled. I don't really ever curse unless I stub my toe or something. Sabrina didn't filter herself as much as me but we rarely use them to describe ourselves or others. Life is too short to be so negative is what we always thought.

"I was just concerned." She apologized to me seconds later. It wasn't a bad thing she did, I knew her intentions were to protect me. I was overreacting.

"I'm sorry too." I pulled her into my arms again. "I know you're lookin out in my best interest but I can do that myself."

"I know" Sabrina smiled at me as we pulled away and continued getting ready.

We met up with Lucas nearby and all walked to the party. It wasn't far. Lucas and Sabrina were still worried about Kendall and me. You could see it in their eyes. Sabrina chilled out more after our talk and she trusted my judgement. I was always responsible, why would now be any different? It was 8:30 pm when we arrived. Perfect timing, everyone was getting the party started. It was pretty crowded though.

"Wow Bridget has a lot of friends." Lucas said looking around the room.

"I don't think she even knows half of these people." Sabrina said staring at a group of people that were smoking pot. There was no way miss perfect would associate herself with people like that. Luckily there wasn't a bunch of drunk people, yet. We all got sodas and found a spot that was way less crowded to talk. Sabrina and Lucas were talking about Bridget's snobby rich parents.

I hardly hanged on to the conversation I was looking for Kendall. He was nowhere to be found, but it was still early. Sabrina informed me that most people don't show up to parties till 9 pm. Why was she so much cooler than me? We grew up together, we should be the same but we aren't. Lucas was a good mix between Sabrina's inner coolness and my inner nerd. He moved here from Texas when he was seven. We took him under our wings and we've all been inseparable ever since. The only thing was they were my only real friends but they both had other friends. That was always hard but for some reason they always put me first.

I watched people dance with their boyfriends and girlfriends. I wanted to be one of them, if that wasn't pathetic as it sounds. It wasn't because I wanted to be popular or cool. I wanted someone that cares for me as much as my friends do and not because we grew up together. I wanted someone to like me for who I am today and not from childhood. I wanted to fall in love and I want Kendall to be that person. He approached the three of us. I felt like I couldn't breath.

"Hi. I'm glad you could make it." He hugged me tightly. It was the longest four seconds of my life. As dramatic as I sound it was true. He pulled away and turned to my friends he quickly side hugged Sabrina and shook Lucas's hand. So polite, handsome, smart, athletic. Kendall Hess was the best kind of guy there was.

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 **Author note**

 **The more reviews the faster I will post! This story will get a little dark next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

"So I have a few people to say hi to, relax and I'll be back in a little while. Then we can dance." Kendall winked with a smile. There was nothing but amazing in him, he wanted to spend time with me. Why did I get so lucky?

"Okay." I sweetly returned the smile. Kendall left and I turned back to my friends. I saw Lucas sigh and grabbed a drink. "What are you doing?!" I yelled seeing my friend drinking beer. I was shocked this was not something I would ever expect from Lucas.

"It's a party Rowan." He looked right through me and I was confused.

"So?" I questioned my best friend.

"There's nothing to do besides drink." Lucas said. It's not going to hurt." I rolled my eyes at his comment. Why was he doing this?

"He's right I guess." Sabrina grabs a drink. "Want one?"

"No." I turned it down, I knew better. Sabrina and I stared at each other as she cracked the beer open. I never thought my friends would do something so stupid. Sabrina had drank before. We were thirteen and my parents left us home alone. She got into the champagne and I couldn't stop her. In her defense she had just found out her dad cheated on her mom when they were married. She promised she would never do something that stupid ever again.

"Alright then." Sabrina said wiping her mouth.

"You guys are being idiots." I said thought maybe it was me that was the odd one out. Everyone was drinking. Now my friends? Did I need to drink to be popular? That I didn't care much about, but what if drinking was the only wait to get Kendall's attention?

After a while the party was getting louder and drunker. There was more people and the bathrooms were full. The food was raided to no surprise. It looked like a parade came through here. Kendall still hasn't stopped back over. I only seen him once in the past hour. Could he really have that many people to say hi to? I know he's popular but it's not even his party. It's Bridget's and she is drunk dancing half naked. What was Kendall trying to do making me wait here. I wondered if he asked any other girls here just like me. My thoughts were running so fast I needed some kind of distraction to keep my mind off of him.

My friends we're not helping. Lucas was two drinks in and Sabrina had three. She wasn't even slightly drunk but Lucas was. He must be a lightweight. If that's what it's called. I watch way too my shows. I haven't decided if I was going to drink or not. If I did it was going to be when Kendall returned. I didn't want him to think I was a kid anymore, but I also didn't want to be drunk at all. There was nothing fun to me to party like that.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Sabrina said and left the room. I looked down at my phone as the battery notification sign came on. Great.

"She f-finally left." Lucas slurred. He was clearly not in any condition to be drinking anymore.

"You've had enough to drink." I said grabbing the cup and pouring it out in the nearby trash.

"Why did you have to like Kendall? What's wrong with me" He looked at me lost and my face soften as I stared at my friend. I was speechless.

"Oh Lucas. I-" I really didn't know what to say.

"You what?!" He expressed his drunken anger. "You didn't mean to lead me on for a year before telling me that Sabrina liked me?" He looked heartbroken. I didn't mean to do this to him. Sabrina told me a while ago she thought she had feelings for him. I told Lucas so he could act on it. Sabrina deserved to be happy and I thought he would forget about his crush.

"I love you Rowan. I've always been here and I always will be but you ruined me!" That hit me like a knife. I really hurt him.

"Please Lucas." I pleaded, "Let's just talk!" I had tears in my eyes. I was responsible for all the pain you could see in him every time he talked about his crush. I didn't know that the crush was me.

"No! Enough talking! I'm sick of talking!" He grabbed my face and kissed me. A wave of shock filled me. I didn't even have time to process it before Sabrina came down the stairs. She stood in shock as Lucas pulled away and looked at me.

"How could you?!" Sabrina cried at us with pain in her eyes. Oh my gosh.

"Sabrina! We didn-" I tried to explain.

"Save it." She wiped away her tears and took a deep breath. "You know I like him and you do something like this?" Sabrina yelled as I tried to speak but she wasn't having it. "I didn't even want to come here Rowan! I did it for you! So you could have the boy you like!" She cried.

"Sabrina-" I pleaded once again. I can't lose my friends.

"How could you?" Her voice breaks as tears fell from my face. "The last person ever suspected to let me down was you." Sabrina looked me in the face before slapping my cheek hard. I was speechless. "Don't talk to me anymore." She ran out of the house.

I held my cheek wiping my tears with my other hand. I couldn't believe she slapped me. It wasn't even my fault, why isn't she mad at Lucas? Before today we have only fought a couple of times. It never went this bad. I blamed the alcohol, it made Lucas go crazy and kiss me and it made Sabrina hit me.

We've argued over clothes, movies, friends, parents, money but never over guys. The worst we've ever had was the seventh grade food fight. Sabrina had told me something that wasn't true and I got mad. We were eating lunch and I decided she should be wearing it. We broke the whole school out in a major food fight and ended up laughing our heads off in detention. Our fights never lasted for more than a day or two. I hope this one isn't any different and that we can put it behind us but I don't think that's the case. I was scared but angry at the same time.

"Rowan-" Lucas said sobering up after everything that happened.

"I can't believe you." I went to go after Sabrina when Lucas stopped me.

"It'll make it worse. Let her chill out. Find her tomorrow and apologize." Lucas said reasonably. I knew he was right. "Look Row. I'm sorry. I will tell her it was me." He started to apologize.

I didn't want to forgive him yet but I felt bad because he was right before the kiss. "I got caught up with my feelings. I shouldn't have drank but it hid the nerves I was too scared to tell you how I felt." He explained.

"It's okay Lucas." I grabbed his hand. "You need to go home and rest. I'll see you tomorrow." I hugged him.

"What about you?" He asked me concerned but still somewhat buzzed.

"I'll be fine." I said wanting to be alone there was no way having him here now would me me feel anything but nervous. He left after a minute of protesting and I sat down on the stairs.

I was beginning to decide if I should stick around any longer or not. The party was still going but all the early workers and drunk off their ass people were leaving. It was nice that the party wasn't as crazy.

"Hey cutie." Kendall said tapping me on the shoulder.

"Hi Kendall." I blushed. Knowing that he didn't forget about me made me happy. I know a lot of girls would probably have gotten mad or left but not me.

"I got you a drink." I looked at the cup.

"It's not beer is it?" I asked.

"Of course not." He smiled and I giggled and drank it. "Wanna dance?"

We started dancing and I laid my head on his chest feeling so wanted. I never felt like this before. I really liked this boy. This was the magic moment I've been waiting for all night. We danced for an hour we laughed, joked around, talked. I was waiting for him to kiss me. I wanted it so bad.

"Want another drink?" Kendall asked me as we took another break from dancing. I was really shocked he wasn't pressuring me to drink beer. I was getting really nervous though.

"Yeah." We went to the table.

"We should go somewhere private so we can talk." Kendall smiled rubbing my shoulder.

"Yeah definitely." I said but was scared. I didn't want him to think I was a bad kisser. I remembered what Lucas said. "Drinking hid the nerves I was too scared to tell you how I felt." One drink won't hurt it'll numb the nerves. "I think I'll have a beer." I gulped possibly regretting my decision later but it wasn't going to hit me that hard. My friends were drinking so I can too.

"As you wish." He left and went and got me the beer. We sat outside on the steps and drank.

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 **Author's Note**

 **The next chapter is going to be a heavy topic so please prepare yourself. It's not graphic though. I will be bringing in Josh in a couple of chapters along with Shawn and a few more people. Kendall is not someone on the show like I've stated previously but when I write him I picture James Maslow but it really doesn't matter picture whoever you want just with dark hair haha. For Rowan's brother Jamie I picture David Henrie but again it doesn't really matter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Trigger Warning - SA**

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I sat on the steps outside with Kendall laughing and joking around. Everyone was so loud inside it was crazy. I was glad to get out of there before it got any crazier. It's anything but my kind of scene. People were so wasted and it was getting late but we didn't care. This was a once in a chance moment sitting here with the most popular guy in school. I couldn't waste this moment. I wanted to know him better. We spent a lot of time talking. I took a sip of my beer I was drinking it really slowly. I didn't want to be drunk, I wanted to take the edge off so I was making it last while. Kendall on the other hand got up and refilled his drink twice. I could tell he had a high tolerance from the little I knew about alcohol. Mostly from my Dad and uncle Shawn lecturing me and Sabrina when they found out she got drunk. They were worried. I'm really lucky to have a great dad and an awesome uncle. My family is the best.

When he came back we talked about my fight with Sabrina. "Are you going to apologize?" Kendall asked me wondering what I was going to do with her.

"I think I will. I don't think it was my fault Lucas kissed me, but I shouldn't have led him on." I sighed and felt really bad I didn't want to upset her.

"You shouldn't" Kendall mentioned. "If she's your friend she will believe you when you tell her you didn't kiss him." He told me not to worry about her feelings because I did nothing wrong. I didn't think I was all wrong but I still worried about her she's my best friend.

"What if I led Lucas on?" I knew I must have.

"You can't lead a guy on." My eyebrow raised. "We know when you're interested or not." Kendall said taking another sip of his drink. I wondered is that why he asked me to this party? He knew I was interested by the way I looked at him?

"You do?" I asked wondering how.

"Yeah it's pretty obvious, You stare at me in art class." He laughed and I was so embarrassed.

"I-" He put his arm around me and I melted.

"It's cute." Kendall smiled sweetly.

Kendall thought it was funny Lucas was into me and I didn't return those feelings. I didn't think it was so funny, I felt bad but I guess I can see his point of view. I think he just wanted to take my side to get on my good side. It was working he made me feel better about the situation. I liked that he cared or seemed to. I felt bad about talking so much about myself so I turned it on him. We talked about his childhood and how his brother passed away. I had no idea, I don't think anyone did. His brother was older so no one knew any of this. It was really sad, he got into some bad stuff and took his own life in jail.I couldn't imagine something like that happening to my own brother.

"I'm so sorry Kendall. I wish I could do something to ease your pain." My heart ached for him and his family. Kendall was broken up about this and I wanted to help him.

"It's okay, It was a long time ago." He looked down I could feel his pain.

"Not it's not okay. It's horrible." I hugged him softly. I could spend forever in his arms.

"I'm glad you understand." He said as we pulled away he was looking at me.

"Other people aren't understanding?" I asked him with concern.

"No they judge me and my family." Kendall opened up to me. I was surprised he was opening up to me so much. My school is very gossipy. If he used this to get in girls pant than it would be all over school. I knew it was just to me and I felt special.

"Anyone that judges you for that doesn't deserve to have you in your life." I smiled at the gorgeous man in front of me. Sabrina was wrong about him. He wasn't some player. Kendall was very sweet and considerate. He's a real person with feelings. I felt like the girlfriend fantasy I had could actually be a reality. He seemed like he really liked me. Why else would he tell me all of these things?

"Why are you so great Row?" I blushed at those words. Wow.

"I'm not, I'm pretty dorky." I laughed at myself. He shook his head.

"You're so beautiful." He pushed my hair back out of my face and I felt chills down my body.

"Thank you." I sweetly smiled. He leaned in and softly placed a kiss on my forehead. I looked up at his eyes and Kendall kissed my lips. I wanted it to last forever. His lips on mine felt so good. They were soft and tender. I didn't want to stop. "Wow" I said when we pulled away.

"I really like you." Kendall said before taking my hand into his.

"I like you too." Butterflies filled my stomach.

"Do you want to go somewhere more comfortable?" He kissed me again but quicker.

"That sounds nice." We got up.

It was cold out and I wanted to spend more time with him. It was really nice getting to know him. I drank the end of my beer I started to feel it. Things felt weird but I also never drank before. I stopped feeling so nervous. I felt drunk but I didn't think one drink would do that. Even if I was a lightweight, but I guess I was wrong. My dad wasn't as good of a teacher as I thought he was! We walked inside I looked around and saw a lot of drunk people making fools of themselves. Bridget was passed out on her own couch. It was kind of funny seeing her not as perfect. Kendall guided me upstairs. We managed to find a room that wasn't occupied it was Bridget's bedroom and that was also pretty funny.

"All alone at last!" I laughed and jumped onto the bed like a little kid. I saw Kendall smile at me. "I can't believe I'm in Bridget's room. With you." I was really questioning everything that I was seeing.

"Yeah I know." He looked at me and took my hands pulling me up from the bed.

"Tonight has been amazing." I kissed him cutely and pulled away I loved this feeling of being with him.

"The perfect night with the perfect girl." I breathed in his words. I was the perfect girl? I've never heard anyone say that, but my own parents. It was the perfect night.

"You really think so?" I asked him.

"I know so." He was smiling at me before kissing my lips again. Kendall pulled me into his arms, kissing my neck. "You are so hot babe." He chuckled as I moaned to his touch.

I wasn't sure where what was happening but I wanted more with him. Kendall pulled off his shirt and threw it on the floor. "You look s-so." My words fumbled seeing his incredible chest. He looked like a grown man. I felt like a little girl still.

"I know." He kissed me passionately and started to unzipped my dress from behind.

I felt good and really weird at the same time. My dress fell to the floor, everything was happening so fast. Too fast. I didn't want this to go much farther. I was shocked what was going on already.I shook my head to see if I was dreaming or not. My head was foggy. Yesterday I didn't exist in Kendall's world and now I'm half naked with him. My head was foggy, I thought again. I wasn't sure this was even real anymore. It felt like a dream to me. Kendall took my hand leading me to the bed. I blinked as he laid me down the next thing I knew he had crawled on top. Things felt good but I wasn't ready for anything more.

I needed this to stop, and I felt really off.

My vision was blurry.

"Kend-" I began to say before he cut me off by kissing me.

"You taste so good." Kendall moaned rubbing up against me as he pinned my arms down. I felt really panicked.

"No st-stop!" I managed to say. Kendall ripped off my bra, I felt exposure on my skin and fear.

"Everything's fine." He kissed my neck, grabbing my breast. I moaned.

"Pl-ease st-stop!" I could barely see anything. "K-Ken-dall I-I c-can't-" I tried to get out as he was placing kisses down my body.

"Shhhh" He said trying to get me to be quiet. The movement wasn't helping he just gripped his hands harder. I couldn't escape his strong grip.

"I d-don't wa-want to!" I got so drowsy, I was so scared.

"It's okay. I'll take care of you." He kissed me hungrily and I felt myself drift away.

I tossed and turned a few times before opening my eyes. My eyes blinked open as I looked around I didn't know where I was. It was dark. I tried to remember something but my mind was too messed up. I noticed the clock it was 4:30 AM. My vision was really blurry. I looked over and saw Kendall. My eyes widen. What? I thought. I tried thinking of my last memory. I remembered bits of the party and than talking to Kendall. I put my hand over my mouth, I didn't remember anything after that. I was so confused. What happened? I looked under the covers and saw I was naked. I felt sick. I was so scared. Oh my gosh. My head hurt. I didn't know what to do. I am not this kind of girl. I shuffled out of the bed quickly and almost fell. I took a deep breath and grabbed my undergarments and dress. I tried to be quiet, I managed to get my clothes on and stood up. My mind was so foggy. I looked at Kendall laying there. I was in pure shock. I let a tear fall before heading out. As I left the house and began running. All I could feel was my head hurting and my body aching. I was scared. I wanted to go home. I stopped and tried to catch my breath. I fell to my knees and cried.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **Here's the dark that I promised. Reviews about this for the next chapter. I won't be posting without some opinions! I want to know! If you want feedback message me on here or** **/loveourdelena**


	5. Chapter 5

I got up and walked across the quiet street after laying there for what it seemed hours just crying. I was cold but I couldn't feel anything but numbness now. Barefoot, I walked all the way home. It wasn't that far but when you're whatever I was, but it seems like forever. My mind was racing in so many ways as my thoughts were blurred. My feet ached and my body was cold as ice. It was around 6 AM I didn't want to wake up my parents, I couldn't explain anything right now. I climbed into my living window.

I took a deep breath. I was home, I was safe. I breathed in relief but I felt so much fear inside.

It was silent in my house and my brother wasn't sleeping in the living room like he loves to do on weekend ever since his TV broke. I snuck into my room making sure not to wake up my family. I succeeded. I couldn't believe I made it home, I was safe from anyone but myself and my thoughts. My room was clean and it was exactly how I left it but everything seemed so different now. It was different because I was different now and I knew nothing will ever be the same. I wanted to be normal again. I took my clothes off and threw them into the giveaway bag that my mom always forgets to donate. I didn't want any attachment to this night. It was unbearable. The knots I felt in my stomach. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I ran to my toilet and emptied my stomach into the toilet. I felt so sick. I flushed the toilet and I turned on the shower and laid down naked. I took in the moment for a second before started sobbing. I scrubbed my whole body until I was burning red. I sobbed so hard I couldn't breath. Then I laid in there for awhile until I felt cleaner. As clean as I was It didn't feel like it. I kept picturing this night over and over again. I was trying so hard to remember it, but I wanted to forget it all happened at the same time. It wouldn't escape my mind, the pain and that's all I wanted it to do.

 **I felt _dirty_. I felt _weak_. I felt _broken_.**

I got out of the shower after while, wrapping myself in a towel. I was so tired and sluggish. I turned on the TV and found some comfortable silk rainbow jammies I got for this past Christmas to change into. I never wore pajamas anymore, I always grabbed a large t-shirt. When you put on fresh pajamas on it makes you feel like a kid again. As I always thought. I wanted to feel innocent again. There was nothing innocent about me anymore. I laid in my bed the TV just became noise as I blankly stared at the ceiling. I grabbed my old blankie and curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep.

 _I lied in a dark room with white walls and a white bedspread just like at the party in the bedroom. It was quiet. Till he entered._

 _"Go away!" I screamed sitting up. He threw me back down and kissed me roughly. "STOP KENDALL!" I cried screaming and trying to get away._

 _"You did this Rowan." He smirked at me. "You came up here and you knew what was going to happen." I blinked my eyes and tears fell._

 _"You shouldn't have drank." Lucas said walking out of the dark._

 _"Lucas! Help me!" I cried._

 _"I can't" he said. "I'm watching you get what you deserve." My heart sank._

 _"I trusted you and now you're a whore." I gasped seeing my parents enter the bedroom._

 _"But Daddy I-" I said looking at him with a tear stained face._

 _"You aren't our daughter anymore honey." My Mom said smiling at my dad. "You're just some slut."_

 _"I'm their daughter now." Sabrina came from behind and put her arms around them._

 _"What is going on?!" I cried noticing my brother appearing behind Lucas. "Please someone tell me."_

 _"You're mine now." Kendall grabbed me by my hair and my friends and family started laughing._

I woke up in a sweat.

My heart was racing so fast.

It was a dream, a _nightmare_.

I had chills down my whole body. I didn't know what this dream meant and why he was a bad guy. Kendall was a great guy. Why did I see him like that in my dream? I wanted to understand what was going on here. Did this dream mean something? It was my fault for getting drunk and leading him on. I knew that. He was probably just as drunk as I was. If one drink hit me that hard, I can't imagine what a few would do to him. I looked for the time on my clock. It was noon and I was home alone. Thankfully, I didn't want to be around anyone. My Mom went to work and my Dad took my brother to lunch. They had a monthly father and son lunch. My Dad did that with the both of us but it was Jamie's turn.

I felt so ashamed. I was the last person to get drunk and lose my virginity at a random party. I always wanted to wait until I was married or at least engaged. Sex was a big deal to me. That's probably why I felt so bad. Kendall must think I was awful for running out but I didn't remember what happened and I panicked, I was so innocent. I never really even kissed a boy beside Lucas last night. Kendall was the first guy I ever really deeply wanted to be with. Sabrina and I always joked that I'd be a virgin for life because I wasn't interested in dating anyone before. Until Kendall came into the picture, but even then she never would have believed I ended up with him. He's popular, older and I'm a dorky tenth grader. Sabrina was a virgin too but she wasn't even close as innocent. Sabrina has actually had two boyfriends, but it wasn't ever more than intense make out sessions. If she knew I had sex she would be over here with a million questions and she still probably wouldn't believe me. I couldn't really grasp the fact that I had sex before she did. It's so out of character for me. What was I thinking?

I couldn't understand why my memory was so hazy with only one drink.

"What happened last night, I'm sorry for leaving. I was really confused." I texted Kendall hoping he could fill in my blanks and to apologize for leaving and not saying goodbye. I pulled out my laptop.

"Blacked out after only one drink and had sex." I googled unsure of what kind of results would pop up.

Tons of articles came up about date rape and roofies. Whoa. I kept reading about a drug called Rohypnol. I was instantly scared. This couldn't have happened to me. I kept thinking about how Sabrina was aware of what she was doing after only one drink. She was fine. Maybe Kendall didn't have much to drink either. I blacked out and had sex. Was I drugged? It was the only thing that was making sense to me. The last thing remember is talking about friends and family on the steps and Kendall kissing me. If I was- I would be in a lot more pain then I was.

I got out of bed, standing in front of my mirror I closed my eyes and took my pajamas off. I looked in the mirror at my body. There were bruises along my stomach and thighs. I suddenly felt the pain I was suppressing and it felt like someone was stabbing me. I felt sore and deep down I knew that I'd never do something like getting drunk and passing out. That's not who I am. I covered my mouth with my hands fully coming to terms with what happened and sobbed.

 **I was raped.**


	6. Chapter 6

I laid in bed for two days crying on and off. There's so much on my mind. Half the time I felt too empty inside to even cry. I told my Mom I didn't feel good and they left me alone pretty much. I feel stupid and naive, but Kendall seemed like the nicest guy in the world. He used me and he abused me. I should have listened to my friends, they knew what was best. I have school today and I'm so scared to face Kendall. He never texted me back so I didn't know what that meant. I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone about Kendall. I didn't want anyone to know what happened. I didn't even want to believe it. Maybe pretending it never happened was the key? A knock came from my door.

"Where's Sabrina?" My dad asked while he was adjusting his tie.

"She's not coming." I said quietly.

"What? Why?" My dad was surprised.

"Her Mom's shift changed she'll be at school." I responded with no enthusiasm.

"Okay, Let's get going." He left me.

it's not going to get any easier I thought to my. I threw on black pants and a blue shirt with a black sweater. Normally I would do my hair, maybe a braid or some other kind of style but instead I just brushes it quickly and finished getting my stuff together. I kept thinking about what school would be like. There was no real way of knowing till I got there, but my mind was racing and so was my heart. I was wondering would Kendall do anything or if Sabrina was still upset. I felt different. I felt broken and I didn't know what and how to fix it. I kept beating myself up over it all weekend. What I could have done differently or said. Why I went upstairs when I had no intention of doing anything more than kissing. I felt I was at fault. I knew I must have lead Lucas on if he thought I liked him. Did I lead Kendall on? It had to be partly my fault. I was in so much pain. The Rowan I and everyone knew and loved is no longer and I'm just floating here.I walked into school taking a deep breath. Thankfully Jamie talked my dad's ear off and I parted quickly from them as I got inside. I went straight for my locker and looked around feeling paranoid. I knew I was going to run into Kendall, but didn't know when. I grabbed a few books.

"Hey!" Lucas walked up to me and I jumped out of my skin. "What's wrong?" He asked concerned seeing the fear in my eyes.

"Nothing." I collected my thoughts trying to remain calm.

"You didn't call me all weekend." Lucas wanted to figure out if I was upset with him.

"I was busy." I looked at him coldly trying to avoid eye contact.

"Oh okay?" Lucas said confused and hoping to understand why I was acting so strange.

"Sorry." I said fumbling to find a pen to put in my bag.

Sabrina walked across the hallway and darted her eyes towards Lucas and I but kept walking. I felt bad about hurting my friend deep down, but it was literally the last thing on my mind. I was cared, not concerned about my best friend's well-being.

"I'm going to go to class." He felt bad about us not speaking. "Let me know if you want to talk." Lucas half smiled. I felt bad since he didn't understand what was going on. I watched my friend walk away and the hallway emptied and the quiet set in.

I laid back on the lockers and sled to my feet. It wasn't even first period and I was already breaking.

This day is going to be long.

I made it through my first two classes. I didn't even say a word. Usually I'm always raising my hand, participating in class discussion even sitting in the front row. That was no longer me. I was so scared to go to third period. Kendall was in that class and I wasn't ready for that. I knew I wasn't able to physically go there. I ditched class and sat in the bathroom listening to music. I've never ditched class not once in my life and everyone knew that. I just couldn't, this whole thing was changing me and I didn't like it. Kendall on the other hand decided to skip art class all of the time for some reason. He usually skipped Mondays and Wednesdays knew I wouldn't have to deal with him then. It was all such a mess. I made it to the rest of my classes not that I remember anything I learned. I spent most of the day with my head glued to the desk or staring out the window. The classes Sabrina and I had together we were doing tests, so no talking. I was happy about that because I didn't need to deal with anymore drama, but I couldn't really focus on anything.

I just wanted to have a clear memory. The night kept running through my mind and I draw a blank. I knew it was from the drugs I was slipped. I still tried to remember anyway.

I walked into art class and was the first one inside. My teacher greeted me as I sat down across from empty seats. Sabrina walked in and glared at me before taking her sit. I didn't really care about Sabrina's feelings right now. I was going through the worse time of my life. I stared at my fingers. I could tell Sabrina was surprised that I wasn't apologizing and that I missed English class. She probably wasn't sure whether to be worried or not. I could always read her like a book. That was how strong our friendship connection is. Sabrina kinda looked concerned now that I realize. It was weird sitting with her and not saying a word. I brushed it off and laid my head down.I heard a noise a minute later as Kendall walked into the classroom and locked eyes with me.

Fear filled my body as I gulped. I watched him walk over, I hoped he wasn't coming over to talk to me. I was scared to death. I felt like I couldn't breath.

"Hey, ladies." Kendall knelled down next to Sabrina and me, putting his arms on the table he smirked. I froze.

"Did you have fun this weekend?" He turned his head to Sabrina who was looking at me confused in what was going on.

"Uh yeah." Sabrina lied looking at him before looking back at me. Lucas walks in and takes his seat. He was just as confused as she was.

"What about you Rowie?" I clenched my fists, feeling terrified. I was shaking and it was obvious. I felt sick to my stomach, I could barely breath. I was too anxious to cry. My friends looked at me while I was having an anxiety attack. "Well, I had a great night with you kiddo." Kendall touched my back getting up and kisses my head. My body shivered, my legs shake and I flinched. My heart was racing. My body was covered in chills. He left to his table. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to make sure things were fine. They weren't. I knew what he did.

Sabrina and Lucas stared at me both looking a little concerned. I knew they wondered what happened but Sabrina was being stubborn and Lucas didn't really want to know what happened. He wanted to know what didn't happen. I ignored it and them. Everyone was working on their art projects including my friends. Sabrina was making a regular coffee mug. Lucas was making a soup bowl. I sat there and stared at my cat mug. I started it last week but it was just making me sad. It seemed like everything made me sad these days. Who could focus when their rapist is sitting across the room? I could hear Kendall laughing from across the room. It made my skin crawl.

I raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom. I needed a few minutes alone to clear my head. To be away from a room of hurt.

"Hey!" I stopped at the end of the hallway in mid step my body tingled.

"Where are you going?" Kendall came closer. I didn't even turn around but he walked in front of me. "You look strange? Why did you take off Friday?" I didn't answer I couldn't answer and he grabbed my arm.

My body went cold.

"I'm talking to you!" I tried to get away and he held on tight. "Not so fast, I'm not going to forget about you now that we had sex." He grabbed my face tightly and kissed me.

This kiss was different than my magical kiss on the steps.

It was _sweaty_ , _hard_ , and _wet_.

He let go and I ran to the bathroom and locked the stall. I was having a full on panic attack. I couldn't breath. I was remembering small flashes of what happened that night. The kiss jogged some of my memory. I think I was better off not remembering. I took out my journal out of my bag and started writing.

 _I woke up in mid rape. I passed out saying no and woke up with him inside of me. I was screaming inside but was too out of it to realize I wasn't making noise. I remember him touching me, kissing me, rubbing me. It was a nightmare. Why can't I wake up? I want to go home and lay in my Dad's lap with my Mom stroking my hair, telling me things are going to be okay. I just couldn't tell them. I need help. I need to get away from Kendall._

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **Thank you for reading! Happy Halloween everyone! Keep reviewing! Josh will be coming soon but right now this is super focused on Rowan. Since it's a new story I want to establish all of this before he's brought in. Don't worry. If there's anything you would like me to explore more into either comment or leave me a message!**


	7. Chapter 7

I closed my journal, put it back in my bag. I calmed down and walked back to class. I made sure my tears were gone before walking back in. The less attention on me the better. I didn't want to go back to class but I didn't have much of a choice. If I skipped every class my family would catch on. When I sat back down in my seat, I looked over at Kendall's table and he winked at me. I laid my head on the table and sighed.

My life is never going to be the same ever again.

"Are you okay?" Lucas asked me for the second time of the day. _No._

"Yes." I said through my arms laying down on the table.

"Sab?" Lucas looked at Sabrina who was ignoring him. "I kissed Rowan, she didn't want to kiss me." He must thought that this would make me feel better.

"Does that really make a difference?" Sabrina sighed. "It was a kiss. If she didn't want it than she should've pulled away." I didn't care what was going on.

"Sabrina, she was surprised but that kiss was all me." Sabrina was too upset to care. "After you left she wouldn't speak to me." Lucas tried to get Sabrina not be upset.

"Really?" Sabrina said. "I saw you talking to her this morning." She didn't know what to believe, she looked at me lying there.

"She blew me off, she didn't text me back all weekend. She doesn't want to talk to me!" Lucas said sadly.

"Okay fine!" Sabrina gave up with the fight. "I believe you." She looked over at me again.

"So you girls can go back to being best friends right?" Lucas hoped.

"Yes!" Sabrina admitted loud to shut Lucas up but a part of her wanted our friendship. She looked at me laying there.

I didn't move for the rest of the class, I didn't want to get involved in any conversation. It was easier with Sabrina being mad at me. I wouldn't have to socialize with her and she wouldn't suspect anything was off. The last thing I want is for her to know because if she knows she will not keep it to herself.

All I knew was I wanted to keep this a secret. I couldn't imagine my parents knowing. I wanted to pretend like I was never raped. I want to be a virgin, innocent, little girl like I was before I met Kendall. I know I will never be that ever again but I desperately wanted it to be. I wanted to be the kind of girl that can pretend things never happened or pretend to be okay inside.

"Row? What is going on with you?" Sabrina asked but I didn't even acknowledge her question. Luckily the bell rang and I got up fast to be the first one out.

It was lunch and I was starving. I couldn't get much down this weekend. I got in line and looked around making sure that I didn't have any unwanted visitors. I was going to just grab a sandwich and eat it in class. Than go to the library where kids go that don't have any friends to sit with go to. It was a good place to hide out. I was almost in the clear until Sabrina approached me.

"Hey." She whispered standing behind me.

"Hi." I responded without turning around. I couldn't have this conversation.

"Are you mad at me?" She worried. I wasn't mad I wanted to be left alone.

"No." I answered and moved up in line grabbing my ham and cheese sandwich.

After school ended I went straight for the bus without telling my Dad like I usually do I didn't want the questions about my day. I sat in the back and hugged my knees as it got loud and crowded. It felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was happening. I kept taking deep breaths and hoped it would go away. The noises reminded me of the party. Is this my life now? Comparing everything to the past? I don't want it to be. I was shaking and I didn't know what to do. I started crying and I didn't even realize.

"Are you okay?" I heard before looking. Sabrina had sat down next to me. She was obviously concerned. I nodded my head but she didn't care.

"Talk to me Rowan." Sabrina rubbed my back trying to calm me down. I got even more upset and she pulled me into her arms as I cried.

I didn't tell her anything, I just cried until the bus stopped at my house and I got off like nothing happened. I walked into my house and my brother was sitting on my bed.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I think Sabrina must have texted him.

"I'm fine" I lied getting tired of everyone saying the same thing over and over again.

"You just seem off." Jamie came over and hugged me. "Whatever it is you can talk to me." I knew he was just trying to be a good brother.

"I had a fight with my friends that's all." I pulled away and opened my door.

"It's going to be okay." Jamie left the room and I laid on my bed.

I didn't want to be here anymore. I was having post traumatic stress disorder according to google. It's the last thing I wanted. Nothing I wanted was coming true anymore. I feel like giving up. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to erase it all.

"Honey?" My Mom walked in. "There's a friend at the door for you." She let him in and walked out before I could say anything.

"Hey Rowan. Can we talk?" I gulped. I couldn't move. He was in my bedroom.

"W-what do you want Kendall." Saying his name made me shiver.

"I know you think I raped you but I didn't." I had goosebumps. What was he talking about?

"What?" I was scared. I knew what happened. I have chills all over my body.

"We fooled around but we were both drunk and into it. You said stop before anything else happened." Confusion filled my brain. "Whatever you remember must have been a dream." He looked at me. I did have that dream and what if what he was saying was true?

"I was naked." I was so confused. I wasn't raped? I was bruised and sore. I let him continue because the picture he was painting to me as the truth was sounding pretty damn good.

"We got pretty intimate but it never got any further to call it sex." Kendall explained that he had only touched me and that I was still a virgin.

"So why am I having flashbacks of it?" I had tears in my eyes. I wanted to believe him so badly, it was the due over that I wanted.

"It was probably a dream. I get strange dreams when I've had too much to drink." Kendall said looking sincere. "You probably remember some stuff that happened and made the rest up from a dream." Kendall kept pushing the dream theory.

"I only had one drink." I mentioned looking for his answer.

"You probably have a low tolerance. Some are stronger than others and you had a really strong drink. I'm sorry I didn't realize it was so strong." Kendall apologized.

"Oh." I didn't know what to think. Everything he was saying made sense but I feel weird. Some little things didn't make complete sense like how I feel so different and the way my body is so bruised. I just want to believe him so badly. I don't want to be his victim.

"Rowan, I would never do that to you." He pleaded. "I can't believe you would think of me like that." Kendall seemed hurt.

"I didn't know what to think Kendall." I sighed. "There are bruises all over me."

"You don't remember jumping on Bridget's bed? You fell off like 3 times." He laughed.

"Oh." I felt less scared knowing about this. Was I really just jumping to conclusions? I don't feel like the old me, but maybe that was being I was drinking and making out with Kendall. The old me would have never done any of that either. Maybe I wasn't raped.

"After all I shared such intimate details of my life to you. I trusted you think all that. So why would I do something like that?." Kendall sat next to me. I felt bad.

"You're right and I'm so sorry." I apologized realizing how stupid I was being.

"So you believe me?" He looked at me. I did.

"Yes, I didn't even think it was rape until I started googling." We laughed.

"I'm glad because I really like you, Rowan." He brushed his hand on my face and leaned in to kiss my lips. I pulled away a second later and we smiled.

"I like you too." Now that he didn't rape me and I was still a virgin. Does this mean that things can just go back to normal? I don't know if I'm that girl anymore. My friends won't just let me come back without an explanation. Everything Kendall said fit, it really did. There was one thing that didn't fit. If I was still a virgin then why do I feel anything but pure?

Kendall left shortly after the kiss and I just sat there thinking most of the night.

Was I happy? No. Was I sad? Not anymore. Was I confused? Yes.

First I thought we had sex, than I thought it was rape and now I'm still a virgin.

Why can't I just remember the night more clearly and not in flashbacks. If he had raped me I'm sure I'd remember more and not have had to google signs. Maybe I should just try and forgive that night even happened. I still feel strange but maybe it was just because I thought I was raped. All I know is when Kendall kissed me the first time it felt good and so did this.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Before you question it yes, Kendall did rape Rowan. He's just lying to her. Kendall is not suppose to be likable. We know he the kind of person he is but we're exploring how manipulative people can be in this story and things girls that are abused everyday go through. The denial and the acceptance process. I know some people might not like this but I'm showing you a side of people I know and myself. Kendall and Rowan will be anything but the love of this story so don't get scared at my direction. She will find herself soon enough! :)**

 **Next chapter is the start of Josh's storyline!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey." I heard from my door when I was getting dressed for school.

"Hey Sabrina." I bite my lip and throw my shirt on quickly. I could tell she was surprised in my sudden change of attitude. I felt so relieved that I wanted to just go on with my life the way it was.

"What's going on?" She asks me trying to figure if I was okay.

"Getting ready to apologize to my best friend." I smile gently to see her smiling. I wanted her back.

"No need!" She walks over and we embrace tightly. "I missed my Rowboat."

"I missed my Sabrinacat!" We giggled.

"Let's just forget what happened. It's yesterday's news." Sabrina said trying to move on.

"I agree." Best to leave the past in the past.

"So do you mind me asking what's been going on with you?" Sabrina turned her smile into pure worry.

"Nothing was going on." I paused making sure I really knew what I was saying. "I was really scared I would loose you." I looked down trying to content myself so I didn't let her read the lies written all over my face.

"You will never loose me." She pulled me into another hug. "How did the rest of the party go? Sabrina backed off but still wanted to know.

"I left pretty quickly after you." I lied again. I didn't want her to know I spent the night there.

"Really? Then why was Kendall kissing your forehead today?" She questioned. "That seemed really odd." I could tell she felt off.

"Uh I don't know why he did that. I think he's just trying to be nice." I knew she wasn't buying it, but she let it go not wanting to push me away.

It felt good reuniting with my best friend.

"Honey?" My dad says as he enters the room.

"Yeah dad?" I asked as Sabrina was looking through her bag to find the homework to copy off of me.

"Josh is coming to stay with us for a few weeks." My dad explains my uncle was coming to visit as I watch Sabrina's eyes light up.

"Why?" I wasn't complaining I was curious. Sabrina always thought he was so cool, growing up she always wanted to be like him. He found it adorable. He's like a bad boy with a good heart is how I described it. Sabrina was doing a good job trying to be like him since that's exactly the way I would describe her. Josh was always way worse than she ever was.

"He got in trouble a school. He's gonna enroll here for awhile." Josh was almost nineteen but he failed a grade due too being kicked out of school. This was his second school he got kicked out of. I'm pretty sure it was for drugs from what my brother said but my dad refuses to go into details, so maybe it wasn't.

"Why is he coming here?" Sabrina asked the question I was about to ask.

"Your grandparents are tired of raising a grown adult. They already have enough on their plates being the parents of your uncle Eric." He said before hearing his name being called. My uncle Josh is a great guy he's had a lot happen to him over the past few years. I never gave him a hard time for the things he's doing wrong with every thing that has happened.

"Wow that's crazy." Sabrina turned to me to see what I thought.

"Yeah, I hope he's okay." I was worried for him. It must be bad if he's practically being kicked out. My dad is such a good brother to him, I know that he'll straighten him out. Josh is really close in age to my brother so they're close and Jame is a lot like I am. He'll have a lot of good influences on him. I'm just worried that he'll be a bad influence on Sabrina. She needed good people in her life to pull her out of the dark side her family has gotten her into. The bright side to Josh coming to stay with us is that he'll take up a lot of my parents time. At this point in my life, the less parent supervision the better.

When I got to school I opened my locker as Sabrina was catching me up in everything I missed since I was all moody. Who knew you could miss so much in such a short period of time. It was really good talking to her I was finally starting to feel myself. It was needed.

"What's that?" Sabrina pointed out something on the bottom of my locker. I looked and I noticed an envelope. I opened it.

 _Rowan,_

 _I invite you to be my date to the homecoming dance. If you'll have me? I hope you will._

 _Love,_

 _Kendall_

"That is so cute!" Sabrina said in shock leaning over spying on me.

"I don't know." I was surprised and I don't know if I want to be with him. There was so much so emotions that happened the past few days. I don't think I'm ready for a boyfriend.

"What? You've liked him for so long and now he likes you and you don't know?" Sabrina said confused. I understood why she was confused. I would be too if I were her.

"I do like him but I don't want to end up with the wrong guy." I have feelings for him but after everything that happened, I don't know if I can trust him or myself.

"You mean Lucas?" She looked down.

"No!" I grabbed her hand. "I wouldn't do that to you." I explained. I didn't want to have to keep doing this with her. It already hurt enough knowing I would have to distance myself from Lucas.

"I'm sorry, I know you wouldn't." Sabrina relaxed knowing that she can't keep jumping to conclusions. "But why are you off of Kendall now?" She asked.

"I'm not, I just think you were probably right about him." I didn't know what to say to her but that fit the most.

"So what happened with you and Kendall after we left the party? Don't give me the bull you tried to sell me earlier" Sabrina said raising her eyebrow.

"Uh nothing, we made out and then I went home." I was probably being too cautious. I knew that it wasn't fair to Kendall to not give him a chance. It wasn't his fault.

"Oh my gosh!" Sabrina jumped for joy. I laughed.

"It's not a big deal." I shook my head.

"Yes it is! You had your first real kiss." She said clearly not counting the kiss with Lucas. "Listen, I know I said a lot of horrible things about Kendall before the party but clearly he cares about you." Sabrina did have a point. He was going out of his way to be with me. Why would he do that if he wasn't being genuine?

"It's just a lot to process." I said knowing I wouldn't be making much sense to her.

"I was wrong about him. I'm sorry. Don't let what I said stop you from being with a great guy." Sabrina apologized. Maybe she had a good point.

The bell rang and we parted ways. There was so much to think about. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I ran into Lucas a few times in the hallway but I wasn't talking to him. Not yet, things felt weird now. I didn't want Sabrina getting hurt.

After school ended I was going to catch the bus to avoid another car ride with my dad but Kendall beeped his horn. I walked over reluctantly.

"Let me give you a ride." He said with a charmed look. I was fighting with myself. My gut said no but my head wasn't reasoning. "Please."

"Okay." I said because I didn't know if I'd have another panic attack or not if I stepped back on that bus.

I got in and we drove and talked about homecoming.

"Did you like the note?" He asked me.

"Uh yeah." I tried to be more excited but I was too nervous to.

"So do you want to go with me?" Kendall asked looking over at me as I stared out the window.

"I'll think about it." I slowly said. He was so happy I was considering it, it made me feel better about my future decision. We arrived at my house and I turned to him. "Thank you for the ride."

"Do you think we can get passed this misunderstanding?" He asked hoping for a different outcome. I wanted to get past it and a lot of other things. It had to start now or it never will.

"I know we can." I said before thinking. I'm sorry I've been acting to crazy." I felt bad.

"You aren't, you thought you were raped. I understand but it's okay now." He said softly.

"I know." I thought about what he said. It was okay now. He understands. Things felt off but it has to be because of the thoughts I had running in my head. I also wasn't too proud of myself for drinking and almost sleeping with him, but that was on me not on him. "I'll go with you to the dance.

"Really?" I nodded. "Rowan, can I ask you something?" Kendall said still smiling.

"Sure." I looked at him I could barely breathe.

"I've liked you ever since I saw you." He smiled at me reaching for my hand. I was surprised.

"Me too." I admitted softly thinking about the first time I saw him. I really tapped into the feelings I felt the first time I saw him and the first time he talked to me, the first time he kissed me.

"I don't want to be just friends." Kendall twirled my fingers. "I want you to be my girlfriend." Kendall looks me in the eyes.

"Wow." I was shocked. I never thought this would happen. I don't think he's ever publicly had a girlfriend.

"What do you say?" He asked again.

I couldn't really form words. "Why me? Everyone knows you date. A lot." I felt those words coming out of my mouth.

"I don't want to be that guy anymore." His eyes softened.

"You don't?" I was confused at the change in character.

"No, I want you."

I smiled big and grabbed his neck kissing his lips. Whatever I was feeling, this was better.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Soon a wild Josh hahaha and some more family. Shawn will be soon not just yet. I will have more Lucas as Rowan and Kendall progress. Don't worry people will see through his act. This is really hard to write. No one wants someone to be with an abuser but it's also a message to every girl that goes through anything like this!**


	9. Chapter 9

I walked inside reeling my kiss with Kendall. I was feeling so much better about the whole thing that happened. I was also beating myself up over how I treated him without knowing the truth. I was way too judgmental. I hope everything can get back to some kind of normal. It was already pretty normal with Sabrina but I don't want to lie anymore. I'm not going to tell them everything that happened but I want to be honest going forward. I want to make up with Lucas too. Sabrina will understand that I need him in my life as a friend. It wasn't fair of me to not want to be around him just because he likes me. It's immature, he can't help it and things are different now that I have a boyfriend. Wow, boyfriend. This is all so new to me. I've had a crazy past few days.

I walked into my kitchen and saw a familiar face. "Josh?" I said excitingly. I didn't think he would be here this soon. I was surprised my grandparents didn't stay to say hi to us.

"Row!" He smiled with that electric light up a room type of smile and hugged me. "You've grown up so much since the last time I saw you a few months ago!" I laughed a little. My uncle was the life of the party type of guy. We pulled away and saw my brother enter the room.

"JOSH!" Jamie charged in and they hugged. They were so close. It made me happy to see.

"It's uncle Josh." Josh smirked as we both rolled our eyes. He was anything but an actual real like uncle.

"How have you been?" I asked Josh trying see if he would tell me anything about why he was staying with us.

"Just fine." Josh says. "What about you Rowan?" He turned it on me.

"Uh nothing really. Just been busy! It's awesome that you're going to be starting school with us." I was excited but I also wanted to not talk about me.

"You got lucky you came today. The homecoming dance was just announced so you have time to ask someone." Jamie mentioned grabbing a water from the fridge.

"Really huh?" Josh wondered. "Do you guys have dates?"

"No sadly." Jamie laughed. I turned my head trying not to lie anymore but not wanting to mention Kendall.

"And do you Row?" Josh looked at me.

"She doesn't." Jamie laughed again but this time turned to me and saw I was trying to leave the conversation. "You don't have a date." Jamie stated looking at me as I looked at him. I didn't say a word. "Who is it?" He caught on to my silence. Josh looked at us waiting for me to say something.

"It's not important." I said not wanting my brother to know anything about this dance. I didn't want him to know I was seeing Kendall now.

"It is important, you're my little sister. I want to know who you're going with now!" He exclaimed I gulped.

"Kendall Hess." I said breathlessly knowing this would get under Jamie's skin.

"What?!" Jamie's eyes widened.

"Who is that?" Josh looked at the both of us trying to figure out what was happening as he sat on the counter. I didn't know where my parents were but I'm glad they aren't here to listen to this.

"You are not going to the homecoming dance with that dude!" Jamie ordered me and it made me mad. "He's a player, he will use you. I won't let you go." He looked at Josh and back at me like he was the boss here or something.

"I will do whatever I want with my own boyfriend." I said angrily not even realizing what I was saying to them.

"Boyfriend?!" Jamie yelled he couldn't believe this.

"I think I'm going to like it here." Josh says and I roll my eyes and Jamie glares.

"He just asked me today." I mention to him. The more he fought for me not to go the more I wanted to. He wasn't my boss.

"You're not doing this." He set his mind. "Since when is he interested in you?" Jamie questioned.

"Since we went to the party together." I said softly.

"He's the one that invited you to Bridget's party?" He asked and I nodded. "Rowan?! You weren't suppose to go to that party!" Jamie was in disbelief he never had to wonder about my behavior before.

"Yeah, I know I shouldn't have gone. You're right." I said looking at my older brother. "But I did and I got to see a side of Kendall that no one else does." I smiled to myself. "He's nice, caring and he likes me. He's going to treat me right and you have to let me be." I added.

"You don't know the kind of guy he is, he is just using you." Jamie tried convincing me as Josh stayed silent.

"I know what I'm doing." I stated to him. "I can make my one decisions."

"You're fifteen years old!" Jamie exclaimed. "I'm telling mom and dad."

"I don't care." I went to my room and left them be.

There was a knock at my door a little later. I opened it to see Josh standing there with hot coco. I smiled big, I had the best uncle ever.

"Hey, I thought you might need a pick me up." Josh hands me my mug and then places his on my dresser before jumping on to my bed. I took a sip of my hot coco and placed it down. I sat next to him and we laid back.

"Thanks, you're the best." I stated.

"So what's with this Kendall guy?" Josh questioned me. I sighed not wanting a repeat of the fight I had with my brother. "Don't worry I'm not the police." We giggled.

"He's the most popular guy in school." I said.

"Ah, is he a player?" He knew the types of questions to ask.

"No, well yes but not anymore." I noticed my uncle's eyebrow raise. "He's not the same guy he use to be. Kendall's had a lot of things happen that turned him into someone he doesn't want to be anymore." The more I defended him the more I wanted to be with him.

"I understand, everyone deserves redemption." Josh stated. I was relieved that he was getting it.

"Thank you." I smiled I knew he had my back.

"How old is he exactly?" He asks me trying to get more information to understand my side and Jamie's side of this.

"He's a senior." I whispered hoping he wouldn't think badly of me. Kendall was three years older than me and I knew that people might not like that.

"Wow." Josh thought. "He treats you good?"

"Yeah." I smiled softly.

"Then that's what matters the most." He hugged me. "I'll talk to Jamie for you."

"Thanks Josh!" We talked for a little bit but I still couldn't get anymore information on why he was here.

I dialed Sabrina's number and took a deep breath as the phone rang.

"Hey Row!" Sabrina answered. "What's up?"

"Hey, I have news." I braced for her reaction that I knew was going to be a big deal. "Kendall asked me to be to be his girlfriend."

"Oh my gosh!" I heard a high pitched scream. "Your first boyfriend!"

"Yeah." I laughed.

"This is so exciting!" I felt her excitement.

"Josh is home." I interrupted her rant over Kendall.

"I uh- really? This soon?" Sabrina was speechless for once.

"He's excited to start school, you'll be seeing way more of him."

I didn't like the thought of Josh being a bad influence on Sabrina but he handled this thing with Kendall so well. I was giving him a break and why not just let him try and prove me wrong. I'm tired of judging people and not giving them the benefit of the doubt.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Josh is here! I hope you enjoyed. Let me know if there's anything you want to know!**


	10. Chapter 10

I woke up to my mom calling my name. I overslept a bit so I jumped right into the shower. I'm not usually so late in the morning. I haven't slept much since that night. It was good I was finally getting rest. I finished my shower quickly and didn't bother with blow drying my hair. I threw on my clothes and made it to the kitchen for breakfast. Sabrina beat me to the table.

"Morning Sunshine!" Sabrina greeted me as she sipped her orange juice.

"What time did you get here?" I asked my best friend who looked like she was dressed to impress. Sabrina had her blonde wavy hair in a pony tail which I never really saw and by that I don't mean the messy kind it looked like she had an interview. She was wearing a black dress with a white undershirt. Who is this girl?

"When you got in the shower." She took a bite of the bacon my mom made. I was the opposite of her today. I just had on jeans and a t-shirt. I knew she was trying to impress Josh, she was so obvious. I don't know how I feel about her wanting to date my uncle. I was fine with her crushing on him but first Lucas and now Josh. What is she trying to do there? I couldn't imagine being able to have feelings for more than one person. I figured one was just an attraction and that was probably to Josh. Josh and Lucas are so different.

"I was in a rush." I said before Josh and Jamie came over and sat down at the table. My dad joined us along with my mom.

"Hey, Sabrina!" Josh smiled and hugged Sabrina. I could see her melt in his arms. I wasn't so hungry anymore but I still ate my bacon and egg bagel.

"Josh!" She smiled sweetly. "You look good."

"You too kid." Josh laughed as he started eating. Kid, that had to hurt. I saw the disappointment on Sabrina's face. Josh still saw her as his niece's little friend. Whether or not her feelings were just an attraction or real, I knew it still hurt her. I felt bad but I also didn't want her getting the wrong idea, I know what that's like.

"Josh is enrolling today, I'll be driving everyone." My dad said as he piled ketchup on his plate. "You're going to love my school little brother."

"I'm sure." Josh rolled his eyes. My dad laughed looking over at my mom with a loving glance.

"I'll show him around dad." Jamie said making sure to avoid me. I was just as mad at him as he was at me. I was surprised he wasn't ratting me out, maybe Josh already talked to him. I'm beginning to love having him around.

"That's my boy!" My mom said proudly. She was nervous having Josh around but she trust my brother and I. "After school I will talk to you about working at my shop Josh." She mentioned the open job at her coffee shop.

"Sounds great." Josh was happy about making easy money. He didn't want to be constantly out of money.

"You also will have an allowance like these two." My dad explained to his younger brother.

"Nice!" Josh exclaimed. We get money weekly for doing things around the house. I didn't make anything this week I was too much of a mess, but I save money really easily.

We finished eating and made our way to school. Sabrina was all over Josh in the car. Some would say she was being pathetic but I didn't think that low of her. She just doesn't know what she wants. Jamie didn't say a word to me and I was relieved. My dad dropped us off and took Josh right into the office. I went up to my locker like I do every morning. Sabrina went to the science lab to get the homework she forgot. I was surprised by Lucas standing at his locker that was pretty close to mine.

 **Lucas's POV**

I've been beating myself up about my actions with Rowan and Sabrina all week. I knew what I did was wrong. I know it hurt Sabrina, badly and it broke my heart to see them fight so much. I knew Sabrina was ready to forgive Rowan and I hoped things were okay with them. I wanted to make everything right again. It also broke my heart to see Rowan so sad and depressed. I stood at my locker looking over at her. She is so beautiful, inside and outside. I wished for another universe where it was possible for her to love me back. If I can't have that I can at least have her friendship again. I walk over to her.

"Please talk to me." I pleaded forgiveness.

"Okay." Rowan agreed. I felt a wave of relief.

"You and Sabrina are okay?" I asked getting closer to her.

"Better than okay. We've moved past it." She smiled. I did too.

"I'm so glad!" I hugged her. She didn't hug back. "Are we going to be friends again?" I pulled away.

"Yeah, I just want to make sure you know where I stand." She said not wanting the lines to get blurred again.

"That makes sense I'm sorry." I apologized for skipping steps.

"I want you to know that we can't ever be together." She said gently trying to not hurt me.

"I know." I looked like I was in pain.

"It's not because I think you're horrible." She bit her lip. "Lucas, you're amazing and I would be lucky to have you." Those words felt so good and so bad. "Sabrina is so important to me. I would never hurt her."

"I understand Row." I said as my heart was breaking.

"If things we're different then maybe we could've worked but not in this lifetime." She mentioned. "If you know this then I would gladly be your friend again." She pulled me in for a hug. It was nice having her back.

"I won't make that mistake again." We pulled away and smiled.

"Good to know." She said as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked scared.

"Hey, babe." Kendall said glaring at me.

"Uh hey." Rowan said Kendall kissed her cheek. She looked at me as I looked down.

"What are you doing? Don't you have to get to class?" Kendall asked her. She nodded and looked at me before leaving hand in hand with her boyfriend.

I stood standing at the lockers watching Rowan leave with Kendall. I felt sick to my stomach. How could she be with him? I knew Kendall was a jerk and he was the last thing Rowan needed in her life. I'm not saying she has to be with me, I understand why she can't be with me. It hurts a lot but I've accepted it. This I can't not this. She's being really stupid with him. I should've never left her alone at that party. If I didn't maybe none of this would be happening. I pushed her away by admitting my feels and I pushed Sabrina away. I needed to make it right with Sabrina. I went to class and found Sabrina sitting in her desk.

"Sabrina?" I looked at her as she looked up at me standing here. Class was too loud for anyone to even notice us talking.

"What?" She asked in a tone that wasn't mad or happy.

"I heard you and Row are back in gear." I searched myself to figure out more to say.

"Yeah, we are." Sabrina looked at me waiting for the rest of my story.

"I wanted to apologize again." She nearly rolled her eyes at me but stopped herself. "I was drunk and I should've handled things better." I continued and she softened up more. "Rowan forgave me." I took a deep breath. "Can you too?" I opened myself to her hoping for a good response.

"Okay." Sabrina said to me. My friend is back. "It's going to take sometime for the three of us to get to where we were." She breathed. "But it'll get there."

"Thanks Sab." I smiled.

Now that Sabrina and I are good, Rowan and I are good things can slowly be like the way they were before. I just need to get everything back to normal before I try and talk some sense into Rowan. I knew Sabrina would back me up about Kendall being a douche bag. I also can go to her brother and parents. Anything to get her away from him before he becomes a bad influence or dumps her once he gets what he really wants from her.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Here it is! Review! If I ever accidentally call Josh their cousin don't mind it please lol I always catch myself but I almost left it in. I'm not sure if I'll post tomorrow I want to write more but I have a super bad headache. I have new stories on my page and it would mean the world to me if you reviewed them and let me know if I should continue or not.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Rowan's POV**

Kendall and I went to our classes. I felt bad about how my conversation went with Lucas. We made up but I could see he was hurting about me being with Kendall. It didn't help that Kendall was rude to him. I didn't blame Kendall for being jealous. I would probably be jealous too if he had a girl best friend. I wanted him to be more understanding. Kendall told me I should not hang around Lucas as much or else he'll get the wrong idea. That was the last thing I wanted. I hoped for Kendall and Lucas to become friends but that won't happen. Kendall walked me to every class this morning. He was glued to me all day it seemed like. It was odd, I knew he wanted to be with me after the whole homecoming thing but I didn't realize how exclusive he was ready to be. He was making it clear that we were together. Kendall had always seemed like the type to not be fond of PDA unless he was screwing around. My thoughts were starting to sound more like Jamie so I disregarded them and decided to go with it. It was nice having someone that liked me around. Someone that wasn't forced to be in my life. There was a lot of stares. People couldn't believe we were actually dating. I understood that a lot, I couldn't either.

"See you after school." Kendall kissed my hand and left me to my class.

"Bye. Have fun in class." I sweetly smiled. I walked into the classroom and sat down next to Sabrina. I felt a little relieved to see her.

"Hey Row!" Sabrina said looking over at me.

"Hey, what going on?" I asked Sabrina as I pulled my hair out of my face and looked for a pen.

"Mrs. Hand gave us so much work." She pointed to the white board.

"Great!" I said sarcastically.

"You and Kendall are looking super close." She said copying down the notes written on the board.

"Yeah." I smiled quickly getting my stuff out.

"I'm happy for you." Sabrina said giving me a smile and turning back to her work. At least someone is.

 **Sabrina's POV**

I didn't know how Rowan went from wanting to be with Kendall, to not knowing, to being this close to him. It was odd to me but they looked good together. Kendall wasn't who I thought he was. I'm glad because my best friend deserved to be happy. She looked a lot happier now. We sat in class and listened to the teacher bitch about random stuff I wasn't interested in. The bell rang and I walked down the hallway.

"Hey!" I heard from down the hallway. It was Josh.

"Josh, how's your first day going?" I asked the gorgeous man standing in front of me.

"Good!" He exclaimed.

"That's awesome." I grabbed a drink of water from my bag.

"The school is a lot bigger than I thought it would be." Josh laughed after getting lost a few times.

"Yeah I got lost many times my first week." I laughed at the memories of a couple months ago.

"Can you help me find the nurse?" Josh asked me wondering.

"Yeah, why? Are you okay?" I asked Josh looking at him not seeing anything wrong.

"I'm fine I'd just like to know." He said as we started walking. That's weird. We walked downstairs and the corner by the office.

"Here it is." I said curious to know what he was up to.

"Thanks babe." Josh said before winking at me as he headed into the nurse's office.

My body melted. Babe? He was so smooth and he didn't even know it. I replayed that wink in my head over and over again. As I stayed outside of the nurse to see what it was about. If he wanted to know where it was then why did he go inside? I waited for twenty minutes. I knew that, that was a little excessive but I wanted to know if he was okay or not.

 **Rowan's POV**

Kendall met me outside of the classroom as my last class ended. I wanted to catch up with Sabrina but he wanted to walk with me so I went with it. We held hands and walked down the hallway. I saw Jamie standing there with a group of friends. Fear all over my face. This is not something I wanted to happen. It was the opposite. I was scared that he was going to walk over to us. We stood at Kendall's locker so he could put his books away.

"What?" Kendall asked me noticing something was weird with me.

"Nothing." I lied, I didn't want him to know I was worried about how my family would react to him. I didn't want that to make us break up.

"Just tell me." He demanded. I had to tell him.

"That's my brother." I quickly pointed in the direction he was standing.

"And?" Kendall raised his eyebrow in confusion. His tone made me uncomfortable.

"He isn't exactly fond of the fact we're dating." I admitted to my boyfriend.

"Then he can go fuck himself." He said and I was taken back. "It's not of his business."

"I know but he just worries about me." Kendall wasn't wrong about it not being his business but I knew my brother just had good intentions.

"So? Tell him to stay out of our relationship." He said closing his locker.

"I will. I'm just worried about him telling my parents." I said nervously.

"I'll win them over. Don't you worry." Kendall reassured me.

"How?" I asked wondering what he could do to get my parents to agree to me dating a senior.

"I'll talk to them before the dance." He said.

I was called down to the office an hour later. I knew what it had to be about and I was so nervous. My brother was so toast. I walked into my dad office and I sat down.

"Hi daddy." I whispered.

"I'm hearing from sources that you're seeing a senior boy." I dad said sternly.

"Yes it's true." I admitted expecting him to call my mom.

"Who is this boy?" My dad asked.

"Daddy, It's Kendall Hess." I sat there.

"Kendall? He's much older than you Rowan!" My dad exclaimed. It was over before it even started.

"It's treating me good." I breathed. "He's a good guy." My dad picked up the phone and dialed it. "Trust me please."

"It's not about trusting you honey." He said before speaking onto the phone. "Send Kendall Hess down to my office." My dad said to his assistant. This sucked.

"Please don't call him down here dad!" I begged my dad not to do it.

"Go back to class." He put his foot down.

My dad sent me back to class and I waited to hear anything from Kendall or my dad. When the last bell rang I headed to the office and waited outside. It was a few minutes until I saw Kendall coming out of there with a smile on his face.

"What happened?" I asked him loudly.

"Nothing, we got that approval you wanted so desperately." He smiled at me.

"What? How?" I was in shock. My dad would never agree to this.

"Don't worry about it. I have my ways." He laughed and I smiled, he pulled me into a kiss.

Kendall had convinced my dad to let him date me, he won my best friend over. This boy knew how to do anything. I still knew I would have to deal with my mom and brother.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I want more feedback on what you hope to come!**


	12. Chapter 12

I entered my home with Kendall by my side and my uncle following closely behind us. My dad was still at work along with my mom. That was the only reason I allowed Kendall over even though apparently he had my dad approval. I was fuming in anger towards my brother I knew I was going to explode. Kendall sat on the couch and pulled me into his lap. He was trying to brighten my mood. It was working. Josh walks into the room and eyes us before walking to the fridge. I was surprised he didn't say a word about our position. Kendall kissed me passionately as Josh's back was turned, I pulled off quickly and we giggled.

"What's so funny?" Josh asked turning around with a juice box. He looked like a little kid.

"Oh nothing." I smile to Kendall. Kendall put his hand on my thigh it made me feel uncomfortable. I let him anyway.

"Is that a juice box? Dude are you ten years old?" Kendall laughed and Josh rolled his eyes. I could tell he wanted to say something back but didn't out of respect to me.

"Shush Kendall." I said to my boyfriend as Josh laughed and went into his room.

"Don't fucking shush me." Kendall said nastily pushing my hand away roughly. I shook it off.

My brother walked into the room. He shot us a dirty look. I was glad Kendall didn't see it. The anger filled my body I got off of Kendall's lap and I grabbed his arm dragging him into my room.

"I can't believe you're bringing him into this house!" Jamie growled at me.

"And I can't believe that you told dad!" My blood was boiling, I have never been this angry.

"What?" He asked.

"You told dad about Kendall!" I yelled. "How could you?"

"I didn't. I was going to but Josh said he would handle it." Jamie said and I calmed myself down.

"What do you mean he will handle it?" I asked looking at my older brother.

"I don't know he said he would kick his ass if he hurt you." I rolled my eyes at my brother's comment. Josh was tough but Kendall was bigger than him.

"Okay whatever. Leave me and Kendall alone." I believed him but I didn't magically forgive him for almost telling my dad.

"No! You need to tell him to leave." Jamie said. "Mom and dad will be home soon."

"You messed up by not telling dad sooner because Kendall got approved by dad." I said with a smile on my face rubbing it in his face.

"What? How?" Jamie was shocked.

"I don't know but it doesn't matter. He's my boyfriend and he's going to be around more. Get use to it." I left my brother in my room and went back to Kendall who was sitting on the couch still watching tv.

We hung out for awhile and talked more. We were moving fast and I wanted to get to know him better. We went to get dinner at a diner. It was mostly to avoid my mom since I knew she was going to want to talk to me about having my first boyfriend.

I walked into my room followed by my mom.

"So your dad tells me you've be been seeing an older boy." My mom looks at me with her arms folded. I nodded. "Why didn't you just tell us?

"I knew you wouldn't let me date him." I spoke only the truth.

"Well, you might be right but I will always take you seriously before I say no." My mom hugs me.

"So why did dad say yes?" I asked her wondering what Kendall wouldn't tell me.

"He told your dad about the way he was raised to value woman and treat them with respect." She smiled. "Also that his dad is a preacher and raised him to be a certain way. We think it's nice. You don't see that everyday."

"Uh yeah, I know." I smiled back and went along with Kendall's story that I knew was bull. I couldn't believe my dad didn't check up on his story. I think Kendall said his dad was in and out of jail behind he was born. It's not like that would be hard to find out. My dad must have really trusted him. Everyone in my life was so accepting besides my brother. This is way different that I though it would be.

Sabrina's POV

I woke up and yawned. Thursday, the only day of the week my mom was home in the morning. I got dressed, not as fancy as the previous day. I made my way down to the kitchen to greet my mom. She wasn't in there, it was odd. We always do Thursday breakfast at McDonald's. I went to her room and found her passed out in her clothes from the previous night. She was wearing her shoes and everything. I sighed and walked over pulling her shoes off. I put them in the corner and pulled the covers over her. I went to grab my stuff and walk to Rowan's house. She will probably be surprised to see me. I didn't know what to do. I never found out why Josh was at the nurses office. I had no choice but to go to class and couldn't wait any longer. I wasn't sure if I should tell Rowan or not. He was her family not mine, but he deserved some privacy. I had already knew something was up so I don't think I could let this go. I knocked on the front door of the Matthew's house.

"What are you doing here? It's Thursday." Rowan said letting me in.

"Mom forgot." I said quietly as her face softens. "Again." She pulled me into a hug, she knew it hurt loosing the only times I get with my mom a week. Rowan is the greatest friend a girl could have.

We ate and I avoided talking to Josh till we got to school, he deserves more privacy than I was giving him. I won't let it go though, something didn't feel right.

"Have a great day!" Topanga yells at all of us as we all piled out of the car. Thursday's Cory had morning meetings and she drove us to school or we took the bus.

"Bye Mom." Rowan said before running inside as it started to rain. Josh and Jamie were following and I followed Josh.

"Wait up!" I yelled for Josh and he turned around.

"What?" He turned around asking me.

"Can we talk?" I asked him hoping I wasn't being pushy.

"Yeah, about what?" Josh asked me as we walked to his class. My class was on the opposite part of the school not that I cared about that.

"I want to know what's going on with you." I hoped for a good outcome. "The nurse yesterday. You were in there for a long time."

"Yeah, it's not big deal." Josh mentioned.

"I think it is. I'm worried and I want to know." I begged.

"Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself." He looked at me.

"You don't have to take care of yourself. You have so many people that care about you. Let me help you." I grabbed his hand.

"Look Sabrina, you're great and all but you need to mind your own business. I'm not your boyfriend." He said sternly.

"I know that! I just want to help." I tried my best to convince him.

"You're can't help me. You're just a kid!" Josh spouted that word again. I will always be this to him unless I make it clear that I refuse that title.

"I'm not just some little stupid kid Josh! I'm a person and I'm someone that actually cares about you." I said without catching a breath and poured my heart to him. "Maybe you're just scared someone actually cares deeply for you."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Hello! Soon enough there will be big things hehehe**


	13. Chapter 13

Sabrina's POV

I stood there in front of Josh after everything I said. It was too much but it had to be said. I was scared of what he was going to say but he just stood there staring at me. It was only a minute but it felt like much, much longer.

"I'm sorry but you're wrong. I don't want to do this with you." Josh said letting me down softly.

"Josh-" I was cut off.

"I'm not afraid of anything." He walked away and I stood there hurt, worried and vulnerable.

I didn't see him for the rest of the morning. I was really hurt. I went to lunch and sat down with Rowan like I normally did. It was pasta day so there wasn't a long line and we started eating and talking about a movie we wanted to see. It was good to get my mind off of Josh. Rowan always made me feel better. In mid talk we saw Lucas across the lunch room.

"Lucas!" Rowan yelled with a mouth full of pasta. I laughed at my dork best friend.

"Chew your food." I said as I waved over to Lucas. He started walking over.

"Hey babe." Kendall said as he sat down next to Rowan he kissed her after she swallowed.

"Hey." She half smiled.

I saw Lucas back away and sit at another table. Lucas looked hurt. He didn't want to sit here with Kendall. I started to catch on how deeply he cared about her. I felt guilty about my feelings for Lucas. I knew they weren't the same as my feelings for Josh. I was lying to them and myself.I'm the worst friend ever. I was standing in the way of Lucas being happy with Rowan.

Rowan's POV

I woke up Friday morning. It had been a week since that horrible night. Everything has changed so fast in just a week. It had me so baffled, who knew your life could change so quickly? I went to school the same routine as always. Kendall was extra clingy today. It was cute he wanted to be around me all the time. I hadn't spoken to my brother since the other day. Josh either, I wasn't mad at him but he was in a mood and started working at my mom's shop. It's going to be good for him I know that. Kendall wanted to take me out tonight on an actual date. He asked me after lunch and it caught me by surprise. I didn't think he did the whole dinner date thing. I was excited for it.

"Tonight Kendall's taking me to dinner." I smiled really big looking at my best friend.

"Really?" Sabrina asked finishing up her classwork. It was the end of the day everyone wanted to finish up so we can get to the weekend.

"Yeah and maybe a movie." I wasn't sure his exact plans. "Can you come over after school and help me plan what to wear?"

"Not today, sorry." Sabrina went back to her homework. That's strange.

"Why not? Do you have plans?" I wondered if she made plans with Lucas.

"No I just have a lot of housework to catch up on." Sabrina lied.

"Okay." I knew she was lying she never did house work. I was thinking maybe Sabrina felt left out. Kendall was taking up a lot of my time.

School ended and went home to get ready for my date. It was early since my dad set a curfew for us. It was 9 pm and that was on weekends. On weekdays it was 6:30 pm. That way I would always be home for dinner a 7.

"Row?" I had a knock on my door. It was Lucas.

"Lucas? What are you doing here?" I asked him confused.

"Sabrina told me you have a date with Kendall tonight." He walked closer to me.

"Yeah?" I stood there waiting for an explanation.

"Don't go." He whispered in my ear.

"Lucas, We've been over this!" I was upset at this point.

"I know but it's not because I want to be with you." Lucas looked at me. "He's not a good guy Row."

"I'm not doing this. He's a great guy! You don't even know him." I yelled at him.

"Please trust me!" Lucas exclaimed.

"Fine! What's this proof you have of him being a bad guy?" I asked him with anger on my face.

"I don't have proof. I have a feeling and it's not good." Lucas begged me not to go with him. He was just jealous

"I think you should leave." I showed him the door and I shut it.

I got ready for my date trying to forget about Lucas. It was bothering me for awhile but I finally let it go. Kendall picked me up and we drove to a restaurant.

"This place is really nice." I smiled.

"Yup!" Kendall said putting his arm around me.

"What are you getting?" I asked him as I was looking at the menu.

"A steak I think." Kendall answered.

"I'm thinking between chicken Marsala or a burger." I mentioned looking at the back of the menu.

The waiter came over to take our order as I had a mouth full of water. "I'll take a steak medium rare with a loaded baked potato and spinach and she'll have a salad with light Italian dressing." I looked at Kendall weird. Why was he ordering for me?

"Thanks." Kendall said handing the menus over to him.

"Why did you order for me? If it's money I can pay it's not a problem." I offered.

"Excuse me?" Kendall looked at me clearly angry. "I have money. I just don't want my girlfriend to get fat." He looked at me with a smirk.

"Oh." I felt defeated. I was anything but fat but I guess I'm at the age where I should watch what I eat.

"You're beautiful but you need to lose some pounds, you eat like a pig." Kendall insulted me.

"I normally. As normal as my friends do." I defended myself and he laughed at me.

"You're not exactly the same body type as Sabrina or you're little guy friend." He digs at me. "Don't worry. You're not that bad it won't be hard to get hotter."

"You're right." I don't know why I gave up I felt like I had to.

We ate dinner. He did, I picked at my salad. It's hard to eat in front of someone when they think you need to re-frame from eating. I felt really nervous about my image. We arrived back at my house and I went inside. I was starving but I avoided any snacks. I felt too sick to eat anything. I found my uncle sitting on the couch I laid next to him.

"Hey Josh." I said sighing as I laid there.

"What's wrong?" He asked me half paying attention and half watching TV.

"Nothing." I said staring at the TV.

"I'm sure that's not true." He busted me and he wasn't even fully paying attention.

"Do you think I'm fat?" I asked him. He laughed and turned to me.

"What? You're being serious?" Josh questioned me.

"Kinda?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Of course not." Josh was shocked. "If anything you're underweight."

"Thank you." I said feeling better about myself.

"Where is this coming from?" He asked me.

"Nowhere. I'm just curious." I lied looking at him.

"Don't think like that. It's not good for you." Josh said. "You need to remember how beautiful you are inside and out don't listen to the world." Josh was full of wisdom.

"That means a lot. You're the best." I hugged him and pulled away. "Why do you look upset?" I picked up from him.

"It's your friend. She's trying to get into my business. Can you get her to back off?" He asked me.

"Josh, she cares about you. Let her in." I advised him.

"I know she does but she's too young to understand things." Josh sighed.

"She's had a hard life. She's not too young to understand anything. Trust me." Sabrina was capable of handling a lot and I don't think he knows that. I was always so kiddish around him with no problems. I had it so easy and Sabrina was the opposite. She was around me because I was a breath of fresh air from life. I didn't like the idea of Josh and Sabrina getting close but I wasn't going to prevent it.

"It's not that easy." Josh thought about my words.

"She's nothing like me." I said before pausing. "I'm only kid in your life." I laughed and Josh smiled.

"You're right. I feel bad." Josh admitted.

"Don't tell me. Tell her." I smiled and hugged Josh before walking into my room.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Next chapter is Josh's POV! Let me know what you think! More reviews faster the chapters come!**


	14. Chapter 14

Josh's POV

It was Saturday morning and I was outside. Super early but I needed to clear my thoughts. I was up all night thinking about what Rowan said to me. I didn't think of Sabrina as a kid. I don't know why I kept calling her kid but it wasn't cool of me. She deserved better. Rowan helped me see what was already deep down. I knew she was right and I found myself on my way to Sabrina's house. I had to make things right with her. I walked up to her door and knocked. She opened the door standing there shocked.

"Can I come in?" I asked her and she stepped in so I could walk in.

"What's up?" Sabrina said trying to be casual.

"Let's talk, okay?" I asked her and she nodded. I sat down on her couch as she stood there.

"I'm ready." She agreed to talk.

"I don't think of you as a kid." I admitted.

"You don't?" Sabrina questioned me.

"No I don't and I'm sorry for always calling you one." I apologized.

"Then why did you?" She asked me trying to understand.

"Maybe you were right. I didn't want to get close to someone. I just didn't want to burden anyone." I said the truth.

"You are not a burden Josh!" Sabrina exclaimed.

"I have things going on that no one knows and it's difficult to talk about." I took a deep breath.

"You can tell me anything." She said with a smile.

"Sabrina, I have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy." I said looking into her eyes.

"What? What is that?" She questioned me with worry all over her face.

"It's a heart condition. My heart muscle is abnormally thick." She took my hand.

"Is it dangerous?" She sat down on the couch next to me.

"Yeah but I'm on medication to slow down my heart rate." I breathed. "I'm okay, I can pretty much do anything normal. I just have to be careful and not miss a pill." I explained to her she was scared.

"I'm so sorry, I should have left it alone." She apologized.

"No, listen it's okay. I need to be more honest." I realized.

"I will never do anything to go against your trust." She said. I trusted her.

"It's just hard for me sometimes." I admitted. My brother knew about my condition but he promised to be discreet. People at my old school knew about it and I didn't like the way they made me feel.

"I'm here for you." Sabrina said. "If you want me to be." I looked at her and took her hand.

"I want you to be." I smiled at her and she smiled back.

Rowan's POV

I was woken up by my phone ringing, I had a lot of missed calls. It was all from Kendall, his ring tone is louder than anyone else. He set it that way when he used my phone the other night. Kendall wanted me to always be able to hear his calls. Why was he calling me so much? I called him back worried that something was wrong.

"Hello?" I said gulping.

"What the fuck?" Kendall yelled.

"What?" I was nervous.

"You didn't call me this morning!" He exclaimed.

"I'm sorry I was sleeping!" I sat up and looked for something to wear.

"I'll be there in 5 minutes. Be ready." Kendall demanded.

I got ready really fast and brushed my teeth. I threw my hair up in a ponytail then I attempted to walk out the front door and I was stopped by my brother.

"Where are you going?" Jamie asked me with a stern look on his face.

"Out with my boyfriend." I said trying to leave but was blocked.

"Not so fast." He said looking at me. "Where?"

"Get a life." I rolled my eyes and left Jamie standing there. He thought he could parent me. I was tired of this.

I walked to Kendall's car and he was pissed off.

"I can't believe you." He growled as I got into the car.

"I'm sorry." I looked at him and he was really mad. "I was up late and I slept in." I admitted to the truth.

"Up late? Doing what? Cheating?" He accused me.

"What?" I was shocked. "I'm not cheating on you. I was up late with my uncle."

"Yeah, sure." Kendall pulled away. "I'm sure you didn't go fuck that Lucas guy."

"Are you kidding me? I'm a virgin. I've never even thought about cheating on you." I was so confused at where all of this was coming from.

"Okay fine. I"m sorry." Kendall gave in quicker than I expected and relaxed.

"Me too." I whispered quietly knowing he couldn't hear me.

We went to grab something to eat and then the store to grab stuff for his house. We pulled up in front of his house a while later. It was big and pretty.

"I love your house." I said as we walked inside.

"It's cool." He was disinterested in my words.

The house was decorated nicely. You could tell his mom was a big fan of the color yellow. Everything seemed like it was yellow, they even had yellow salt and pepper shakers. I found it odd but cute. We went up to his room and sat on his bed. His room was really big and bland. My room had color everywhere and his was just black and white with an occasional red or navy blue. I guess it was a manly room, but even my own brother's room was more colorful than this and Lucas' too. I stopped my thoughts right there as I realized I was comparing Lucas to Kendall and that wasn't fair to anyone.

"It's twice the size of my room." I said seeing that he had a couch in his room.

"I know." Kendall was on his phone and I sighed. I wanted to connect with him more now that we've gotten to know each other.

"What should we do?" I asked Kendall who looked at me with a smirk before putting his phone away.

"I have an idea or two." He grabbed my hand.

Kendall pulled me in and placed his lips onto mine. We leaned back onto his bed and he started kissing my neck before going back and kissing my lips. This was nice he was really gentle. I put my hand on his neck. His skin was burning hot. He started kissing my neck again. I giggled and pulled his head up to kiss him again. Kendall placed his hand on my thigh. It felt overwhelming, I felt like I couldn't breath. I realized I was having another panic attack. He moved his hand higher and I sat up really fast. He stopped and looked at me confused.

"What?" He asked annoyed.

"I-I c-can't breath." I manged to get out and sat there trying to get through it.

"Here." Kendall handed me a glass of water he had next to us.

"Th-ank y-you." I said sipping the water. He hugged me and held me in his arms.

"You'll be fine." He kissed my head.

Kendall was surprisingly cool about my panic attack. I was shocked he was there for me. The only person to ever see me have one is Sabrina and I didn't even tell her I was having one. She thought I was just upset. I told Kendall and he was so sweet about it. He really was a good guy unlike what people say. I'm so lucky to have him.

"Sorry about everything tonight." I said as Kendall stroked my hair.

"It's okay baby." I laid in his arms. We didn't do anything after my panic attack but watch a movie and cuddle. "I know you can't control panic attacks."

"I just don't want you to feel bad." I kissed his cheek. I've been having panic attacks every single night I usually don't get them during the day. I didn't really give much thought into why I was having them I chalked it up to those freaky dreams.

"I don't. You need more time before we do anything and I understand that." Kendall said taking my hand.

"You're the best." I smiled sweetly and fell asleep in his arms.

We slept and this felt safe.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I have the next few chapters written mostly there's a few things missing that I added when I started this story but I would love some predictions! It's really funny to see them especially since I've seen a few that were** **extremely** **on point. Review for more!**


	15. Chapter 15

Rowan's POV

Kendall and I have been together for a few weeks. It's been great. We haven't done anything but kissing and I hope it stays that way. After the whole incident it proves that I'm not ready for sex or anything physical. I think he understands that, so it's good between us. Sabrina thinks we're the cutest couple of all time and it was nice to see her do a 160 on her Kendall feelings. It's good to still Sabrina so supported because Lucas stopped talking and eating lunch with us too. I felt bad to break up the band but Kendall's my boyfriend. There wasn't anything I could do to change his opinion of me. Lucas let his feelings for me ruin our friendship. It hurt but besides that things couldn't be any better. Josh and Sabrina have been spending a lot of time together with me and without me. I would have thought they were dating if most of the time my older wasn't glued to Josh's hip. Jamie has become the ultimate cock blocker. Whenever Kendall was over he had to keep coming in making sure we weren't doing anything. I was kind of glad because being alone with Kendall and a bed made me nervous. I had doubts if Kendall wasn't telling me the truth but then I realize the guy I know wouldn't do something as horrible as rape. He's so sweet to me and has been the perfect boyfriend. My life went from great to horrible to amazing in just a month.

How was that even possible?

Teenagers.

I finally understand all the things parents say about becoming a teen.

You become a moody emotional mess.

"Hello?" A knock came from my door and my uncle walked in.

"Hey Josh." I smiled. He looked nervous. "What's going on?"

"Would it be cool if I asked Sabrina to homecoming?" Josh asks me. Wow, I didn't think it was ever going to happen.

"You guys are dating?" I asked him. I wouldn't love that idea but I wouldn't be mad.

"No, I'm not ready for anything serious right now. I just want to take her out and make her feel good." Josh explained to me.

"Josh, I don't want you to hurt her." I expressed my feelings.

"I would never hurt her. I care about her but she's younger than me and I want to respect her innocence." Josh didn't want Sabrina to grow up faster than she already has due to her home life. I respected how amazing of a guy Josh is being.

"Go ask her." I said with a bright smile. "Have a good time."

Sabrina's POV

I walked into the Matthew's house looking for Josh. I knew Rowan would be out with Kendall or in with him. I liked him but I didn't like how much time they spent together. It wasn't healthy. They've been dating around a month and they've spent nearly everyday since together. It was bugging me. I missed having my best friend. I got spun around by Josh and I burse out in laughter.

"Hey bud!" I giggled at the nickname I gave him. He rolled his eyes and we sat on the couch together.

"The homecoming dance is tomorrow." Josh grinned at me. I looked at him.

"And?" I asked.

"Do you want to go together?" He asked me. I wasn't going to go but now I guess I am.

"As a date?" I wondered.

"Kind of." He said with a weird look on his face.

"Kind of? What does that mean?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm not ready to have a relationship right now and the age difference is something to consider." Josh said and I looked down.

"I know." I whispered. He took my hand and I looked up.

"But, I like you and I want to spend more time with you." He stared for my answer.

"I'll go okay?" I rolled my eyes at his romantic speech and threw on the TV. I could feel him smiling from behind.

About an hour later Rowan walked in and she seemed upset.

"I'll be right back." I said to Josh as I followed Rowan into her room. "What's going on?" I asked her as she wiped her make up off.

"Nothing." Rowan said.

"You came in with the saddest look on your face." I mentioned. "What happened? Did you and Kendall break up?" I asked wondering the truth.

"No! Are you kidding me?" She was offended with my question. I sat down on the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry, what really happened?" I promised not to guess.

"Kendall and I had a fight about tomorrow." Rowan said laying down.

"Why? About the dance?" I asked.

"He wants to plan something special for afterwards and my curfew is earlier than we both anticipated." She cried. "He has to cancel everything and is really mad about it." Rowan looked really upset. I didn't like seeing her like this.

"Tell your dad that you're sleeping over my house. Then when you're done with the surprise, you can tell him I was feeling sick." I agreed to help lie to her parents thinking about all of the times Rowan has helped me out.

"Thank you Sabrina! You're the best!" She hugged me tightly. "Let's have a girls night in and watch a bunch of movies."

"I'm in!" It was nice spending time with her and only her. We put on a movie and got snacks.

Rowan fell asleep a few hours later and I went into the hallway. I peaked into Josh and Jamie's room to see if Josh was up. He was sound asleep but Jamie was nowhere to be found. I was about to walk in before I heard a noise.

"Sabrina?" Jamie said softly.

"Oh my gosh!" I shouted.

"Shhh!" He said.

"I almost jumped out of my skin!" My heart was racing. Rowan and I had just watched a horror movie.

"What are you doing up?" Jamie asked me.

"I wanted to see if Josh was awake." I admitted. I don't think Jamie knew about how things were with Josh and I.

"No, but if it makes you feel better he never shuts up about you." Jamie rolled his eyes and smiled.

"It does." I smiled. "What are you doing awake?"

"I was just trying to brainstorm ways to get Rowan to break up with Kendall." Jamie said honestly.

"Jamie, she's happy. You have to let her make her own mistakes." He didn't see it how I did.

"Happiness doesn't cut it. She's in over her head. I don't want her making a mistake that would ruin her life." Jamie whispered he was hurting over Rowan's choices.

"She's smarter than that." I said trying to ease him. "She knows better and she's got me. I'm looking out for her. Trust me."

"Fine, but if something happens I will blame you." He said sternly and went into his room. I walked back to Rowan's room and laid down.

Rowan's POV

It was today. Homecoming, my first real dance. I was so excited to see Kendall all dressed up and handsome. I had the most beautiful sparkly purple dress. I got into the shower and spent awhile in there thinking about the past month of my life. It's been great and messy but overall I'm happy. I got out of the shower and blow dried my hair. I did my make up, not too much and not too little. Then I did my hair half up, half down. It was my favorite dressy hairstyle. The last time I was this dressed up was my aunt's wedding. My uncle Shawn said I looked so much like my mom. I felt proud. Today I feel grown up for a night.

"You look beautiful." My Mom says as she walked in while I stood dressed for homecoming.

"Thank you Momma." I smiled at my mom.

"When did you become so grown up?" She asked me.

"I'm not sure." I giggled.

"I can't wait to see you with Kendall." She hugged me.

"He makes me really happy." I said as the bell rang.

"That must be your date!" My mom said.

We went into the living room and Kendall stood there in a suit looking dapper.

"Wow Rowan, You look amazing." He touched my hand.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I smiled flirty.

"It's nice to see you Mrs. Matthews." He shook my Mom's hand than Jamie's and my Dad. This was interesting seem show much they liked him.

"Nice now let's go eat!" My dad exclaimed. We had a nice light dinner and left.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Thank you for understanding that I would like more reviews about what you think. I will post the next chapter tonight if I get 4-5 reviews about what you think will happen at homecoming! It's going to be an interesting dance!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sabrina's POV**

I stood dressed in my gold dress. I had taken it from my mom's closet. It was really pretty, I always wanted to take it. She didn't know I was raiding her closet. I was sneaky. I was really excited for tonight. I had made sandwiches for Josh and I a few hours ago. I wanted to make sure he ate, any chances with his health I didn't want to take. I don't really know much about his heart condition but it's never good to go time without eating. I heard the knock at the door and ran for it. I opened it to Josh looking like a million bucks.

"Hey handsome!" I invited him in and closed the door.

"Hey!" He exclaimed. "You look so beautiful." Josh was looking at me differently.

"Thank you." I blushed.

Rowan's POV

We got to the dance. Kendall opened my door for me so gentlemen like. Sabrina and Josh went separately, It was Kendall's idea. I just told my parents that he wanted to talk to her mom. Jamie didn't show up for dinner. I knew he wouldn't have sat there and listened to Kendall talk without saying something. I was really relieved that he didn't come. I didn't know if he was even going to the dance or not. I didn't really care. As we walked in I felt all eyes on me. We went to the dance floor and joined everyone. This dance was way better than the party. It felt magical and danced for a good half hour and went to get something to drink. It was really fun being here with Kendall. I didn't see Josh or Sabrina anywhere the whole night. I wish Sabrina and Lucas were here to enjoy it with me.. It was still a good time.

"Hey, Are you Kendall's girl?" A taller boy with blonde hair says from behind me. "I'm Bryan."

"Uh yeah hi." I smiled while being both confused and dazed.

"Where is he than?" The man asked me.

"Getting me a drink." I looked at him.

"Wanna dance?" He asked me.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I didn't want to cause any trouble.

"Please? My date canceled on me and I want to enjoy the dance." The boy asked once more.

"Okay, but just until Kendall comes back." I smiled.

"Deal." We walked out to the dance floor and started dancing.

 **Josh's POV**

Sabrina looked so different tonight than she's ever looked. I found myself staring at her talk. She was so cute when she went on a tangent. Sabrina and I ate ham and cheese sandwiches she made us. She was the sweetest, as we talked and ate I couldn't stop my thoughts. I wanted her in my life for real.

"How was it? Did I add too much cheese?" She asked me.

"Nope, super good." I laughed at her worry of cheese. We finished up and cleaned up the the mess. "Ready to go?" I asked her.

"Yup!" She said excited. We got to the front door as it opened. "Mom?" Sabrina questioned her mom who was stumbling.

"B-baby!" Katy slurred. She was super drunk. I watched Sabrina's face drop from excitement to pure worry.

"How much did you drink?" Sabrina questioned her mom as we helped her to the couch.

"A lot!" She drunkenly laughs. "Is that my d-dress?" Katy was confused.

"Yeah mom, homecoming?" She said while her mom kept the same look on her face. "The dance I'm going to tonight?"

"Oh yeah!" Katy said trying to stand up but failing.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked Sabrina not knowing if this was an often occurrence.

"Yeah." Sabrina answered. I watched her sigh. "We can't go to the dance."

"I know." I sensed her disappointment but I knew the second her mom walked in that we couldn't leave her here. It sucked but this is what you do for family and I understand that more than anything. There will be other dances, I didn't even care about the dance I cared about her.

 **Rowan's POV**

It was a cool feeling getting asked to dance with someone I don't know. That would have never happened to me before I started dating Kendall. He was really nice, I felt bad his date canceled on him.

"What is going on?" Kendall came out. I let go of the guy I was dancing with and noticed Kendall was mad.

"We were dancing." I was scared.

"You're my date!" He yelled and people looked at us.

"It's just a dance!" I stood up for myself.

"Just a dance? So this date isn't good enough for you?" Kendall yelled. People were looking.

"Kendall, relax a dance is just a dance" I said once more. I'm with you not him."

"We're leaving!" He barked his order at me.

Kendall and I got into the car after that scene. I was embarrassed at what happened.

"I can't believe you!" Kendall yelled.

"I'm sorry I didn't know it would bug you!" I yelled. I wanted to apologize but I was so mad he did that.

"You're just a slut!" I nearly laughed at that ridiculous comment.

"I'm a virgin!" I was confused.

"Sure." He said sarcastically. What was that supposed to mean?

"What is your problem?" I asked.

"You!" He grabbed my arm tightly. It almost felt like he was cutting off circulation.

"Let go of me!" I said trying to break his grip.

"Shut it!" Kendall let go and slapped me across the face. Hard. It hurt.

He started driving as tears fell. He didn't speak to me the whole way home, I just sat there in shock. I never thought he'd do something like that. Yes, he was often mad at me. He's said things to me that you would never want someone to say to you. Kendall's never hit me. He's grabbed me a few times but this time he slapped me. I was scared to say anything else to make him mad. We pulled up to my house and he got out of the car to open my door. I looked at him and gulped before stepping out of the car.

 **Sabrina's POV**

I put my mom to bed after a long night of babysitting her. It was horrible, I felt bad for putting Josh in the middle of my drama. This isn't an everyday thing for my mom but it's not like it's something that never happened before. I wanted to have one good night with him where I felt like a queen. I didn't get my special night.

"I'm sorry about all of this." I said to Josh after we finally sat down on my couch. It was late now the dance would be almost over.

"It's fine. I had a good time tonight just being with you." He smiled.

"I know, me too but I wanted to dance. I wanted to have fun and get out of my comfort zone." I said knowing I wasn't a dance kind of girl.

"We can dance." Josh said as pressed play on his phone, he stood up and put out his hand. I took it and he pulled me close.

"You're kind of amazing." I smiled as we danced. I felt like I was on top of the word.

"Nah that's you." He chuckled. I buried my head into his neck.

"Thank you." I felt the warmth of his body.

 **Rowan's POV**

"I'm sorry, I'll call you tomorrow." He kissed my lips and brushed his hand over my hair. I didn't speak or feel. He got in his car and I watched him drive away just staring.

I took a deep breath and I walked inside of my house. I quickly passed everyone so no one would see my face. I went straight to my bathroom to look in the mirror. I had a pink mark on my cheek. It would probably be gone by morning. It wasn't bad enough to bruise but my arm was a different story. It was already bruising and I don't know what to do. I thought I knew this man but I guess I was wrong. I changed and got some sleep. I woke up to my phone ringing. It was Kendall, I ignored the call to give us some space. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do so I didn't want to see him until I made up my mind. I was so confused. He kept calling all morning, so I texted him saying I needed space. Then silence for the rest of the day. It was good. I spent the day relaxing and doing the things I love. I relaxed and the next morning went over Kendall's house. I wasn't sure what to say to him but I was going to just play it out. I wanted more time to think but I also didn't want to do this at school and be caught off guard. I knocked twice and then he answered the door.

"Hi." He spoke revealing a black eye.

"What happened?" I gasped. "Are you okay?" He stepped out of his house and we sat on the porch swing.

"My dad wasn't in the best of moods last night." Kendall looked down.

"He beat you?" He nodded. It must run in the family. "Is that why you hit me?" I wasn't mad. I wanted to understand.

"I'm so sorry about that. I never felt like that before and as soon as I did it I-I felt hopeless." Kendall takes my hand. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did." I felt sorry for him but it didn't change the fact that it happened.

"I made a mistake. My dad always handled his anger with hitting and because of that I guess it rubbed off on me." He took a deep breath. "I really like about you and if it helps I'm in therapy getting help. I don't want to lose you."

"You aren't losing me." I wrapped my arms around him.

"Really?" Kendall touched my hair and I pulled away.

"I understand now." I said with passion taking his hand into mine.

"Thank you, No one has ever cared enough to stick around when I tell them about my crappy life." He smiled.

"I'm not them. I will always be here for you." I smiled.

"I love you Rowan." Kendall whispered kissing my cheek.

"What?" I was caught off guard.

"I love you." He looked in my eyes.

"I love you too." I said breathless and he had the biggest smile across his face.

I wasn't so sure I was in love but when he said it, my whole world lit up.

Kendall Hess was in love with me and that made me popular. It made me the luckiest girl in the world according to all underclassmen and maybe even upperclassmen. That's not the part I cared about. He's opened up to me unlike any other girl.

I was special.

I was Kendall's girlfriend.

I was in love.


	17. Chapter 17

**Rowan's POV**

I was now a girl in love with a boy. It was odd to me, being in love. They say you do crazy things for love. Maybe that's why I forgave Kendall for hitting me. He made me feel so alive. Before I met him I felt insecure, I felt like a loser, and I felt like I was floating through life. Now I feel like I have a purpose. I know it sounds weird but for some reason I do. It wasn't like Kendall did it for no reason. I danced with that guy when I was suppose to be with him. I was wrong first and he was sitting worse for hitting but he see's his dad do it, he doesn't know any better. I wanted to make sure that I was there for Kendall. I'm not a quitter.

"Row?" I heard my door opening revealing my dad. "You up?" He asked me.

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes and sat up yawning. I had never fallen asleep, I tried but I couldn't. I took a nap at Kendall's and then we were up really late. I didn't miss curfew because I sneaked him into my bedroom.

"Get ready to leave in 20 minutes." My dad let me know.

"Why?" I asked him.

"We have to do a few things before school." He said leaving the room.

I looked at my clock and it was 4 am. I was still drowsy. What did my dad need at 4 in the morning? I didn't have the energy to fight. I just listened and got ready. My mark on my cheek was already gone so I didn't have dark bruises on my upper arms. I still had to wear sleeves just in case. Good thing it was cold out. We I finished getting ready I got into the car and I saw Josh and Jamie sitting inside already. I got in next to Josh and my dad pulled away.

"Where are we going?" I begged my dad to tell us after 20 minutes of driving. Jamie wouldn't even look at me and Josh was texting people. I wish Kendall was awake so someone that loved me wouldn't be ignoring me.

"Here." He pulled in and arrived at a diner near the airport. That only meant one thing. Uncle Shawn.

We waked into the diner and saw my uncle Shawn standing there with a big bag. We all piled on top of him. It was good seeing him home again.

"What's everyone up to?" Shawn asks us as we wait for our breakfast. "I know it's been quite a few months." He missed us as much as we missed him. Shawn was away in south america working on a project. I didn't know much about it since he always left that part out when he called to say hi. We got a lot of pictures of him having a good time over there.

"Not much. Adjusting to life here. It's been easier than I thought it was going to be." Josh said.

"That's great bud!" Shawn said and looked over at Jamie.

"School's good, friends are fine, nothing really major going on with me." Jamie says to Shawn. My dad looked at me.

"Pretty much the same." I said as my dad, brother and uncle Josh shot their eyes at me. I didn't want to tell him about Kendall I already had three guys looking out for me I didn't need a fourth.

"She's got a boyfriend." Josh spits out at him. I rolled my eyes.

"And like you don't have anything going on with my best friend?" I smirked.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't" Josh admitted sticking his tongue out at me. Shawn and my dad were looking clueless.

"You two act like five year old kids." Jamie said. There he goes again acting if he was a parent.

"What is everyone talking about?" Shawn rubbed his head.

"I have a boyfriend and Josh is kind of seeing Sabrina. Jamie is single, sad and bitter over it all." I said proudly before looking at everyone who were shocked at how mean I was to my brother.

"Cold." Josh whispered.

"I'm going to wait in the car." Jamie before standing up and walking to the car.

"Rowan, you don't act like that to your brother. What has gotten into you?" My dad questioned me as my uncles watched.

"I don't know. I'm sorry. I won't do it again." I apologized and our food was served.

We ate and things were quiet for a few minutes until Josh and Shawn started to talk about Sabrina. Shawn and Katy dated for awhile but they broke up due to her cheating on him. She was a real classy lady. I felt bad for Sabrina. Shawn was a really good potential stepfather but Katy had ruined it all. Shawn warned Josh if he ever hurt Sabrina he would have to deal with him. When we finished eating we went to the car and my dad brought Jamie a to go bag.

 **Lucas' POV**

It's been weeks since I've spoken a word to Rowan or Sabrina. I missed them both a lot. It's so hard to be around them in class and not be speaking a word. I don't know how things got so bad. I know why it was Kendall but I can't grasp how Rowan let this happen. I heard rumors of him yelling at her in front of the homecoming dance. I wasn't around for that. I stayed home, not wanting to see them together. I knew something was up with him. He's the type to be controlling. I hoped she knew what she was doing. She's smarter then this. I thought about moving on. I met this girl recently. She's pretty, funny and nice. She wasn't like Rowan but she was still someone that I could see myself spending more time with. I've been hanging out with her a lot lately. Anything really to distract me from Kendall and Rowan's relationship.

"Hey Missy." I said looking at the girl that has consumed most of my time lately.

"Hey, What's going on?" She asked me.

"What are you doing tonight?" I asked knowing it was a school night."

"Nothing. My parents are out of town so I've been lonely." Missy said looking at me.

"I'm sorry, that must suck." I said as she nodded. "I wanted to see if you wanted to go to the movies tonight?" I asked her nervously.

"Of course! That sounds like fun!" She exclaimed.

"I'll pick you up at 7." I smiled as she went to hug me.

"Sounds great!" Missy pulled away and we went to class.

I felt relieved. This is exactly what I needed to get over Rowan. I just hope things go well.

 **Sabrina's POV**

This morning I got up and out of the house making sure to avoid my mom. I ended up being late for school just to not see her. I waited till she left and got ready. I was so angry with her for everything she put me through this weekend with Josh. I was wishing for one night where I had no responsibilities. It wasn't too much to ask for but she had to ruin that too like she ruins everything good in my life. I hadn't even talked to or seen my best friend the rest of the weekend. I was too angry to interact with anyone.

"Good morning muffin." A chuckle came from behind me. I turned around and saw Josh standing behind me holding a muffin.

"You're such a dork!" I laughed at him.

"What can I say? I have a thing for puns." He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. His hugs calmed me down so easily.

"You're lucky you're hot." I blurted out. This was going on for awhile now, the flirting between us.

"Am I now?" He pulled away and raised his eyebrow.

"Shut up!" I giggled. I wanted to move to the next level but we haven't even kissed yet.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Halloween is coming up for them hehe spooky. Also John Stamos rted me on twitter today and I'm still shocked haha! Also a big plotline is about to happen so prepare yourselves. If you want it please review and I work on it faster. Let me know what you think is going to happen. There are multiple things!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Rowan's POV**

I felt bad about treating Jamie badly today. I wanted to apologize but Kendall said I shouldn't. He was probably right. Jamie has been treating me badly for weeks. I fight back for once and everyone is mad at me. It's not fair at all. Everyone expects me to be perfect. I didn't care anymore I have a great boyfriend.

"Hey!" I ran over to Kendall who was standing with is friends outside of the gym locker room.

"Rowan, Kendall can't shut up about you." A green eyed, brown hair guy says to me as Kendall smiles weirdly.

"Is it because I'm that amazing?" I laughed at myself and the brown haired friend of Kendall joins in. Kendall stayed silent.

"Most definitely!" He continued laughing. "I'm Ollie by the way." He said as I extended my hand out to him.

"Don't talk to my girlfriend again." He glared at his friend and Kendall grabbed my arm tightly and I winced in pain.

"Let go of me." I growled back and he pulled me into a classroom.

"Don't you ever do that again!" He screamed. I was scared I stepped back a little.

"I'm sorry I thought you wanted me to be friends with your friends." I said with shaking hands.

"Why? So they could go after you? No you're mine." He demanded.

"I'm not some kind of pawn Kendall!" I explained. "I'm a person and a good one at that. I wouldn't cheat on you." I tried to get him to listen to me.

"I love you and I want you to be mine. I don't want you talking to other guys. Especially not my friends." He growled and I sighed.

"Fine." I said rubbing my sore arm. He kissed me.

We've only been dating for a little amount of time and he's already thinking about forever. I didn't know how I felt about it. I was happy but everything was moving so fast. I needed to talk this out with Sabrina. She's the only one that has my back in this.

 **Sabrina's POV**

Today was really slow so far. I got to see Rowan in class but we had a test so we couldn't talk at all. At this point I having best friend withdrawn and I didn't like it. Josh and I sat lunch together but Rowan never showed. Josh said she was avoiding him because of a fight she had with her brother. I didn't really know what happened, he didn't go into details. I knew we would sort it out later. I sat in class, it was math. I never liked it. I got a text on my phone and I read it.

"I'm sorry goodbye baby." My thoughts raced in fear.

I got up and left the classroom without saying anything. I ran out of school. I didn't live that far at all. My thoughts were empty my body was just moving faster than I thought I could go. It was cold and rainy outside. I finally got to my house and put my hand on the doorknob. I felt the emotions I suppressed on my run here. I took a deep breath and opened the door. I went inside and closed it behind me quietly. I looked around for my mom. No sign of her. I felt scared and worried. I ran up to my room and saw a note laying on my bed. This is it. Whatever is going on it's in this letter. My mom never wrote letters. I was confused at this whole situation. I just wanted to hug her tightly. I read the note to myself.

Dear Sabrina,

You are the love of my life since the moment I laid eyes on you. Everyday I spent with you has been a gift.

I love you so much and I want you to have a better life than I did. It starts with a goodbye.

It's for many reasons but not one of them has anything to do with how much I love you.

Please don't blame yourself for me leaving, you're the light in my dark life and always will be forever.

There's a lot of things you don't know about me. I don't want you to know them. You deserve to be happy.

Don't worry about me, I'll manage. This is the last time you'll hear from me. Don't be said baby girl.

I'll always be in your heart.

With Love,

Mom

Several emotions filled my head. Fear, anger, hurt and confusion were the prominent could she do this to me? I'm only fifteen years old. She leaves me for no exact reason. To protect me? Yeah right protect me by leaving me here alone with on one. What am I supposed to do? I can't go into foster care. My dad doesn't want me. All I had was my mom. The Matthew's had a full house and I was going to have to stay here till someone finds out. My mom didn't take much with her from what I could tell. She took the car, clothes and a few things. Most of our money was still in the secret money stash we keep in the closet. I could take over bills and sell things if I ran out. No one would even have to know she left. I just have to hold out till I'm sixteen and then I can file for emancipation.

I sat in my bed sighing. I knew this would never actually work. What was I even thinking? I thought I had a chance before realizing people will notice my mom's disappearance. I could keep it up for a week but then there's so many people that would have questions. There was no avoiding my future. I was scared. I felt myself dial Rowan's number.

"Hello?" She said on the phone.

"Please come over." I cried. I didn't want to be around anyone but I didn't want to be alone.

"What's going on?" She said as I hung up.

I didn't want to talk anymore I don't even know why I did it.

 **Rowan's POV**

I heard the pain in my best friend's voice and I was in fear for her. I told Kendall I needed to get to Sabrina, he agreed to take me there. I didn't know what she needed me for but I was going to do it. I couldn't let anything bad go on in her life. I raced to find Josh and found him leaving the nurse's office.

"There you are!" I tackled my uncle.

"What?" He yelled trying to catch his breath.

"Sabrina's in trouble! We have to go to her house." I let him know. I saw the worried look on his face he really cared.

"Is she okay?" He asked.

"I don't know. I texted Kendall he's in the parking lot." We left the school and got into Kendall's car.

We pulled up to Sabrina's house and went inside. Kendall dropped us off. I thought he would want to stay but I'm glad he didn't. I wanted to be here for Sabrina, whatever it is. I went inside without even knocking and Josh followed closely. I saw Sabrina laying on the couch sobbing. I went over to her and pulled her into my arms. Josh hovered over us not knowing what to do. I mouthed to him to call my dad. I didn't know what was going on but it was clearly bigger than we could handle.

"Sab, talk to us please." Josh pleaded to Sabrina who hasn't looked at his since we arrived. She stopped crying ten minutes ago.

"We're here for you no matter what. I don't care if you don't want to talk. It doesn't change anything." I said looking at Josh to let him know to be more calm. Sabrina reacted best in calm situations. If I was freaking out she would only be worse.

"She's right. I'm here too." Josh sat down next to her and rubbed her back as she was in my arms still.

I felt my phone go off a few times. I knew it was Kendall but this wasn't the time to be concerned with him. I needed to be here for Sabrina. I thought about calling Lucas to help out too, I knew he would want to be here for her even if things were bad between all of us. I didn't end up calling him because I was scared Kendall would find out.

My dad walked in with my mom and uncle Shawn. It was a relief they were getting involved.

"Sabrina?" Shawn says crouching down to Sabrina's level. He knew how to get through to her.

She looked up at him with her make up smudged. She didn't say a word but bear hugged him and didn't let go.

"Rowan?" My mom said calling me into the kitchen. I walked over leaving my best friend with my uncles.

"What?" I looked at my parents waiting for answers.

"Read this." My mom hands me a letter written to Sabrina.

We all looked at each other and glanced over to Sabrina and Shawn. My heart broke for her.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Here is the real chapter 18! Sorry about that haha. Katy won't be back. At least not for now. I'm thinking the Halloween chapter will be chapter 20.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Rowan's POV**

We took Sabrina home with us. She cried all night. I heard my parents and Shawn up all night talking. I didn't know what was going to happen but I was scared for her. I couldn't believe how selfish Katy was. This is her daughter not some piece of trash she can leave behind. Sabrina laid in my lap all night. I texted Lucas and told him what happened. He texted back saying he would reach out to Sabrina and to let him know if we needed anything. I kept it short with him and so did he. I know Kendall wants as little contact there as possible so that's what I was doing. Lucas had to know because he'll always be apart of us even if he's not around. I know Josh wanted to be here for her but she was in no condition to be around him right now. She didn't want Josh to see her like this. Sabrina is so strong, I've seen her cry and breakdown but it doesn't happen often. It's usually anger masked with sadness and then tears. This was straight up tears, what could I do? I held her in my arms and she finally fell asleep. I got up and went to call Kendall.

"Hello?" He answered annoyed. I had to call him to tell him about what happened or he would question everything.

"Hey, sorry about today." I said apologizing. "Sabrina's mom left her, she's over here now."

"What? That's crazy, what a bitch." He said.

"I know." I said yawning.

"Tell her I said sorry." Kendall mentioned.

"I will." I half smiled. It was nice he was caring about her.

"When can I see you?" He asked me.

"Not till the Halloween party." I said knowing Sabrina would keep me busy for awhile.

"Are you kidding me?" I could tell he wasn't happy. The Halloween party was coming up soon it wasn't that long of a wait.

"I'm sorry but Sabrina needs me." I was trying to make him calm down.

"She doesn't need you! I need you!" He demanded.

"I'll see you at school." I said.

"Fine. Whatever." Kendall hanged up on me.

"I love you too." I said to myself sighing.

 **Shawn's POV**

I woke up on the Matthew's couch. I knew that I needed a clear head after all the talking last night. We talked about all of Sabrina's options. She didn't have many now that Katy left. I was shocked that she left her own daughter. I've spent so much time with that woman she had her problems but she loved Sabrina. I loved being apart of that family until I had my heartbroken. Topanga ad Cory can't take her in after taking in Josh. It's a hard situation. I could've been her step dad at one point and I think I owe it to her to be there in her time of need. I knew I had to take her in. I didn't want to separate her from her friends and school. I know what it's like to be in her place. I don't know what would've happened to me if I didn't have someone having my back. She deserved to have a better life.

"Sabrina?" I knocked. "Can I come in?" Rowan smiled at me and patted me on the back.

"Please do something." She whispered in my ear.

"I will." I whispered back.

"You got this." She said before leaving the room.

"I need to talk to you." I said sitting on the bed. She looked up at me. "You know my mom left me when I was around your age."

"Yeah." Sabrina whispered and nodded.

"I wouldn't have gotten through that time if I didn't have the people that love and care about me looking out for me. I didn't think I had anyone when my parents were all messed up. I thought I was alone. Until the Matthews and my teacher Mr. Turner stepped up to help me out." I paused and she looked at me. "I want to step up." I was confident in what I wanted to be for her.

"What?" She said wiping away her tears.

"I want to move into the house." I said.

"I don't know what to say." Sabrina was confused and surprised.

"We found paperwork. Your mom kept my name on the lease." I looked at her wanting to know what she was thinking.

"You want to live with me?" She asked me with the brightest eyes I've ever seen.

"I want to adopt you." I said. "It's not going to happen over night but I've been where you are and I want you to feel safe." She smiled big and hugged me

 **Sabrina's POV**

I was touched by Shawn's kind heart offering to be the dad I never had. He was the only person who's ever made me feel like I wasn't the adult in my life. I appreciated him giving me that gift in my life. I agreed to him fostering me or whatever the term was. I didn't know much about the process. I just knew it would be us from now on and that made everything so much easier. It's been about a week and already and he's done more for me than my mom has in the past month.

"Morning!" Shawn said as I entered the kitchen. He was cooking. My kitchen being used again. What a beautiful sight.

"What's for branch?" I said realizing it was noon on a Wednesday. I slept in and it felt good. We were up late packing up my mom's room and putting it in the storage closet. We didn't pack away everything, just things that only she uses. Shawn moved the rest of his stuff in.

"Pork roll sandwiches." He smiled and turned back to the stove.

"Yum." I said sitting down. I found out after Shawn agreed to move in that we was already planning to move back here when he got a job offer. He just needed to find a place to stay at.

"What's on the agenda for this week?" Shawn asked me. There was no school today or tomorrow because the school was being fumigated.

"Halloween party at Bridget's house." I mentioned. I was going with Josh and I wanted to see him since I've been busy the past few days getting settled in. I haven't even really talked to him.

"Sounds like I need more information about this party." Shawn went parent on me.

"I'm going with Rowan and Josh. She's never done a single bad thing in her life." I giggled.

"You're right." Shawn laughed.

 **Rowan's POV**

It's been a week since that horrible day Katy left. Things have been really looking up for Sabrina. She and Shawn always connected well. Sabrina is my family, when she's doing good I'm doing good. I spent most of the week checking in on her and Shawn making sure she was okay. It's exciting Shawn moved in and wants to take on the parent role but she still misses her mom. I know she does. Kendall was mad that I kept going over there but I stayed up late almost every night to let him in my window. We would make out for like 20 minutes or he would watch something on TV and then he would leave. Most boyfriends would be okay with having a little time apart. Kendall wanted anytime he could get. If I was fifteen I feel like he would have made me move in with him. I didn't love having no space from him but it was also sweet. Seeing someone want me that badly. Tonight is Bridget's Halloween party. I had a vampire costume and Kendall was going as Dracula. I was nervous being back in that place. I wasn't sure why I felt like this. I know nothing happened like I once thought it did at the house, but I would still get those dreams once in a while. I had the dream again last night. I spent the rest of the morning shaking. I knew it was just a dream so I got over it. It's been about 6 weeks since that night. I can't believe how much is different.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **What do you think about this? I would like more opinions. I'm gonna need 5 reviews before I post again. Halloween coming next. Wild hahaha.**


	20. Chapter 20

I was dress up and ready for the party. I wore a more modern vampire costume. At first I bought a real costume but Kendall made me take it back this afternoon. Kendall didn't want to look stupid so instead of the full on Dracula look we went for more of a 'The Vampire Diaries' look. I had dark blue jeans, a red shirt, black jacket and blood around my mouth. Jamie had fake blood laying in his room. I think he was a zombie last year and never used the rest of it. I was beyond excited for tonight and my parents were totally cool with it. Last time they hadn't found out about the party but they were so against it. Now they're fine with it and with Kendall still. I was surprised because of how most parents react to their child dating on TV shows. Overprotective, I think my parents just really like Kendall. He kept them buying the fake life he painted for them. If they knew the truth I'm sure they would still like him. Yes he ditches class but he still has good grades and is an athlete. I can't do any better than that. Kendall even joked a few times that any other guy I dated after him would be all downhill. My parents probably knew that and didn't want to ruin things for me but scaring him away. I looked in the mirror. I looked so grown up it was kind of scaring me. I was too much of a kid to look this grown. Sabrina loaned me a cute pair of boots for the most perfect nice ever in her words. I want it to be a perfect night. I sat in the living room all alone. My parents drove down to Philly to see my grandparents, to give out candy. I didn't know where Jamie was going tonight but he wasn't home either. Kendall showed up a little bit later and we drove to the party.

"Here we are." He said as we pulled up and he turned off the car. The places where everything started. I felt strange, like I didn't belong here.

"Wow." I smiled at him and we got out of the car and walked up the steps we once sat. I had full on chills.

"You look hot." Kendall said kissing my lips and taking my hand to bring me into the living room. The house was full of people dressed with little clothing or covered in blood and gore.

"Thanks." I said looking around for Sabrina. She was going to dress as pirate and Josh was going as a baseball player. He found my dad's jersey and he took it so he didn't have to buy a costume.

We danced for a little but and then went to get snacks. I texted Sabrina and she was running late. She showed up about five minutes later.

"Hey!" Sabrina said loudly trying to talk over the music.

"Sabrina!" I smiled big and hugged her and then Josh. Kendall stood there angrily. I knew he wanted me all to himself. What was I suppose to do? Avoid Sabrina while at the same party? That's ridiculous she would get suspicious at why.

"Yo." Kendall shook my uncle's hand and they both seemed disinterested.

Sabrina and I talked for a few minutes and then we all danced for a bit until Josh and Sabrina went off on their own. I saw Lucas while I was dancing. He was dancing with Missy, I had classes with her. It shocked me. I didn't know he was interest in her. I guess I'm happy for him, finding someone he likes. I just miss him. Kendall pulled me to the side and whispered in my ear.

"Let's go upstairs." He said. I nodded yes but I didn't really want to go anywhere. I wanted to find Sabrina and Josh but I went anyway.

 **Sabrina's POV**

I was dancing with Josh. It wasn't as romantic as the last time we danced when it was just the two of us. It was still really nice. I needed this after the week I've had. Josh knew it too and we danced the night away it seemed. I'm glad he was showing me a good time here. I just have bad memories of fighting with Rowan here and it made me feel bad about the way I treated her that night. At least things are great between us now. We got drinks, non alcoholic drinks. Everyone at the party was pretty much wasted and we didn't want to be apart of it. I saw Lucas and Missy walk into the kitchen and next to us getting chips.

"Lucas?" I said looking at them. Josh stood next to us and nodded his head to them.

"Oh hey Sabrina." He said as we went to hug each other. "Josh." Lucas smiled at Josh and shook his hand.

"Missy right?" I said pulling away from Lucas.

"Yeah." Missy said taking Lucas' hand immediately. She seemed threatened by that exchange. I guess it was no secret I use to have a thing for Lucas but I think he could clearly see I've moved on.

"How have you been?" Lucas asked me.

"I've been better but things are looking up." I said. Lucas reached out to me on the phone a few nights ago to check in after Rowan texted him. We talked for about ten minutes.

"That's good! I'm sorry about everything. I wish I could do more." Lucas said as Missy and Josh stood there letting us talk it out.

"Can we have a minute?" I looked at Josh.

"Missy right?" He said guiding her to the other side of the room. Josh was seriously the best.

"I'm sorry Lucas." I said sighing.

"About what?" He asked me.

"Everything, for being so selfish." I admitted, I was selfish that night he admitted his feelings for Rowan and I made them both feel like shit for. I was selfish for not checking in on him like he did for me. I was selfish for not trying to be his friend.

"You're not selfish." Lucas tried to comfort me.

"Maybe not but I have been lately." I looked down. "I want you to know, I'm happy with Josh."

"You're dating? That's amazing Sabrina, I'm so happy for you." He smiled.

"Kind of but the thing is. I realized how I shouldn't treat you the way I have been. You deserve to be happy and I won't stop you from being with Rowan if that's what you want." I admitted my true feelings that once were clouded.

"She's with Kendall, I'm with Missy. That ship has sailed." Lucas sighed. I knew he appreciated my honesty even if it was late.

"I know for that I feel the worse about." I hugged him again. "If you get the chance. Go for it."

I pulled away and Josh walked back over with Missy. Lucas stared at me thinking about all I had said. They went off and left us here.

"What was that about?" Josh asked me.

"I was telling him to go for Rowan." I told Josh.

"And Kendall?" Josh asked.

"What about him?" I smiled.

I liked Kendall but I loved Lucas and if Rowan truly had feelings for Lucas then her and Kendall would never work out anyway. All I was doing was letting the truth go. Josh and I spent a little longer at the party but we got sick of it. I texted Rowan letting her know we were leaving and we took off. I went back home and we both had dinner with Shawn. It was really nice.

 **Rowan's POV**

Kendall lead me upstairs. I felt sick to my stomach. We entered an empty room, it wasn't the same room I pictured in my dreams. In the dream it was Bridget's room. We were in her parent's room. It was pretty big. Kendall laid down and I checked my phone and saw a text from Sabrina saying she and Josh were leaving. I texted her back that I was good here. I wasn't really. I didn't want to be alone at this party. Kendall stands up and takes my phone, tossing it on the table. I looked at him.

"You look amazing." He kissed me hungrily.

"Thank you." I said once we pulled away.

He brushed his hand on my thigh and kissed my neck. I swallowed and felt butterflies in my stomach but it wasn't the cute romantic type of butterflies.

"I love you." I took a deep breath trying to remind myself that I did love him and this is what couples in love do.

"I love you too." Kendall smiled grabbing my face and kissing me deeply.

It felt good but it scared me.

He took off my jacket and then his, I felt shaky. My mind kept flashing back to my dream where Kendall is on top of me.

Kissing me.

Touching me.

But this time I'm not saying no.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Next chapter picks up where I left off so any guesses? It's going to be all Rowan's POV and a long one. I want a lot of feedback on your thoughts about this story and the characters if you want chapter 21! It's all written so it's up to you now haha!**


	21. Chapter 21

Kendall took off his shirt and crawled on top of me. He kissed me deeply and I laid there everything was happening in slow motion. It was like I was watching from above. I felt nothing but anxiety. I kept having flashbacks of the dream while Kendall was kissing my neck. I was shaking and nearly crying.

"Baby, You okay?" He asked me and I nodded. I knew I wasn't okay but I was trying to be. He guided my shirt off and I laid there scared. I felt the air on my skin and the hairs on my arm were standing. He was placing kisses along my body.

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Can we slow down?" I asked him remaining calm. I couldn't go through with it. Things were getting heated way too fast and I didn't want anything else to go any farther. I knew I couldn't take it.

"Of course." He said nicely. I was thankful I had an understanding boyfriend. I felt relieved for a second until Kendall rolled us over so I was sitting on top.

"K-"

"Go at what pace you want." Kendall said cutting me off.

He started pulling off my bra exposing my chest.

"Stop!" I got off of him cover my chest with my arms. "I don't want to go at any pace."

"What?" He looked upset. I thought he would be more understanding with my panic attack last time he was fine.

"I'm not ready to have sex." I said bluntly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kendall yelled. My body shook in fear.

"Please." I wanted to cry. I didn't want Kendall to be upset with me but I also wasn't having sex with him at fifteen years old. I tried to be more like what he wanted me to be but I couldn't.

"All this time I've put into the shitty relationship, all the dates, all the presents, and free rides and you're saying no?" Kendall asked me getting closer to me he was so angry.

"No I-" I felt scared of losing myself in him.

"I've done so much for you and you are going to treat me like this?" He yelled. "We love each other and people in love have sex."

"I'm only fifteen." I had tears in my eyes. "I can't."

"I thought you were mature enough to date someone older but I was wrong." He looked me up and down.

It wasn't about maturity. It was about being too young and not feeling ready. I could be the most emotionally mature person in the world and still not be ready to have sex. It's a personal thing.

"I am!" I stood up for myself.

"Shut up!" Kendall pushed me across the room. I was shocked and pain filled my body. I rolled over onto my stomach to give my back relief. He got closer and kicked me in the back repeatedly.

I was screaming loudly but no one heard me.

He kicked and kicked until I shut up.

Kendall stopped and he left the room.

I just laid there in pain I couldn't move because it hurt. I didn't know what to do and if I should call the cops or not. I wasn't sure I had the strength to call for help. I took a few deep breathes to calm down but it was hurting to breathe heavily. My back felt like knives were being shoved into it. Kendall walked back in a few minutes later. I gulped hoping there wasn't going to be anymore pain. I couldn't be so sure that he wasn't going to just continue.

He looked at me and picked me up.

I flinched a few times.

"I'm sorry." Kendall laid me on the bed and handed me my shirt while I stared at him. His face was softer than before.

"Y-you hurt me." I manged to get out. I covered myself with my shirt. I didn't have the strength to put it on.

"I was frustrated because you got me so worked up just to give me blue balls." He defended his actions.

I didn't know an apology could be that bad. I didn't say anything to him. He put my shirt on for me. I stayed quiet hoping he would just take me home. Instead took me to his house. I didn't really have a choice, he carried me out of Bridget's house. I was in too much pain to move or object. The silence was real, he had put on music in on the ride to his house. I didn't even have my phone it was in his pocket. We got to his room and he laid me down on the bed I winced in pain.

"I really am sorry baby." Kendall said after got us food but I didn't eat anything.

"Do you want to break up?" I asked him. It took a lot talking myself into it to get myself to be so blunt with him.

"What?" He asked. "No of course not. I want you more than I've ever wanted someone." Kendall took my hand I flinched once more. "You're all I have."

"You tell me you want me and then you push me around." I looked down. I was in a lot of pain.

"I know. I'm really sorry." Kendall paused. "I'm getting help, I'll stop." He put on a movie and pulled me into his arms. It was a movie I've been asking him to watch with me for months but he was just trying to get me to forgive him. I was too in pain to do anything so I just sat there and watch the movie.

Kendall fell asleep an hour in and I used all my strength to get out of bed quietly. He was out so I managed to get out and take my phone out of his pocket without waking him up. I was really scared that he would wake up and continue hurting me. I had to leave, I wasn't safe here and my parents wouldn't be pleased to know I didn't come home. I went downstairs slowly. I couldn't get home myself. I thought about who to call and I knew the only person that had a car was the last person I wanted to call. I sucked it up and called Jamie to pick me up. I waited outside for my older brother to come get me. I called him so my parents wouldn't find out. There was a fifty percent chance that Jamie wouldn't tell them and it was the best option. I trust my brother to be there if I need him even if things were bad between us. I waited on the side so I wasn't directly outside of Kendall's house so there was a good chance that if he came out here to find me he wouldn't see me. Jamie pulled up and I got in the car. I knew he was going to ask about why I needed him to pick me up. I was in too much pain to think of any excuses. There wasn't anything visual except maybe my puffy eyes from crying.

"What's up?" He asked a little concerned.

"Just drive." I didn't want to talk I wanted to go home.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on and why you're crying." Jamie reached for my hand and I flinched. I could see he was confused. "Did he try anything with you?"

"N-No." I lied.

"Did you have sex with him Rowan?" He was getting mad. I know Kendall was his least favorite person in the world.

"No! Just take me home Jamie! Please!" I cried. I was so emotionally upset and physically in pain that I was can't hold it in anymore. He gave in and started the car. When we got home I slowly got out of the car. My back ached badly but I tried to play it off the best that I could.

"Row, What's going on?" He noticed I was acting weird.

"Nothing. I just feel bad." I lied again I'm use to it.

"Are you wasted?" My brother asked and the light went off in my head. The perfect cover story.

"Yes." I sighed hoping he would't be too mad at me.

"Kendall got you drunk? You're only fifteen! What were you thinking?!" He yelled and I kind of deserved it since I was never punished for drinking at the last party.

"I'm sorry!" I cried loudly. "Can we go inside and talk about this tomorrow?" I need to rest.

"Okay fine." He sighed and agreed.

We went inside and Jamie helped me up to my room. He thought I was too drunk to stand but that wasn't the case. Jamie touched my back once and I bit my lip so hard I drew blood. He didn't notice which was good. Jamie helped me to bed and took off my shoes. I laid down and smiled gently. I was safe in my own bed. I have the world's best brother. He tucked me in and kissed my head.

"I love you kiddo. You know that right?" I nodded. "I'm glad you called me and didn't just find your way home"

"Thank you Jam Jam." I smiled.

"You can always call me. No matter what I will always be here for you."

My big brother to the rescue.

* * *

 **Auther's Note:**

 **:) reviews please. I want feedback on this one and a lot of it if you would like the next one. I update faster when I get excited by a review. Sabby you're a rockstar! I know this chapter was intense!**


	22. Chapter 22

When I was younger I always imagined what love was like. How it would feel and what would it be like. If I would marry the love of my life, if I would have what my parents have. I can't be the only kid to have that thought in my head. When I was a kid I didn't think I would be in love with someone that would hurt me. I always made fun of the girls in movies that had abusive boyfriends and I get it now. I'm under Kendall's spell and I needed a way out but what if I'm too weak? I feel weak already. I'm not brave. I'm just me. I sighed and walked into the bathroom slowly getting out of bed. My back was throbbing I laid on two ice packs last night. Jamie thought it was for my head but I wasn't hungover. I had to pretend to be or else he would know I've been lying. Good thing I was in pain so I didn't have to fake that. I took my clothes off, and looked in the mirror. I gasped turning around my entire back was purple and blue. I feel sick. He did this to me. The rest of the weekend I laid in bed sulking in my pain. I didn't let my parents know but I told Jamie I think all the partying got to me. I also missed two days of school. I turned my phone off the whole time. I wanted to be unbothered by Kendall and if I checked my phone and saw what he was saying. I would forgive him and that's the last thing I wanted to do. My back was still achy and severely bruised. It's not as bad but the one or two bruises on my arm were gone. It's going to be a while till my back is back to normal. At least I can walk without being in extreme pain. I was going back to school this morning and I was nervous that someone would find out. I have a book bag that goes on my shoulder and I wasn't going to talk to Kendall. No matter what he does.

I got ready and met my Dad at the car. He was happy I was so called feeling better.

"Yay! You're back!" Sabrina jumped to hug me as I walked over to my locker. I screamed. "What?" She was confused.

"Sorry, uh you scared me." I didn't want to lie to her and the was the crummiest lie I've ever heard.

"Are you feeling better? I stopped by and Jamie said you got drunk." She looked around. "Since when do you drink Rowan?"

"Great. My brother needs to keep his mouth shut." I sighed.

"What's going on with you and Kendall?" She asked me. Sabrina was judging my actions.

"I got drunk because I wanted to." I lied again and again. I was surprised I hadn't become a professional yet.

"Is that also why you haven't returned any of my calls? Because you didn't want to or Kendall didn't want you to?" She asked me and it made sense.

"I turned off my phone! Why are you questioning me?" I was getting anxious.

"I miss my friend. The one that was good and honest." Sabrina sighed knowing something was off about me. "This isn't you Rowan." She looked at me and closed her locker walking to class.

I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath.

Why is this happening to me?

"Are you okay?" I heard a familiar voice and turned around.

"Lucas?" Since when is he talking to me.

Lucas' POV

I stood there wondering if Rowan was okay. She looked really sad. It looked like her and Sabrina weren't on the best terms again. I was really worried.

"You look upset." I said. "Are you ditching class?" I asked her and I noticed that it was only us in the hallway.

"I don't know anymore." She whispered.

"Do you want to go talk?" I offered and she didn't want to turn it down.

"Yes." We walked over to the area a lot of kids go to ditch class. It was only first period so no one else was here.

"What's the matter?" I said as we sat down.

"I'm not sure." She sighed. She knew what was the matter but it wasn't something was willing to talk about.

"I think you know but you can't tell me for whatever reason." Wow, I was good from the shocked look on her face.

"Okay. You got me." We half smiled at each other.

"Row, you can tell me." I rubbed her hand.

"It's Kendall." She took a deep breath. "We have a lot going on and I'm not sure if being with him is good for me."

"Why?" I wondered.

"We had a fight about something and it showed me that he wasn't the guy I thought he was." She looked up at me. Someone she once knew so well listening to her complain about another boy. "And I'm so in love with him. I don't know what to do." She cried with no tears falling.

"You have to do what's best for you." I smiled at her trying to comfort her.

It hurt me hearing how much she loved Kendall. t took everything in me not to kiss her or tell her to stay. I had to do the right thing and I know setting her free is the right thing to do. If we were meant to be she will come back to me. If not? Then I need to move on. Missy has made me really happy the past couple of weeks when all I've felt is lonely.

Rowan's POV

I didn't know what was best for me. I didn't know much of anything lately. I felt bad he was being so nice about all of this after how distance we've been. Kendall took so much out of me and from me. I've lost myself.

"How do I know what's best for me?" I wondered looking at him.

"If he isn't good enough then you know what to do but if he is still the guy you fell for somewhere in there then try and make it good again." He said rubbing my shoulder.

"Why are you being so cool about this?" I asked him.

"I love you and I want you to be happy." He admitted.

"Thank you." I hugged him.

Wow, Lucas really grew up. The advice he gave really helped me. I can try and make Kendall good again or I can set him free. I went to class feeling much better about what happened.

I saw Kendall across the room and put my head down. I could feel him looking at me the entire class period. This wasn't his regular class but he was taking some test so he probably was making up work that he missed. Did he really have to do that during my class period? As soon as class ended I got up. I tried to make it out before he got to me but I was sore so it didn't work.

"Rowan" Kendall said softly.

"What do you want?" I gulped in fear.

"To talk?" He said and took my hand. We went into some unattended classroom. "I'm sorry about what happened." He apologized again.

"I don't think you realize what you did to me. You really hurt me." I said tearing up. I took my sweater off and revealed my back.

"I-I" He was speechless.

"It was even worst the day after." I cried thinking about the pain I suffered over the weekend. I should've gone to the hospital.

"I'm I-I don't even have words to describe how sorry I am." Kendall went on saying. "Rowan, I can't believe it. I'm so sorry I did this to you." He started to cry and it shocked me.

"I know." It was the first time I seen him cry like this. It made me start balling.

We cried together. He gently took me into his arms. How can someone make me feel so safe and so scared.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Reviews please and what do you think will happen next? I'm sorry if some people don't like how drawn out this relationship is but I wanted it to be realistic! To the people telling me to update without commenting on the story, it motivates me not to update lol please say more than that. I continue to enjoy the feedback of those who take the time.**


	23. Chapter 23

Josh's POV

I got home from school later than usual. I was going to go to work but I asked Topanga for the day off. It was really nice getting the day off of work. I was tired from school and I needed rest. Thanks to my sister in law being my boss I could do what I wanted. I didn't have homework either. I wanted time to myself knowing that Jamie was out with this new girl he was seeing and Rowan was probably with her boyfriend. Sabrina asked me to talk to Rowan. She wasn't home so I couldn't do so. I was also getting worried about her, mostly because of the relationship with her and Jamie have been so tense. I knew it was hurting the both of them. I ran into my older brother as I was trying to escape to my room.

"Brother!" Cory hugged me.

"What's up man?" I asked my brother who sat down on the couch.

"Let's talk Sabrina." My brother said and I rolled my eyes. I sat down next to him.

"What about her?" I said nervous. "We're not dating."

"Why not?" Cory asked and I was surprised.

"There's no way you and Shawn would approve of me going out with Sabrina. She's fifteen, I like her but it's going to be slow." I said truthfully. I wanted to move forward but with everything she has going on and now having to deal with Shawn being her guardian, I was nervous about making any moves.

"I let Rowan date Kendall and he's seventeen." Cory looked at me. "As long as your respectful. I'm okay with it."

"Yeah but I'm eighteen and that's different." I sighed thinking about how if they knew everything about me they wouldn't let me date her at all.

"I know but you're also my baby brother and Shawn has known you, your whole life. I talked to Shawn. We want you to be happy and we know you would never hurt Sabrina. She needs someone like you around her. Cory patted my back. "You need someone like her."

Sabrina's POV

I sat on the couch doing my homework. I was in a bad mood. It always happened when I was fighting with Rowan. We weren't really fighting but I was pissed off. I just want to know why she wasn't being herself but she won't talk to me. Josh was going to try and figure out what was going on with her. It was nice having such a sweet guy in my life. Shawn walked in and a smile formed on my face.

"Homework?" He asked me.

"Almost done." I said looking back down at my worksheet and solving the last problem.

"Good because I have a surprise for you." Shawn pulls out a new camera. I screamed.

"That's for me?" I asked him as he handed it to me and nodded yes. "Thank you!" I hugged him.

"I thought you could use a new hobby." Shawn smiled sweetly. "You'll capture lots of things you're gonna remember in the next few years."

"I love it." I smiled before taking the camera and taking a photo of Shawn. This was something I wanted to remember.

"Josh is outside by the way." Shawn added and I smiled big thanking him once more before I headed outside.

Josh stood there with his back to me. "Hey!" I said smiling.

"Hey beautiful!" He said placing a kiss on my cheek.

"What are you doing here?" I wondered thinking he had work.

"I had the day off and I wanted to take out for real." He said looking at me.

"Really?" I asked him excited.

"This we have going is nice but I'm ready to take things to the next step." Josh looked me in the eyes and I took a deep breath. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." I breathed out and he smiled gently.

"Then let's go." Josh and I lock our hands and began walking.

We went to get something to eat and Josh sat beside me. His eyes were so dreamy. I was falling so hard and so fast. Well, it wasn't that fast. I knew it was Josh that I was over the moon about. He made everyday exciting. Since my mom left I've been in a funk that only he can break through.

"What do you want to do next?" Josh asked me.

"Movies?" I suggested he smiled.

"Sounds great." We went to the movie theater down the road.

We decided to see some romantic movie. I walk away while he got the tickets. It was seventeen and up. I was embarrassed but Josh didn't even say anything. He was finally not bringing up the age difference and that made me want him even more. We got to our seats and watched the movies. Josh kept his arm around me for a half hour. It was sweet. It was romantic. I felt really good.

Lucas' POV

I stood there with my date were in line to see the newest drama movies. She was excited about some movie I couldn't even name if I tried to think of it. My mind filled with thoughts about Rowan and Kendall. I wondered if she made up with him or needed a friend. I wish I could have done more. I wanted to be with her. We were next in line and I paid for the both of us and we went into the theater. I sat there during the movie bored out. If I was here with Rowan we would have gone to see the newest Disney movie. We had a tradition. She would have never dragged me to something this boring.

"Did you like the movie?" Missy asks me as we stand outside of the theater waiting for our rides.

"Yeah." I smiled. I didn't want to her her feelings.

"That's my dad." Missy said as the car beeped in front of her. She kissed me and the frolicked off to the car.

I waited for my mom to pick me up. She texted me and said she was running late so I waited inside. A few minutes later I saw Sabrina walking out of the movie theater holding hands with Josh.

"Lucas?" She said once she saw me.

"Hey!" I smiled and hugged her and then Josh. "We keep meeting like this." We laughed.

"Have you talked to Rowan?" Sabrina asked me knowing we haven't spoken since the party.

"Yes, today. Why?" I asked her.

"She got drunk at the party. That's why she's been out all week." Sabrina looked at Josh. Rowan, drinking? That wasn't like her at all.

"Row has been acting a little weird." Josh said not knowing much even though he lives with her. "I'm going to talk to her. I just hope she opens up."

"That's not like her to drink maybe it was her fight with Kendall." I suggested thinking they knew.

"What fight?" Josh and Sabrina said at the same time. They looked at each other and back at me.

"Rowan said that she didn't know if she and Kendall were meant to be, if he was good for her but she loved him." I said trying to remember everything that was said. I didn't want to bring it all up. I wanted to respect her privacy and make her realize she could come to me but they also deserved to know.

"What did you tell her?" Sabrina asked me concerned. "Did you fight for her?"

"What?" Josh said confused.

"I told her she has to do what's best for her and it's love they can work it out if not then she can move on." I wonder if she even still was with Kendall for all I know my speech could have mind her change her mind. I noticed Sabrina got upset.

"Why didn't you fight for her?" Sabrina asked.

"It's not that easy if she doesn't want me. I can't keep getting rejected. It hurts." I sighed. It hurt a lot.

"If her and Kendall are a problem then that needs to end." Sabrina paused. "He's getting her to drink. That's proof he's no good."

"You can't make that choice for her Sabrina!" I said. "She needs to realize on her own or she will cut you out of your life like she did to me."

"He's right." Josh said and we both looked at him. "She cut out Jamie for the same reason. We need to be smart about it."

Sabrina's POV

Josh walked me home. We were hand in hand the whole way. I thought about everything we talked about, with Rowan. Lucas and Josh were right, there was nothing I could do but let her make her own mistakes. I shook away thoughts about my best friend's life. I wanted to be in the moment with Josh anything else can wait. We arrived in front of my place and the lights were off. I hadn't realized out late it had got.

"Wow I should get to bed." I said looking in Josh's sparkling eyes towering over me.

"Yeah, you should go inside." He said staring into my eyes.

"Yeah I should." I said was we stood there frozen.

Josh places his hand on my cheek. My eyes were glued to him. We both leaned in and he placed his lips onto mine. Magic.

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 **Author's Note:**

 **Thanks for the reviews and motivation! More reviews faster chapters.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:** **I will post another chapter tonight if I get to 100 reviews on this story. There's a lot coming! Please don't review asking for more I want to know what you think will happen or what you like! Thank you!**

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Rowan's POV

There wasn't a time in this whole mess that I fell out of love with Kendall. I knew Lucas was right. This is the guy that I fell in love with. He opened his heart to me. I love him. We spent the next few days being completely happy and in love. It was nice having the Kendall I know back. I spoke to Sabrina since the small fight. It was brief but good. Things are okay with her. Sabrina stopped bringing up Kendall or me getting drunk. I hadn't spoken to anyone else really except my parents. I spent most of the weekend with Kendall. Outside where we weren't anywhere near a bed. I didn't want to be in that position again. I've been writing lately and it's made things a lot easier with how moody Kendall is and how judgmental my friends have been. It's nice to have an escape.

"Guess what?" I said smiling, walking into my living room with Kendall behind me. It was just us home.

"What?" Kendall smiles and sits down with me.

"Lately I've been writing music." I looked at Kendall who seemed surprised. I was too.

"Since when do you write music?" Kendall asked me. I use to write a long time about but I never had anything to right about till now. Josh taught me how to play the guitar when I was ten years old.

"I've always loved music but I never felt inspired to write music until I met you." I smiled and saw his face light up.

"Play for me." Kendall said and I grabbed the guitar in the closet.

 _"The way you move is like a full on rainstorm and I'm a house of cards you're the kind of reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know that I won't get far and you stood there in front of me just close enough to touch close enough to hope you couldn't see what I was thinking of. Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk take away the pain cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile. Get me with those green eyes, baby as the lights go down gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around cause I see, sparks fly, when you smile"_ I opened my eyes and saw Kendall smiling and I could tell he was honored. I closed my eyes and kept singing. _"My mind forgets to remind me, your a bad idea-"_

I felt the guitar being snatched out of my hand. I looked up and Kendall was angry. I was scared. "I'm a bad idea?!" He yells.

I flinched when he got closer. I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry. It was stupid, I'm done with music." I lied waiting for his reaction.

"I'm sorry." Kendall said hugging me.

I was confused. "You're not mad?" I asked him as he pulled away.

"I was but then I saw you flinched, I felt bad. I'm sorry I made you afraid of me." Kendall sighs as he sits down looking at his feet.

"It's okay baby." I sat next to him and hugged him tightly. "I forgive you. I love you." I kissed his lips.

Kendall took my face into his hands. "You're amazing, you know that?" He whispered and kissed me.

I was really shocked he apologized for getting upset. It made me feel good, knowing that he's changing. I knew I was right to go back to him. It was taking time for him to heal and we will get through this together. Kendall left after a little while and I went to get ready. We had plans for the night. Kendall took me to a fast food restaurant. He told me we were going somewhere romantic. I dressed up for nothing. I was disappointed but I got over it. It was a little embarrassing wearing a dress here, but I was a little weird anyway. I noticed Lucas as soon as we got inside. I sat down at a table near by and Lucas walked over.

"Hey Row." Lucas said sitting down at the table. Kendall was ordering us dinner and I sat at the table waiting for him. I knew it wouldn't be an issue since Kendall always ordered my food for me.

"Hey!" I smiled.

"So you decided Kendall was good enough?" He asked me after seeing me walk in with Kendall.

"Yeah thanks to you." I was smiling. "It was hard but in the end he makes me happy."

"Then I'm happy for you." We both smiled, his faded quickly.

"Thank you for your help. You really made a difference." I said looking around seeing if his girlfriend was here. She wasn't. I wanted to ask him about her but I knew I shouldn't.

"I'm glad." He hugged me.

Lucas looked uncomfortable and I wanted to just sit there and talk to him. I knew I couldn't because of Kendall. I missed him so much. I wanted to ask him about Missy but I knew I shouldn't. Lucas and I talked for a few more minutes. We started talking about Sabrina and Josh somehow.

"You ran into them?" I asked Lucas. The line was long so Kendall wasn't even anywhere to be found.

"Yeah it was nice. I'm surprised to here about them dating." Lucas mentioned.

My eyes shot up. "Wait what? They're not dating." I knew they were flirting but Sabrina hasn't said anything since. I was happy for them, I just wished they had told me.

"They were holding hands and coming out of a romantic move." Lucas laughed.

"Wow." I said surprised but not at the same time. Lucas was about to ask me something and Kendall walked over.

"What's going on?" He glared at us. I feared the look on his face.

"N-nothing Lucas was leaving." I looked at Lucas apologetically.

"It was good seeing you." Lucas got up confusingly.

"Bye." I smiled with fear.

"What was that?!" Kendall said as Lucas left. Here goes Kendall's jealous side again. I didn't want to do this again.

"He helped me-"

"We will talk in the car." He grabbed the food.

We walked outside behind the restaurant where the car was.

"Kendall!" I yelled. "Lucas helped me decide that being together was the best decision." I tried to reason with him and he was not having it.

"You hugged him! While I was buying you dinner!" He yelled and threw the food at the wall.

I flinched. "It was innocent!" I was terrified.

"Yeah right!" He grabbed me by my shoulders and rammed me into the wall. My back was a lot better but it was still sore so this just made it worse.

"OW!" I screamed in pain.

"Shut up!" He slapped me. My skin was burning. "You've been fucking the kid this whole time haven't you?" Kendall release the hold on me.

"No! He's just a friend." I screamed. He pushed me into the ground.

"You are just a damn slut!" Kendall kicked me in the back hard a few times. I rolled over and he kicked my side and I passed out.

I woke up and no one was around. I tried to sit up but the pain was too much. Kendall beat me and left me here. I couldn't believe he could do something so bad. Someone could have found me and done something worst. I tried to sit up again but my body wouldn't let me.I reached for my phone and saw a text from my dad. "Where are you?" It read. I texted back that I was going to be home soon. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get there. I laid for a while trying to regain myself. There wasn't anyone around. I finally sat up and I was still out of it. The pain of getting up took a lot of energy. I slowly stood up and cried in pain. My knees were bleeding and it was dark out. I wasn't that far from my house but walking scared me. I started walking along the road. I thought about Kendall. What could I do? He's going to keep getting like this. I know he's trying to change. I love him so much and I wanted the boy I fell in love with back. Kendall use to be so sweet and caring and now all he is, is a monster. I thought about it being my fault or his dad's. I shouldn't talk to other boys if it upsets him so much. I didn't want to break up with him, it's not his fault his dad beats him and he can't help it. I shouldn't punish him for treating me the only way he knows how. I kept walking, my mind was full and I was in too much pain to cry.

My phone rang. "Hello?" I said.

"Where are you?" My brother asks.

"I'm on my way home." I said breathing heavily.

"Who are you with?" Jamie questioned me. I didn't want him to know things were messed up again.

"Kendall." I lied.

"Oh really because I see a 5'4 brunette walking along the road at 11 pm?" He said and I gulped turning around to see his car.

"I can explain-" His car pulled up next to me.

"Get in." I open the the door and sat down. "Why are you lying to me?" He was so worried.

"I'm sorry." I sighed. I didn't know what to do.

"When I took you home the other night I told you I would always pick you up no questions asked." Jamie said softly. He had calmed down I knew he was scared.

"I know but I knew you had a date and I didn't want to ruin it." I looked down at my knees and put my bag on top of them so he didn't notice the bleeding.

"Row, I would never put your safety over some date. Just please stop doing things that are so stupid and dangerous." He rubbed my hand. "What happened? Where's your boyfriend?"

"We had a bad fight." I decided not to lie about it.

"Sorry sis." Jamie pulled me in for a hug and I yelped. "What?" He said concerned.

"I fell in gym so my back is really sore." I hoped he would buy it.

"You should lay down on a heating pad when we get home." I nodded and we drove. "What did you guys fight about?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I said feeling numb.

"I'm your big brother you can tell me." Jamie looked over at me.

"He just treats me bad. It's nothing serious but I don't know if I should stay with him." I looked out the window.

"Treats you bad in what way? Should I have a talk with him?" Jamie asked with worried and anger towards Kendall.

"No! I said it wasn't serious." I exclaimed

"If you have doubts about being with him then you need to take a break and figure things out for a week or two." Jamie said trying to help me.

"I just want it to be fun again."


	25. Chapter 25

_I laid in bed with Kendall on top of me. I was crying and screaming but no one heard me. He wouldn't stop. His hands were all over me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Kendall got up and looked at me._

" _Where are you going?" I asked him frantically._

" _You aren't enough for me anymore." He stared and walked out._

" _No! Come back Kendall! Please?" I yelled through my tears. Why was I so upset? I sat on the bed scared and alone._

I woke up in a sweat. Why do I keep having these dreams? It was really scaring me because I didn't know what it meant at this point. I felt the pain in my back from last night. I got up and went into the shower. I let the water hit my bruised skin. The pain was almost unbearable. It's scary how much pain Kendall put me through and that I miss him. How can I miss someone that hurt me this way? I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror. My lower half looks like I was in a car accident or jumped. I wasn't sure how to hide this. If I go to school I would risk getting caught. I stumble on the word "caught" like I did something bad. I got dressed and even that was painful. I put on my black leggings and a cheetah print top with a cardigan. I decided I would skip school and go somewhere. That way I don't get caught by my parents and no one from school. I also wanted to avoid Jamie. My parents wouldn't let me stay home again since I missed so much school this year from Kendall. I debated on if I should call Kendall or not. I think it probably would be a good idea for a break from him.

My phone rang and I answered it. "Hello?" I asked knowing it was Sabrina.

"Hey Row, You never texted me back." My best friend's voice fills my room.

"Sorry. I got home late and crashed so I had to take a shower this morning."

"Do you want me to come over? Is Kendall picking you up?" Sabrina asked me.

"Actually, Kendall and I are ditching for the day." I lied because there was no way she would believe me if I said it was just me.

"What? You wouldn't." She laughed.

"I have before." I referred to the time we stopped being friends and the era we don't speak of.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." She said softly

"I'll call you tomorrow." I said and we hang up.

Now I would actually have to call Kendall so he didn't show up at school. I guess I was seeing him today, I grabbed my bag and I walked to the front door. I almost made it before I was stopped by my parents.

"Where are you going?" My mom asks.

"School!" I lied trying to leave.

"I'll drive you just wait." My dad offered.

"Guys I have a ride." I was annoyed so I kept it short. He didn't notice.

"Who?" She asks me.

"Kendall, We are going to meet at the donut shop down the street and then he was going to take us to school." I was a good liar.

"Okay. Have fun honey." My dad walks over and kisses my head then my mom hugged me. I felt really guilty in that moment.

I walked out of the apartment and the door opened after I closed it. "Where are you going?" I heard from behind me.

"To meet up with Kendall." I said turning around to meet my brother's concerned look.

"After what happened last night?" Jamie said crossing his arms. Josh walked out to us and I sighed knowing it was not a good sign.

"Yes it was a fight not a breakup." I said looking at my uncle.

"You said you were going to take a break! You haven't even thought about it. You're just running back to him after something bad clearly happened but you won't tell me." Jamie shouted and Josh looked at the both of us.

"Jamie, I can look out for myself." I just want him to drop it I looked over at Josh for some help.

"I don't think you can." Josh admitted trying to back up Jamie.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled walking out.

Josh's POV

I watched my niece leave the house and saw the hurt look on Jamie's face. He was really beating himself up over all of this. Rowan was going through a lot with Kendall. I didn't know what was going on exactly but I knew pieces and she had the whole family worried. I wish I could do more. I felt bad I didn't help much but I knew she wasn't going to listen. I wanted Jamie to know I had his back.

"I'm sorry Jame." I said rubbing Jamie's shoulder.

"I don't know how she can be this stupid." He said out of worry. He knew she was smarter than this.

"You have to give her time and space to make her own decisions. She wants to be with him then she will fight us to the earth to be with him." I ease his pain.

"I know that you're probably right for some reason I can't understand but she's my little sister and I can't watch her make a mistake. It's my job to watch out for her." Jamie said looking at me. I understood what he was feeling. "I won't let her down."

Jamie left for school and I went to meet up with Sabrina.

"Hey hot stuff." I heard from behind me.

"Hey!" I smiled looking at the gorgeous blonde standing next to me. I kissed her lips.

"I will never get use to that." She giggled after we pulled away.

Rowan's POV

I got outside after dealing with my brother and uncle. I didn't want to hurt my brother like that but he was going to ruin it all if he didn't let me go. He just needed to mind his own business. I dialed Kendall's number looking for him. I didn't know if I was ready to see him but I was feeling really weak I needed to relax and rest. Instead of being at school.

"Hello?" An unfamiliar voice answered and it made my stomach churn.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"Kendall's Mom." I breathed in relief.

"Can I talk to him?" I asked her.

"Sure." She hands the phone to Kendall.

"Yes?" Kendall answers.

"It's me." I gulped hoping his mood changed.

"Hi." He says shamefully.

"Can we meet up?" I asked him quietly.

"Of course." He smiled.

Kendall picked me up twenty minutes later and I took a deep breath before getting into the car. I looked at him for a second before loosing it and he watched me break down.

"How could you just leave me there like that?" I cried looking for his motive.

"I don't know." Kendall breathed trying to hold back tears. "I-I got scared. I saw you laying there I thought I killed you." He took a deep breath.

"You just walked away."

"I know." He looked down at my knees.

"I can't keep doing this Kendall." I said fearing my life. "The next time it happens. Don't call me." I was bold and I was serious this time.

"It won't." He took my hand into his. "All I want is you."

I felt safer knowing that if he touched me again things would be over. I hope it doesn't happen again, maybe it will motivate him not to. We went to his house after his Mom left. I would have rather her stay. I felt safer knowing she was around. I sat on his bed and fell asleep.

"Rowan?" Kendall said shaking me.

I fliched. "Yeah?" I snapped out of it and woke up. "What time is it?"

"11 am." He said. "You were sleeping for two hours."

We sat up and he got me something to eat. I was starving. I didn't eat much lately, I was usually in pain or he was making me diet. I ate a small snack and then we put on a movie to watch and we cuddled. It was nice laying in his arms. It was nice not fighting. He leaned over and kissed me. I blushed.

"What was that for?" I asked my boyfriend.

"It's for being so in love with you." He teared up. "Your heart is so full and I love the way you have it in you heart to accept me and us." Kendall was so sweet, his heart was so open when it came to me. He always knew the right thing to say.

"I love you so much." I laughed and kissed him.

He held my face and I ran my fingers through his hair. He kissed me and I deepened it.

Kendall sucked my neck rubbing his hand on my breast. I moaned and he took off his shirt. I ran my hands against his abs. He looked so sexy. We smiled and he unbuttoned my top. I sat up and gently removed my bra so it wouldn't hurt my back too much. I laid back and he kissed my breast and placed kisses down my body. It felt really good. Kendall undid his belt and took off his pants and I got nervous. He came back to me and started kissing me but rougher. As if he was hungry and I was the food. I started getting flashing images of my previous dreams and I panicked.

"Stop." I whispered. On top of the mental images in my head I felt sick to my stomach.

"What? No!" He yelled. This was the third time this happened. I was scared that he wouldn't be as forgiving the third time around.

"Please!" I cried.

I started feeling sicker. I rolled over and got sick all over the bed. He got up and rubbed my back. It yelped as I was still in pain.

"Sorry!" He said apologizing when he realized he touched my bruised back.

I wiped my mouth and sighed before getting sick again.


	26. Chapter 26

Sabrina's POV

I worried about Rowan all day. She hadn't answered any of my texts after the phone call this morning. I didn't know what to do, she's not one to ditch school usually. I debated on involving Shawn and her parents but they liked Kendall. I knew if her parents knew she was ditching school with him they would change their minds about the whole thing. Rowan would be so mad at me but it was the only thing we could do. I knew I had to speak to Jamie and Josh about this before I made any moves. I texted them to meet me and walked into my English class. After class I went to find Josh and found him with Jamie.

A wave of relief came over me. "Hey guys." I said as Josh went for my hand. He was cute.

"Sab." Jamie nodded as we bumped fists. He looked really torn up about all of this.

"What are we talking about? Rowan?" I asked them.

"Yeah." Josh says. "She skipped school."

Jamie sighed. "I'm worried. She was really upset and now she's with him."

"I have an idea." I said as they both looked at me. "Let's go to Cory and Topanga and tell them she is skipping school."

"That's not a good idea Sabrina." Josh said softly.

"Why not?" Jamie asked. "It's seems like a great idea."

"If you go to her parents she's going to find some other way to be with him. She's not going to take no for an answer." Once again Josh was right. I thought about the first party we went to with Kendall. She wasn't allowed to go but we went anyway. Rowan was a good girl but when it came to Kendall she was anything but that lately.

"I don't know what else to do but talk to Kendall." Jamie said running his fingers through his hair.

My eyes widened. "Are you crazy?" I asked him.

"I don't know if that will fix things dude. He's got the type that you're gonna scare away." Josh tried to get him to listen.

"He's right Jamie." I sighed. "If you go over there it's going to be the same outcome as going to your parents."

"Then there's nothing else on the table!" Jamie was upset.

"We will figure it out." I said softly looking at them. "I promise."

The bell rang and Josh walked me to class. I hoped that Jamie wouldn't do anything to drive Rowan away. That was the last thing we needed. Josh was going to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't go over there or anything. I kept texting her all day but no reply. I would have been more freaked out if I didn't see she was active on Facebook. She posted a link to a cute cat video. I laughed because it was such a Rowan thing to do. I missed her bright smile everyday. Somehow it's faded each day without any of us noticing. I don't forgive myself for not noticing.

Rowan's POV

I couldn't believe Kendall wasn't mad at me for getting sick in his bed. I just wanted to go home right now. I was too sick to be here. We sat on the bed as I drank some water and he was rubbing my thigh to comfort me. I wasn't really comforted but he was just trying to be nice.

"Can you just take me home?" I asked him.

"School isn't over." Kendall said looking at me.

"I know but my parent's wouldn't be home so it'll be okay." I wanted to be in my own bed.

"Listen I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Kendall apologizes.

"Please! Just take me home!" I was annoyed and wanted to go home.

Kendall raised his eyebrow. "Why are you acting so bitchy? Is it your period?" He asked calmly.

"No." I said before I thought about it. "Well maybe I'm late but it's probably my period I'm sorry." I apologized I didn't want to fight especially when he was letting me off the hook.

"How late are you?" Kendall looked at me funny.

"Uh like a few weeks." I tried to remember. My period was never regular.

"When was your last one?" He asked me.

I arched my eyebrows I was pretty uncomfortable discussing this. "Why do you care?" I questioned him.

"Just answer the question Rowan!" He yelled which made me flinch.

I thought for a second. "Actually it's been more than that September." It's the longest I've ever gone so I must be getting it any day now.

He put his hands over his face and took a deep breath. "I can't believe this." He said to himself and stood up.

I looked at him in confusion. "What?" Kendall walked out of the room and I heard his car start a minute later.

Lucas' POV

I asked for a bathroom pass from my teacher. I just wanted an excuse to leave. Sabrina told me Rowan wasn't in school and they were all worried. After the way he talked to her yesterday I was not letting this go. I went and found Jamie's classroom and I knocked on the door. I told the teacher that Mr. Matthews needed his son. It worked like a charm.

"What's going on?" Jamie asks me as we step outside.

"Sabrina told me everything going on. I saw something weird yesterday between Kendall and Rowan." I explained and he tensed up.

"What did you see?" He asked very concerned.

"She was fighting with Kendall." I said quietly as another student was walking by.

Jamie turned his head back to me. "Yeah we know that. She told told me when I found her walking home after they had the fight."

"No." I shook my head. "This wasn't a normal fight. She was scared Jamie, I could see it in her eyes."

"Scared of what? Loosing him?" He asked me raising his eyebrow.

"She was scared of him." I explained.

Jamie was mixed with worry and anger. "Do you know this for sure?" I knew he wanted to be sure.

"Do you remember that party Bridget had?" I asked him.

"The one in September?" Jamie asked me and I nodded.

"Rowan went even though she wasn't allowed to. Then at school she was acting weird and when he approached her she looked terrified of him." I looked down and sighed. "She had chills all over her body when he went up to her. I hadn't see her look that scared until yesterday." It wasn't even as close to how she looked in class that day but it was close enough to concern me.

He took a deep breath. "If she's afraid of him then why is she still with him?" Jamie wondered.

"She's being manipulated. He tell her he loves her and then she lets him treat her badly." I felt horrible for distancing myself from Rowan and letting all of this happen. I saw the signs and I shouldn't have waited this long to do something about it.

His eyes widened. "When I hugged her she screamed in pain. She said she fell in gym class."

My stomach dropped understanding what Jamie was suggesting. "Rowan doesn't have gym this semester." We both looked at each other.

Jamie's jaw clenched. "I'm going to fucking kill him." He was angry.

Rowan's POV

I didn't understand what the big deal was. I waited for Kendall to get back, I tried calling him but he didn't answer. I was finally starting to feel better. Kendall returned 20 minutes later with a CVS bag.

"What was all that?" I asked him.

"Listen I think you should take this." He hands me a pregnancy test.

"What?" I was so confused. "I'm a virgin. I've told you countless times that I haven't been cheating on you! Why don't you believe me?"

"Uh I'm sorry. Just please take it and then I'll never question you again." He promised.

I grabbed the test rolling my eyes. "Fine!" I go to the bathroom and close the door.

This is ridiculous that he's making me take this pregnancy test. I don't know why he gets so jealous. He's the only guy I've even made out with so he should relax. I pull my pants down and sit. I pulled the test under and I peed. I waited a few minutes then it was time I looked at the test. It had two lines, I looked at the box and it said two lines indicate pregnancy. My stomach dropped.

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 **Author's Note:**

Shoutout to HideAndSeekCat for some super early predictions. Shoutout to Guest G and Sabby as well. You guys are good reviewers, thanks for always keeping up with the story and the kind words. Next chapter's pretty big as you can guess so please review, predict, what do you want to happen?


	27. Chapter 27

Rowan's POV

I didn't know what to do. I stood there staring that the positive pregnancy test. My thoughts were flooded and fear ran through my bruised body. Kendall lied to me. I gulped and put my hand over my stomach. I really was raped after all. I started balling, I'm so angry that I trusted him. I can't breath. Those dreams were warning me and I didn't listen. How did I not see this coming? I felt so stupid for not listening to my gut and being in denial about everything. I didn't want to be this girl and I pretended I wasn't. I didn't know what I was feeling exactly. I didn't know what I was going to do but I had to get out of here now. I looked at the box noticing that he got a two in one pack. I couldn't tell Kendall that I was pregnant. I might not make it out alive. I had to do something. I turned on the water and ran the unused pregnancy test under it. I turned off the water and placed the test on the sink. I grabbed the positive test and put it in my bag. I opened the door slowly and I didn't see him so I bolted out of the house. I was so terrified my heart was beating so loudly as I ran.

Jamie's POV

I was so angry I couldn't see straight. All I knew was I was going to find my little sister and kill his guy. I felt guilty for not stopping this relationship. I knew I didn't like him and I knew something was wrong but I wanted Rowan to trust me. That's the only reason I let it go on. I couldn't understand why her best friends didn't do anything about it. I knew now Lucas had an idea about it being weird. I didn't know she was afraid of him but I should've picked up on something last night when she was in pain physically and emotionally. I'm such an asshole for not being more supportive, she would've came to me if I let her in. I felt like I let her down as a brother. I'm not going to let her down again.

"We have to do something." Lucas suggested pulling me out of my own head.

"I agree." I raced to my car with Lucas following behind.

We were out of breath. "What are you doing?" He asked me as we got in.

"I'm going over there." I speeding off.

Lucas buckled up but I didn't bother. "Is this the best of ideas?" He asked me.

I glanced over at him, pissed off. "He hurt her Lucas. It's the only thing I can do."

"There has to be another way. She'll never forgive you for this." Lucas said the truth, I knew that was a possibility but I didn't care anymore.

"Tell Josh and Sabrina what's going on. Leave out the details we aren't sure of but unless she shows up at home, we're doing this." I said in anger.

Lucas texted Sabrina to let him know if she contacts her. "Jamie, we should tell your parents." He looked at me for an answer.

"No." I said firmly. "This is my fight."

Josh's POV

I met Sabrina outside of school, we went to my house to wait for news about Rowan. We kept trying to call her but she wouldn't answer. I was waiting on the go to talk to Cory and Topanga but we don't want to push Rowan. Lucas didn't tell us much except to wait for them to bring her home. Sabrina was so worried and I was too but I know Jamie and Lucas have her back. My job was to worry about her best friend. I know Rowan would want me to and I wanted to be there for the both of them in the best way I can.

"What is taking them so long!" Sabrina sighed, jumping onto Rowan's bed.

I laid next to her. "Don't worry, she's in good hands." I held Sabrina's hand.

She looked at me. "I hope she's okay." She looked down.

I lifted her chin. "Hey, don't be scared." I said softly while looking into her eyes. "We'll all get through everything together."

"What if she pushes us away?" Sabrina asked not breaking the stare.

"We're family, all of us. We are strong and nothing will break us apart." I said confidently with a smile.

She smiled softly and placed a kiss on my lips. She pulled away and cuddled into my arm.

Lucas' POV

We pulled up to Kendall's house. I clenched my fists. The whole ride I tried to calm Jamie down but now being in front of his house I felt myself feel the same way he did. I wanted to kill this asshole. I don't know if he's physically hurting her or not but I do know he's mentally torturing her and that's enough for me. I'm so angry with him and with Rowan for thinking so low of herself to be with a guy like this especially when I think the world of her.

"Ready?" Jamie looked at me making sure we were set to go inside.

"So ready." I said getting out of the car. I knew the second we walked inside it could get real dangerous very quickly.

We went up to the door and casually knocked. We were both hoping Rowan answered so we could pull her out of the house but she didn't. Instead an older woman did.

"How may I help you?" She asked us.

Jamie and I looked at each other. "Have you seen my sister Rowan?" He asked her.

"You're Rowan's brother?" She asked and he nodded. "Nice to meet you! I'm Kendall's mom." Mrs. Hess smiled and extended her hand out to the both of us and we shook her hand.

"Mrs. Hess, Is she here?" I asked her hoping that she was inside and safe.

"No, she was but she left when I pulled up." Mrs. Hess said looking at her watch. "It was around an hour ago."

Jamie sighed. "Is Kendall here?"

"He's in the shower. Do you want to wait for him?" She asked us.

"Ye-" I kicked Jamie's leg.

"No. We have to be going." I said shaking her hand again.

She shook Jamie's hand. "Nice to meet you." He said before we walked back to the car.

"What'd you do that?" Jamie yelled as we closed the doors.

"Rowan is out there somewhere!" I yelled back. "We don't need to be fighting him in front of his own mother."

Jamie started the car. "I'm sorry, you're right. We have to find her." He said before pulling out and we began looking for her.

I felt safer knowing Rowan wasn't with Kendall right now. I wanted to be there for her and help her through all this. I hoped everything to be a misunderstanding for everyone's sake but mostly for Rowan.

Rowan's POV

I walked till my feet were throbbing. I sat down and relaxed. I went to this place I discovered with my friends when we were kids. It was underneath a bridge and it was like a little private beach. It was so shaded from the bridge it looked like it was nearly night and that was my favorite time to go to the beach. I walked closer to the water. I sat down and stuck my feet into the water and laid back on the sand. My mind wasn't even focusing on the part where I was having a baby but that I was raped. I should have know better. There was a reason why I felt dirty and why I had nightmares. They weren't nightmares, it was flashbacks. What am I going to do? Tell people I was raped? Why would they believe me? They wouldn't because he made me his girlfriend. Kendall knew what he was doing. I felt so used. I can't help but think what Kendall is going to do when he finds out the truth. I kept trying to think of what to do. I can't lie about this, I can't cover this up with make up or clothes. I'm going to have to face him sooner or later and what do I say? That I know he raped me? It won't scare him he gained all the power over me. I don't feel the same way I did about him yesterday. It's all changed and the hold he had on me is broken. Just like me.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Thank you for all the reviews! It means a lot! I'm so happy everyone is liking the story!**


	28. Chapter 28

Rowan's POV

I cried so hard I couldn't breath. The beach was keeping me from fully falling apart. It was about 4:30 and I had a dozen missed calls on my phone. Some from Kendall, my parents, my brother and Sabrina. I unlocked my phone and I blocked Kendall's number. It was hard to do with all the incoming messages from him. I didn't really care at this point. My body still aches and I was pregnant. Other people are the last thing on my mind. I didn't want to risk things with the baby so I took the bus to the ER so I could get looked at. It's different when he hurts me and I'm pain but I'm carrying a child. I knew how badly my body was beaten up right now, it could't be very safe. I waited for a little while and I sat there I texted my family and told them I was on a field trip to the zoo. My dad knows I tell him the truth so he knows he doesn't have to look into things. I knew one of my teachers had a field trip planned for this week so he had to know. I texted Sabrina and told her to tell my dad the same story. She asked why and tried calling but I didn't tell her the truth. The more I lied the worst I felt but there wasn't anything else to do in this crappy situation Kendall put me in.

The nurse called me back and sat down while she took my blood pressure. "What brought you in today?" She asked me.

"I'm pregnant, I took a pregnancy test today and found out. I got into an accident recently and I didn't feel the need to get checked out." I lied.

She nodded her head and she took blood then laid me back for an ultra sound. It was all faster than I expected it to be. She gave me a number of a close by OBGYN, I hardly even knew what that was. I walked outside when I was finished. I was fine physically. It was surprising but I guess where I was beaten it didn't effect anything. It was night already. I called an uber, I had no money but I needed to get out of here. No energy to walk. I had my parent's credit card number for emergencies. Being pregnant by rape has to qualify. I got into the uber and I sighed. My life is going downhill. It's all because of Kendall.

I got home and I walked inside. "I'm home." I see my family waiting.

"Where were you?" My dad asked me standing up.

"Sorry. The trip ran late." I said keeping up with the lie.

"This late? Maybe I should call your teacher down tomorrow." My dad suggest.

"No dad. We went for pizza after." I convinced him.

"Honey, Are you okay? You've been keeping to yourself a lot lately." My mom asked as she walked into the room, feeling my head.

"I'm fine. Just getting a lot of school work." I lied crossing my arms.

"Are you sure?" My dad says.

I nodded and headed to my room.

"I know there wasn't a school trip." Jamie says looking at me from outside his room.

I swallowed. "You're gonna tel-"

"Relax. I'm not telling anyone." He looked me up and down.

"Thanks." I felt relieved.

Jamie's face filled with concern. "Is he still treating you badly?" He asked.

"What? No, I wasn't even with him today." I lied to his face.

"I know you were at his house. I stopped by." Jamie said and my eye widen.

"I stopped by to drop something off." I tried to talk my way out of this.

He shook his head. "I don't believe you. I think he's hurting you." Jamie looked at my arms.

"I'm fine. We just fight a lot. It's not like that." I looked at him with a cold stare.

"You need to grow up and stop running back to him every time he dumps you." He said sighing.

"You don't know a single fucking thing about my relationship so back off." I said angrily before slamming my door. I walked into my room and started the shower.

I took off my shirt and my pants and walked in front of my mirror I stared at my battered body. I looked at my stomach and there it was a small bump. It was small enough to look like it was just bloating but I knew it wasn't. I put my hands on it and a few tears fell from my face.

Sabrina's POV

Josh and I went over to my house when we got the new Rowan was okay. I wanted to wait for her and grill her but Josh and Jamie thought it would be best not to all confront her at once. I agree knowing her she wouldn't take that as us showing care and concern she would think we were all ganging up on her. I was sad but Josh made me feel better. We had dinner with Shawn and it was nice to bond with my two favorite guys.

"How's school?" Shawn asked us as he was cutting his veggies.

"It's going great. Lately I've been getting better grades." I smiled and started eating my dinner.

Shawn smiled. "I'm glad, I think Josh has been such a good influence to you."

"I don't think I'm the one to credit for all the change in her. I think you have to do with most of it." Josh admitted looking at us.

"I think both of you guys have been pretty supportive of me." I credited both of them. "But Shawn you did a lot for me and I'm really thankful to have you. It's so nice coming home and not having to worry about someone. I can actually have a life now." I smiled.

"It's an honor to be that person for you." Shawn said proudly.

"Thank you for giving me the normal I've craved my whole life for." I hugged him tightly.

"No problem. I'd do anything for you kid." He rubbed my back.

Josh smiled. "Ditto." We turned around and laughed.

It's been really nice coming home to dinner or having my lunches made. It's nice going to sleep and knowing someone is home with me or waking up and smelling bacon. What Shawn has done for me is given me means the world. It's so good being this happy.

Rowan's POV

I woke up the next morning crying and shaking. I had another bad dream it was all the same stuff. I wonder if it's going to be like this forever. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I feel so alone and scared. I felt sick, I ran to the bathroom. I had almost forgotten that I was pregnant for a second. I washed my face and looked at the clock. I had to go to school today. I really didn't want to but I skipped yesterday. Everything in my life was falling apart including my school work. There isn't anything I can do. I'm losing control over my life. I hoped that Kendall would be absent. It's possible considering he might know that I know what he did to me. I don't want him to know that I know but he probably does. Maybe he didn't even care. He knows I won't tell anyone. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

I got to school after ignoring my family. No one really tried to talk to me. Jamie wouldn't even look at me after the way I screamed at him. I don't know why he think Kendall beats me. I hid that so well. He might know something's up but has no idea what is going on with me but he acts like he's been there. No one could possibly understand. I got out of the car and walked inside. I crossed my arms tightly. It felt weird being pregnant or more like knowing that I was pregnant. I felt like people could look at me and just tell.

"Row!" Sabrina hugged me.

I jumped slightly. "Hi." I said turning to my locker.

"How are you?" She asked me with concern.

I grabbed my stuff and slammed my locker. "I'm fine." I was getting sick of saying that.

"What was up with yesterday? You wanted to hang with Kendall?" Sabrina asked knowing nothing even close to the truth.

I started walking. "Kendall and I are over." I said with no emotion.

Her eyes widened. "What? Are you okay?" She asked following me. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I shut it down.

"Come on Row, Just tell me." She begged for answers.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Enjoy! Let me know what you think!**


	29. Chapter 29

Sabrina's POV

I stood there in disbelief staring at my best friend looking at me like I was her enemy. She was talking down to me. It didn't sit well with me. I never let anyone talk to me like this. I let my temper get the best of me and I couldn't stop it.

"You know ever since you've been with Kendall. You've been a real bitch." I said hurting over all of this.

Rowan filled her face with anger that I've never seen on her before. "You've been so needy and whiny." She huffed. "Why would I want to talk to you?"

"Me? I'm the problem?" I was shocked I got closer to her face. "You are the one that is letting your boyfriend treat you like a dog."

I felt a smack across my face and my skin burned. "Can't you take the hint that I don't want you around me anymore?" Rowan looked at me with pain in her eyes.

My heart broke. "Wow."

"Go away please." She said so coldly. "And don't act like you didn't deserve that slap a long time ago." Rowan stood her ground.

"One day you're going to need a friend and wonder why you don't have any." I glared at her and walked away.

I couldn't fucking believe it. She slapped me, maybe I deserved to be slapped since I've slapped her in the face but not like this. I was wrong to do that to her but she is just as wrong too. I saw the pain in her eyes, It hurt so badly to see what's become of her. Everything has changed so much. I missed the old version of my best friend, I don't know if we would ever recover from something like this.

Rowan's POV

I put my head in my hands I wanted to scream. I didn't really want that fight with Sabrina to go down like that but people won't leave me alone. I went to class and Kendall wasn't here. I was so relieved. What if he skipped town? That would be a miracle. I couldn't focus on anything all period. I was in pain emotionally and physically in every way possible. I felt so sick whether it was morning sickness or anxiety it didn't matter at this point. I raised my hand and asked to excuse myself to the nurse. I didn't actually go to the nurses office but no one checks up on the principal's perfect daughter. I sat on the bleachers in the empty gym. It was quiet and that was exactly what I needed right now.

"Rowan?" Lucas said sitting next to me. There goes my peace and quiet.

I looked at him. "Lucas? What are you doing in here?" I didn't know other people knew about this spot. This was the old gym no one uses anymore, it's sorta hidden/

"I was wondering the same thing about you" Lucas asked avoiding my question.

'It's peaceful. You?" I asked him.

"Same but I come in here and nap sometimes." We laughed.

"Nice." I giggled, playing with my fingers. I felt nervous being here with him after all that's happened.

"Are you okay? You look upset." Lucas noticed my shaky hands.

"I'm fine." I sighed, it was getting harder to hid my emotions.

"You know you can tell me anything." He had such a comforting voice.

I nodded. "I know."

"So?" I knew that really wanted to know but he didn't want to push.

"I'm not ready to talk about anything just yet." I stared at the floor avoiding eye contact. I wasn't planning on ever talking about it.

"Okay. I'm here." Lucas respected my privacy.

"Thank you." I hugged him and felt so warm.

The bell rang and we walked to class together.

Josh's POV

I found Sabrina after school she told me all about her fight with Rowan and I didn't know what I should do about it. Rowan won't talk to anyone and Sabrina is my girlfriend. I owe it to Sabrina to be there for her especially if Rowan wouldn't even explain it. She bitched out Jamie yesterday and now this. It's getting hard not to hold back my opinion. I've held my tongue with her out of respect for Sabrina and because I didn't want her to retreat, but if she's going to do so anyway then the only option at this point is to put it all out there. I wasn't going to do anything without Jamie, he's her brother so as far as I'm concerned he has the biggest say in this. Sabrina says she and Kendall broke up so maybe that's why she's even more hard to talk to. I wanted to tell Jamie about them breaking up, if he would answer my calls. I didn't know if it was a for sure thing or not anyway. All I know is if Kendall keeps up with his bullshit then I know Jamie, my brother and dad will help me handle him. Jamie was nowhere to be found after school. We ended up taking the bus home. I talked Sabrina into coming over to my house. I know she didn't want to but if she didn't get it over with then I knew she would never come over again.

I sat on the empty couch. "Come here beautiful." I smiled extended my hand out to Sabrina.

She smiled and I pulled her into my lap. "You always know how to make me feel better." She kissed me.

Rowan's POV

I went to all of my classes and there was no Kendall anywhere. I avoided even looking at Sabrina in my classes with her. I skipped lunch and ate in the bathroom just to be safe from Kendall. I never knew with him. After school ended I waited for my dad in the main office. There was no way I was riding the bus and I didn't want to be stuck in the car with my brother or my uncle questioning me. I know I'm safe with my dad here.

"Hi daddy." I said walking into his office after a student left.

He smiled. "Hey honey. Are you waiting for me?" My dad asked looking at the time.

"Yeah." I said quietly. "I missed the bus." This was the only way I would get out of being grilled on why I didn't want to ride the bus.

"Okay. Give me a few minutes and we'll head out." My dad said, getting his stuff together.

We managed to finally get out of the school within twenty minutes and we headed home. I love my dad but he didn't shut up the whole way home. As soon as we pulled up I jumped out of the car and went inside. I walked in to find Sabrina and Josh kissing on the couch. I rolled my eyes and walked to my room before they saw me. I was so angry with her that I was automatically angry with my uncle for even bringing her here. They couldn't even be honest to me about the whole relationship. It didn't even matter if it was new or not, if I knew it was coming or not. I deserved a conversation about it. That wasn't even why I was upset. Sabrina hurt me today and is sitting in my house making out with my uncle. I can't believe she would come here after that fight. I laid on my bed and cried. I couldn't take anymore of this pain. I didn't know what I was going to do about this pregnancy. I know my options but none of them sound very good. I wondered if I was brave enough to be able to get an abortion. It was a hard decision to make especially on my own. I don't think I would be able to give a child up for adoption but was I able to raise one? I'm mess enough right now. I didn't want Kendall around for any of this either. It was my decision and I have to make it alone.

A knock came from my door and my mom appeared. "Can we talk honey?" She asked me.

"What's up?" I wondered as she sat down next to me.

"Your father and I haven't been honest with you lately." She took my hand. "We need to talk about a few things."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

 **Enjoy! I've seen people complain about Sabrina and Josh being boring and I just want to let you know that the main focus of the story is Rowan. Then Rowan related friendships/relationships. Sabrina and Josh are still very much apart of this story but I have an character arch going on with Sabrina's** **development** **and there's time I want to pass before they jump into bed together. As for Cory and Topanga, they have other important things going on that you don't know about just yet. (I've already written them finding out about Kendall so that will be coming)**


	30. Chapter 30

Toganga's POV

I sat next to my beautiful daughter taking a deep breath. Honesty was hard in this moment. I wasn't one to be a fan of lying, it wasn't really lying but it wasn't the truth. I felt the need to shield my children from my pain. They deserve not to have to worry about adult problems or if Cory and I are okay or not.

"I recently had a health scare." I looked at Rowan for her reaction.

Her face turned white. "Are you okay?!" Rowan panicked.

"I'm okay." I assured her.

"What's going on?" She asked worrying.

"Your father and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past few years." I looked at my daughter who was surprised. "It just wasn't happening so we saw a doctor and then we got the news we were expecting right after Josh moved in." I looked at my daughter bearing a shocked look across her face.

"What?!" Rowan looked freaked out.

"The thing is we didn't say anything because I had a miscarriage a week later." I breathed deeply not wanting to cry.

Her face softened. "Oh mom." Rowan's eyes filled with sparkling sparrow and she hugged me tightly.

I hugged my baby and we stayed like that for awhile. Cory and I've been dealing with this privately for awhile now. I didn't want to involve the children but Cory thought it would be good for me to for them to know.

Rowan's POV

I couldn't believe my own ears. I didn't even know my parents were trying to have another kid. I felt so much pain for my mom. I felt guilty that here I was carrying a child so easily and I didn't even know if I wanted it. I wanted to tell her everything in this moment since she was so honest with me, but I didn't. I let her go off after we talked so she could talk to Jamie. I wish I knew how to do this. I laid on my bed and curled up in a ball before falling asleep.

I was woken up an hour later by a phone call. "Hello?" I said half asleep.

"Rowan?" My eyes widen as I hear Kendall's voice. "Please don't hang up." He begged.

"I don't want to talk to you." I swallowed down the fear I felt.

"You don't have to talk. Just please listen." He cried. "I feel so lost without you. I'm so sorry baby, I'll do anything. Please don't leave me."

I stood my ground. "Goodbye Kendall." I hung up the phone and sobbed.

Sabrina's POV

I finished watching a movie with Josh. I snuggled into his arm and didn't want to move. It was about dinner time and Cory had ordered pizza for all of us. Topanga and him were going out to dinner so it was just all of us. I figured it was going to be drama filled and I was not ready for any of that. Josh and I stood up once the doorbell rang and we paid for the two pizza's from the money Cory handed us.

"I'll go get Jamie and Rowan." Josh said placing the pizzas on the table.

"Okay." I said with a smile. I grabbed plates from the cabinet and put them on the table. I saw Josh come out with Jamie following behind him. No sign of Rowan and I'm not even surprised. I sat down with Josh and looked up at Jamie who was getting his jacket on.

"Bye guys." He said grabbing his keys.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, confused at anyone turning down pizza.

"I'm going out on a date." Jamie said before leaving the house.

"I guess it's just us?" I grabbed a slice.

"Yeah." He takes a sip of his drink and grabs his slice. "Rowan's sleeping." Josh said sounding relieved.

I was relieved too.

Rowan's POV

I pretended to sleep to avoid my uncle and Sabrina but I was starving. I waited them out as long as I could but I ended up leaving my room a half hour later when I heard Josh's door open and close. Thankfully I snuck out of my room quietly and heated up a slice of pizza. I started eating and went on my phone. I had tons of texts from Kendall I didn't even read them. I logged onto Facebook and my eyes widened. There was a new status update from Kendall.

 _"I can't do this anymore. I'm alone. I miss her, I don't deserve to live._

I'm saying goodbye, I'm so sorry to everyone I've disappointed."

My chest felt heavy and my breathing slowed down. I dropped my food and I dialed Kendall's number. No answer, I tried three times. I was terrified and didn't even think about what I was doing. I paced around the room waiting for him to answer his phone. Kendall is a horrible boyfriend but I'm not heartless, I didn't want him to die. I loved him deep inside or at least the person I thought he was. There was a knock at the door and it pulled me back into reality. I ran the the door opening it to find Kendall standing there, his face was bloody. He clearly was in some fight, I stood there in shock. He took a step closer to me and pulled me into a hug. I hesitated but I hugged him back.

Jamie's POV

I walked up the stairs after having dinner down the street with my new girlfriend Lucy. I wanted to take her to meet my parents since we've been dating for a few weeks now. We opened the door and I saw Kendall standing with his back turned to the door, holding Rowan. My body tensed up and I slammed the door closed making everyone jump.

"What is he doing here?!" I yelled.

Rowan pulled away from Kendall. "Jamie, please stay out of this." She said with a shaky voice.

I looked over at Lucy. "You should probably leave." I tried to keep my cool.

She nodded her head and placed a kiss on my cheek. "Stay safe." Lucy pleaded.

I looked at her. "Call me when you're home." I opened the door and she left. I didn't want her to be in the middle of this. I turned my attention to Kendall and Rowan. "He needs to leave. Now." I said sternly.

"You need to mind your own business." Rowan looked up at Kendall.

Sabrina and Josh walked into the room and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. Rowan took Kendall's hand and dragged him to her room. I followed them closely with Sabrina and my uncle.

"What do you think your doing?" I questioned my little sister, holding back the urge to attack Kendall.

Rowan ignored my comments. "Row, you said that you guys broke up." Sabrina said confused. "What's going on?"

I raised my eyebrow. "You broke up? Then why is the scumbag still here?" I clenched my fist.

Kendall glared at me. "It's not that simple, okay?" Rowan explained. "Relationships are complicated."

"Why can't you see how badly you're being treated?" Josh asked. "He's a dick and you eat up everything he says, like some little puppy."

Kendall tensed up. "Hey! You better fucking watch what you say." He grabbed Rowan's hand pretty tightly.

I felt myself black out from the rage and I come to after punching Kendall in the nose. He tried to stand up and fight back but Rowan stopped him. She was screaming at me I couldn't even hear my own thoughts. I took a deep breath and left the room.

Sabrina's POV

Josh and I were frozen there. I didn't expect Jamie to punch him. I watched Rowan tend to his wounds. I looked at Josh for answers on what we should even do next. Josh went to go check on Jamie and I didn't move from my spot. I wasn't going to leave Rowan and Kendall alone without answers.

"I should probably leave." Kendall said softly.

Rowan nodded her head. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked him.

"I think so." He paused looking into her eyes. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

I saw Rowan hesitate. "Yes." Kendall smiled and placed a kiss on her lips.

Kendall and Rowan hugged goodbye and he slipped out the window. They ignored my presence the whole time that I was surprised she even looked at me when he left. I walked over to her bed and sat down next to her. I was still angry but this was more important.

"Please talk to me." I begged. "I won't judge you. I just don't know why you're still with him."

Rowan sighed. "I'm not still with him." She admitted.

"What? Really? That seemed like you were." I questioned.

"We were together for awhile Sab. The feelings don't just disappear." She looked down. "I'm ready to move on but he isn't and I'm worried about him." '

I listened to Rowan open up to me for the first time in awhile. "It'll be okay. I understand now." I hugged her tightly.

Rowan flinched. "Lighter please." She whispered.

My face filled with confusion. "What?" I saw the pain on her face.

"Nothing, it was just too tight." Rowan referred to the hug.

"I barely hugged you." I noticed her crossing her arms and looking nervous. "What are you hiding?"

Her face showed everything she was hiding. "Nothing. I'm fine." I watched her lie to my face.

"Jamie! Josh!" I screamed.

Rowan's eyes widen. "What do you think you're doing?" She panicked.

I stared at my best friend who was terrified. "What?" Josh said walking in with Jamie.

I looked at them and back at Rowan, knowing there was no going back from this if I was right. "Take off that sweater." I looked her in the eyes.

Rowan gulped and tightened her folded arms. "What?" She played dumb. "No."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Don't worry there will be the light in all of the darkness soon enough.**


	31. Chapter 31

Rowan's POV

I was frozen in fear of my secrets coming out. I wasn't ready at all. I never wanted to get back with Kendall. I wanted him not to do something stupid. I had every intention on getting as far as possible from him. Jamie was over reacting by punching him for just holding my hand. I shouldn't have even opened up to Sabrina. Now she's catching on and I'm so scared. I know Jamie suspected Kendall hurt me but I lied to him. I played it off so well. There was no playing this off. Sabrina, Josh and Jamie stood there no one said anything for a few seconds but it felt like a century. Jamie looked at Sabrina and saw the serious expression on her face. My brother looked back to me.

"Take off your sweater." Jamie said with zero emotion after he caught on to what was going on.

I took a deep breath. "No." I said terrified, looking at my uncle and my best friend.

Jamie followed my stare. "Josh, Sabrina can you give us a minute?" He asked them to leave.

"Yeah of course." Josh said taking Sabrina's hand guiding her out of the room, it was clear she didn't want to leave but she did anyway.

I watched Jamie turn back to me. He looked into my eyes for a good twenty seconds. I felt so scared of the truth coming out. My brother didn't say a word, he walked behind me and slowly pulled off my sweater. I calmed up there was no time to react and there was no way I was leaving without him knowing. I stood there in my black tank top. I could see the refection of his face in my mirror. His heart was breaking, he was in shock. Jamie pulled my tank top up a little more revealing bigger bruises. His eyes were teary and his face was covered in shock.

He gasped. "I can't believe this." Jamie's voice broke, I could tell he was hurting over this. "You lied to me about this, about him." He was both angry and distraught.

I pulled down my shirt and turned to face him. "I'm sorry." I apologized for lying and for hiding all of this. "I was so terrified."

"It's okay." He let me off the hook. "You were scared, I understand." Jamie's turned from supportive to angry fast. "I'm going to kick his fucking ass."

"No please don't!" I protested. "I don't want you to stoop to his level. You're better than that." I convinced him, I didn't want anymore drama.

Jamie fell onto my bed and sighed. "How could you not tell any of us he was doing this to you?" He wanted answers.

I sat next to him. "I thought he would change. I hoped he would and I was in love." I explained in the best way I could. I was surprised with his reaction being sad instead of screaming at me and going to find Kendall.

"How can you be in love with someone who beats you?" Jamie teared up again thinking about all of my bruises.

"It wasn't always like this, bad or painful. It once was so good." I thought about the first few weeks.

Jamie took my hand. "Please don't see him again." He pleaded.

"I broke up with him. We aren't going to see each other anymore." I saw the relief on my brother's face. "I promise not to see him but he's hurting from the break up and I need this all to be quiet." I looked at my Jamie for his promise to stay silent.

"He's hurting?!" Jamie raised his voice. "You're covered in bruises Row!"

"I know that but I deserve things to end my way. After everything I've been through. Please give me that." I begged him to not involve himself.

Jamie ran his fingers through his hair. "One week. You have one week and then we tell mom and dad."

I nodded. "Thank you."

Jamie's POV

Staring at my baby sister's bruised color back broke my heart in a million pieces. Rowan informed me that she saw a doctor about the injuries, she told the doctor she was in a car accident. There was so many things I overlooked. The times he's stranded her, the isolation, the mood swings. He controlled her and I let it happen. I've never felt more guilty for giving her such a hard time. I feel guilty for not stopping this relationship when it started. She looked so weak and sad. I owed it to her to let her have the time. Rowan's been through more than I can imagine if she wanted things to go her way, on her terms I was going to let her. At least I knew now she didn't want to be with him. I knew once things were settled down, we were telling mom and dad. I know they would convince her to press charges. That I won't let go. The only thing aside keeping me from going to punch him out is she deserves justice and she deserves things to go the way she wants. All I want is for her to be safe and happy.

"Jamie?" Rowan said while resting her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I asked her.

"Thank you for not giving up on me." She held back tears. "You're the best brother a girl could have." Rowan smiled sweetly.

I rubbed her arm. "I'd do anything for you Rowboat I know you know that."

"I do." She said softly.

"You'll be okay." I looked at my little sister knowing how much of a warrior she is. "This is only going to make you stronger." I tried my best to make her feel better.

I kissed my sister's head and went to my room to talk to Josh and Sabrina. Rowan knew it was time to talk to her best friend.

"Hey guys. Sorry about that, I thought Rowan would want some privacy instead of all of us confronting her." I said after I entered the room and saw Sabrina stand up quickly.

"What happened?" She was concerned.

"Rowan's in her room. She's willing to talk if you are." I gave Sabrina the message Rowan sent.

"Thanks Jamie." Sabrina left the room.

Josh looked at me. "So are you going to tell me what happened?" My uncle said worrying, seeing the look I had.

I lost it. "H-he beat the fuck out of her." As much as I tried to hold it in the tears fell from my face.

Josh was speechless. "Is she okay?" He asked, patting my back.

I wiped my face with my shirt taking a deep breath. "She's alive and she knows she can't be with him anymore. As for if shes okay, I don't know if she'll ever be okay." I admitted.

Josh's face soften. "I could fucking kill this guy." His expression changed.

"You and me both." I sighed.

Sabrina's POV

I almost ran to Rowan's room after I got the okay from Jamie. I had to be sure of what I pretty much knew. I walked in and she sat on her bed crying. It hurts seeing her like this. She looked so small. I sat in front of her, we didn't say a word at first. We both knew what we knew.

"He hits you doesn't he?" I asked her as my eyes filled up with water.

She nods, sobbing. "Yeah, he does." Rowan felt ashamed.

I felt really bad, she was in so much pain. "I'm so sorry I didn't see this coming." I apologized pulling her into a hug.

"I hid it well." She said trying to let me off the hook. It wouldn't be that easy, I was too absent and I will make it up to her.

She pulled away and took a deep breath, this was all weighing heavy on her. "Can I see it?" I asked her wanting to know how bad it was.

"Yeah." She turned around and pulled up her shirt.

My eyes widened. "Row." I couldn't even speak.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Currently listening to some Taylor Swift, drinking a beer while editing this because reliving this sad chapter is a lot after today. I was hit on by a guy that was way older than me for like a half hour the guy truly wasn't understanding I wasn't interested, he kept asking me to come to his house or get in his car! The guy was hired to paint my apartments so he had my address and keys to the front door super creepy but I reported him to my office! I refuse to let** **silence** **win after I've done so many times growing up! Today got better.**


	32. Chapter 32

Sabrina's POV

I looked at all the bruises on my best friend's back. It was heartbreaking. Kendall changed her so much. He used her and then treated her like this. I was so upset. Rowan was the happiest go lucky girl, someone I always leaned on to bright my days with her positive smiles and comforting hugs. It was my job to be that person for her now. I was crying myself but after a few minutes of us crying together, I pulled myself together.

I hugged her. "You are going to be okay." I told her.

"How can you be so sure Sabrina?" Rowan pulled away and looked at me for guidance as I did to her my whole life.

"I just know, so trust me." I made myself believe it and I held the brightest smile.

"Okay." Rowan took my advice.

"I'll be right back." I went into the living room and grabbed the camera Shawn gave me.

I walked back in. "What are you doing?" Rowan asked me as I held the camera in my hand.

"I want evidence." I said sternly stating it wasn't an option, she didn't protest.

I took pictures of her back and arms. She wouldn't let me look at her stomach or anything else but I knew I had enough with how bad her back looked. Rowan wanted privacy so I let her be. I joined Josh and Jamie in their room. Jamie was a mess and so was I.

"We have to be strong for her." I stated knowing that she was in need of all of our support.

"I agree." Jamie manged to get out.

Shawn picked me up later that night and it took a lot in me not to tell him everything. I was really upset over all of this.

"What's up?" He asked me wondering why I was so quiet.

"I just miss my mom." I said not really lying, I did miss her.

Shawn's face soften. "We got each other. I know it's not the same but I'm always here for you."

"I know." I smiled.

We ate a late diner and talked it out. I didn't say anything about Rowan but I opened up more.

Rowan's POV

Jamie and Josh kept checking up on me all night I could hardly sleep. I felt safer with them knowing but I also felt weak. I didn't want them seeing me like this. I didn't want them to find out I was raped and that I'm pregnant. It's such a bad situation in my brother and best friend's head already, that would make them feel worse. I'm no crybaby. I can handle myself. I felt like a stranger inside my own body. I missed the old me.

"Rowan?" I heard followed by a knock.

"Yes?" I say as Josh enters into my room.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me, concerned.

"I've been better but I'm sure you can tell." I yawned.

"I know we didn't get to talk yesterday but I want you to know I have your back, now and always." Josh stared at me. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you but I'm here now if you'll have me."

I nodded and he hugged me. "I love you."

"Love you too." My uncle rubbed my hand and stood up letting me know they were leaving for school in a few minutes.

"I'm going to get a ride with my Mom." I said wanting to sleep a few minutes in.

Josh left my room and I started slowly getting ready for school. I was so tired I wanted to skip but I was missing so much school. I threw on baggy clothes and met my mom in the car.

"Thanks for the ride, I wasn't feeling good." I looked over at my mom.

"Honey, are you okay?" She asked raising her eyebrow.

"Yeah I'm fine it's just I'm tired." I tried to divert the talk.

"You seem to be sick a lot lately." My mom felt my head and slapped on a confused look on her face. "Is something going on that I don't know about?"

"No everything's normal." I lied and faked a smile.

"You would tell me right." She looked at me as I turned my head.

"Of course I would." I said.

I got to school and my mom pulled away. I walked to the gym area so I could be alone for awhile. I felt my hand being pulled and I looked up and there he was. Kendall standing over me. My world went black.

Jamie's POV

It was fourth period and I hadn't seen Rowan yet today. It was weird usually she goes to her locker. I wanted to check up on her and make sure Kendall wasn't bothering her. I went over to Lucas and hoped that he had seen her.

"Hey man." Lucas said shaking my head.

"Hey." I said greeting him. "Where's Rowan?" I asked Lucas.

"She wasn't in class. I figured she was ditching again." He saw the look on my face and he was worried.

"What?!" I ignored Lucas' follow up questions and dialed Sabrina's number asking her to meet us at lunch.

Lucas followed me into the lunchroom and I sat with my uncle and sister's best friends. There was no Rowan in sight nor was there Kendall.

"Do you think she fell back under his spell?" Sabrina asked me.

I shook my head not knowing the truth. "I don't know."

"Maybe she never was over his spell." Josh looked at all of us.

"What do you mean?" Lucas asked.

"What if she never broke up with him and it was all an act to stay with him and let us think they broke up so she could run away with him." Josh suggested and my heart broke I really didn't want that to be the case but it seems likely.

"That's a big accusation Josh." Sabrina doubted it.

We sat there passing ideas around and calling Rowan's phone many times. I felt really helpless not having a clue what to do. Lucas was quiet and angry after realizing he was right about the abuse. I knew he was ready to go off on Kendall. We all wanted to and I didn't care about Rowan's promise. If she can make me promise to keep her secrets then still go out with that guy then I will tell the whole world.

Cory's POV

I stood in my office looking over paperwork as I got a call from my beautiful wife.

"Yes dear?" I said picking up the phone.

"Hey, I need to pick up Rowan early." Topanga says. "She has a doctor's appointment."

"For what?" I asked my wife.

"She's been sick lately so I made her one a few days ago." She mentions.

"Okay. I'll call her down now!" I said.

"Great see you in a few hon." We made kissing noises on the phone and I hung up and called down to Rowan's classroom.

The teacher informs me that Rowan is not in class. That's strange. I checked the rest of her classes and she wasn't marked here. I was getting worried. I called her twice and no answer. I started to panic. Where was she at? I called down Sabrina, Jamie and Josh hoping they had answers. By the time they all arrived so did my wife. We all were in my office.

"Where is Rowan?" I asked the three of them. I had informed Topanga on what happened.

"Where is my child, Hart." Topanga glared at Sabrina who usually is the one getting Rowan into trouble. Topanga loved Sabrina but she was in mom mode and you don't want to mess with her.

"I-I don't know." Sabrina spit out with worry. Josh was holding her hand and Jamie was just as angry as his mom.

"What about you guys?" I asked the boys.

"We don't know anything." Josh said looking at Topanga. "Okay well we know something."

"What is it?" Topanga growled.

"She's with Kendall." Jamie said with anger.

"Where are they?" I asked them as they looked at each other.

"We don't know." Sabrina said. "She won't call me back."

"Did any of you try Kendall?" My wife asked all of them.

"No. We don't have his number." Sabrina admitted.

I sighed and dialed the number Kendall gave us the night we invited him over. It didn't even ring. It was the wrong number.

"Why would he give us the wrong number?" I asked the three sitting there knowing more than they were sharing.

"Everything he told you guys was a lie." Sabrina said. "He's not a good boy like he said. Rowan told me his family is messed up."

"What else did she tell you?" Topanga asked. Everyone was looking at Sabrina.

"Nothing really. She kept their relationship so private." Sabrina explained.

"We didn't say anything to you guys because we didn't want to push her away." Josh said.

"I wanted to dad. I really fucking wanted to but she was already mad enough at me for weeks." Jamie sighed.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Hey! I hope you all had a great Christmas! I have a really bad ear infection and I can't move my jaw so focusing on this story is not easy. I went to the doctor and got some meds hopefully I'll be better since my friend is visiting me Sunday. The next chapter is intense for all you Riley/Lucas fans. Prepare yourself there will be a warning. I need lots of reviews if you want it.** **I'm sorry about the delay sickness plus Christmas and New Years all at once was crazy!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Trigger warning: SA**

Rowan's POV

My eyes slowly opened, light beaming on my face. It was hard to see. The memories of being taken and passing out came back to me slowly. I heard grunting and started to come to Kendall on top of me in his room. I froze being in this situation once again but it wasn't partly my fault this time. I didn't choose to be here. I started screaming and panicking. I was full of anxiety and my face was tear stained. I tried to kick him off but I was so weak from previous beatings and being so much smaller than him. He pulled off my shirt and bra. My stomach was in knots.

"Please don't do this!" I cried begging him to get off.

Kendall kissed my neck. "Sorry baby." He wasn't sorry.

He was so strong that he only needed one hand to hold me down and the other hand he used to grabbed my one of my breast. "S-stop." I was shaking, hoping he would stop.

"Wow those got bigger." Kendall looked at my chest and chuckled. I felt so sick watching him enjoy this when all could do was cry or scream. My voice was running out of energy. He placed kisses down my stomach. "You really are pregnant then aren't you?" Kendall asked me what he already knew.

"Please let me go." I pleaded, ignoring him.

"You and I both know I can't do that now that you know the true." Kendall referred to the rape.

I knew there was no escape. I was scared for my life and my baby. I feared that he was going to rape me again and kill me. I shivered as he started kissing me again. I tried moving but his grip got harder. I screamed until my voice was gone. He moved lower to remove my underwear. I closed my eyes wishing it would end. I felt the pressure of Kendall's body being pulled off of me. My opened eyes wide seeing Lucas standing there. There was pushing and Kendall was angry. He threw a punch at Kendall and I grabbed the sheet and backed into the corner. I was shaking in fear.

Lucas's POV

All I could think about was Rowan and how angry I was. No one was doing anything to save her. Sabrina, Josh and Jamie got called down to the office. I looked over at Jamie and he tossed me his keys. He knew what I was thinking. I got up from the table after everyone left and I grabbed my jacket. I made my way to his truck and waited till no one was around to see me skipping class. I had a permit but I was yet to have my licensee it didn't matter right now. There was nothing preventing me from finding Rowan. I sped out of the parking lot and drove to Kendall's house. I just want her to be okay and safe. That's all I could think. I pulled up out front and heard screaming. My eyes widened and I ran to the door. It was locked. I found the window and kicked it in. I crawled inside as I was hearing Rowan's voice. The screaming was louder and scarier. I ran up the stairs and opened the door to see Kendall on top of Rowan. She was laying there exposed. I expected a lot to see in that room but not this. I was shocked to my core. That I found her being sexually assaulted by the guy says he loves her?! My blood was boiling, I grabbed him in seconds and pushed him to the ground. He got up and tried to attack me but I punched him, again causing him to fall and I got on top of him, punching again and again. I didn't want to stop ever witnessing the things he did to the girl I loved. I heard Rowan sobbing stop from the other side of the room in her broken voice. I looked at Kendall, all bloody and beaten. He deserves worse but I'm not a monster like he is. I made sure he wasn't able to move and I went over to Rowan.

"Are you hurt?" I asked her in a panic.

She swallowed. "No I don't think so. I'm fine"

"Let's get out of here okay?" I asked Rowan who was still shaking.

She nodded her head. Rowan looked so weak and scared. It hurt seeing her like this. I took off my jacket and handed it to her to put on. I looked for her clothes and I grabbed her stuff before carrying her out of the house. Rowan buried her head into my chest and I got to the car, putting her in before getting in myself.

"Thank you." Rowan said looking at me with all the pain written on her face.

"Anything for you." I pulled away from the house and started driving to her house, knowing her parents needed to see her. "We need to talk about what happened." I mentioned carefully not to upset her even more.

"Why do you have Jamie's car?" She asked in her shaky voice.

"I had to make sure you were okay. Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her, trying to get any information I could.

"Not really but I don't think you'll take that for an answer." She looked at me.

"Not this time." I had to know everything. "I could be put in jail for what I did to his face, not that I have any regret about it but I would like to know the details so I can fight for us both."

"Pull over." Rowan said and I pulled into a parking space.

"How bad is it?" I said her and prepared myself to hear things I wasn't ready to.

"Bad." Rowan's eyes were watery. "I loved him, or at least I thought I did." Rowan turned around and pulled up her shirt and showed me her back.

My eyes were watering now seeing her hurting this bad. "Row." I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for hiding it." She apologized and pulled her shirt down.

"I understand why it was too scary." I was so angry he did this to her.

"I ended it and it was so hard to do Lucas but in the end it didn't work. He still had this control over me." Rowan looked into my eyes. "I'll never be safe."

I shook my head. "He will never touch you again. I promise you." I pulled her into a hug.

Rowan's POV

I knew there was no going back from this conversation. Lucas wasn't going to go down for anything. I'm the master of my own fate. I choose to fight for him if Kendall doesn't go away. I just wanted to go home and be with my family and friends. The thing is everyone thinks they know everything but no one knows the full truth. I felt so suffocated by my own lies and secrets. Lucas knows so much and it was time for him to know everything.

"Lucas?" I said gaining his attention. "There's something you need to know."

"What is it?" He asked, worried.

Deep breaths. "I was raped." I said softly and looked at him. It took everything in me admit that out loud for the first time.

A wave of shock came over him. "He did what?! Today?" Lucas was scared and confused, he had thought he got there in time to stop him.

I had to clarify. "Not today, before." I looked down.

"What? When?" I could tell he felt sick for not stopping this relationship sooner.

This was why I didn't want to tell people. The guilt cuts deep.

"That day you kissed me." I kept staring at my feet.

His eyes widened "At the party? Rowan that was months ago! Why did you stay with him?" Lucas was confused and shocked with tears in his eyes.

I ran my hand through my hair. "I didn't know. He drugged me and I didn't realize until-" I stopped myself and cried.

"He drugged you? Oh Rowan." Lucas was crying and I was crying. It was a mess. "How did you find out?" He asked me.

I stayed quiet and felt his hand on mine and I looked back up. "I'm pregnant Lucas."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I know this chapter was intense but I think Riley/Lucas fans will be happy with it. I want over five reviews for the next one things will be intense with the reveal for Rowan/Lucas/Sabrina and Jamie. It's coming.**

 **I made an update about this pregnancy but I deleted it when I posted this chapter. So I'll post it here:**

 **This series is important and I like talking about important issues that females have to go through. The pregnancy is a big story line I have seen people express their opinions on it previously so I would like to know the majority of what everyone wants. Whatever I choose to do with her pregnancy whether it's keeping it, adoption, abortion or miscarriage it'll be a big tale to tell. Every option is difficult in it's own way so whatever is most requested I'm okay with doing so. I would like you to vote on whether you want the pregnancy to continue or end and then I'll decide in the manor it will end or continue. If you want to explain your answer in the comments or on messages please do so and thank you. Once I have enough votes/reviews I will write the story line.**


	34. Chapter 34

Lucas' POV

I was speechless I looked at the girl I loved telling me the answers to the questions I've had this whole time. I didn't like the answers. I wanted Kendall's head for this. I knew he was terrible but rape? How can someone be so disgusting. I didn't know what to say so I held her in my arms and rocked her. This whole thing must be so difficult. I don't know where her strength came from but Rowan was the strongest person I've ever known. To go through this while carrying a child. I couldn't believe she had been going through this all alone. I wouldn't let her do that again.

"I'm so sorry Row." I whispered in her ear as she cried.

"Thank you." She said pulling away. "I just don't know what to do."

"We should report him to the police. He needs to be accountable for his actions." I thought about how much I would love to see this horrible human being get jail time.

"No Lucas, I'm not ready for all that." Rowan sighed. "I'm not ready for everyone to know about the rape and the baby."

"I understand that, I do but he can't just get away with it." I looked in her sad eyes.

She nodded. "I know that but I don't want to go through this anymore."

"I know you don't but you're going through it and your body has been through a lot. You need to see a doctor and tell your parents." I suggested knowing it wouldn't be easy trying to convince her.

"I can't tell them. I'm so scared." Rowan pleaded for my silence. I didn't plan on telling anyone what she told me but I'm not going to sit here and not suggest her to do so.

"Why are you scared to tell them?" I wondered knowing Cory and Topanga aren't heartless. She wasn't going to get in trouble for being raped.

"If I tell them it makes everything real." She looked down.

"It already is real." I looked at her small stomach. It's not like I could tell unless I suspected something but it was still happening. "Sooner or later it's going to get out and wouldn't you rather them find out from you?"

"I guess so. I never really thought about it." Rowan admitted it had been to hard to think about how her parents would react. "I can't deal with the stares I'm going to get Lucas." She cried. "What if no one believes me?"

"You're not somebody else's opinion of you." I wanted her to see past the judgement of others and do what she thinks is right. "All that matters is we know the truth."

"It's scary, being in a world where I can tell my truth and have no one believe a word. Kendall made me his girlfriend so it would make me look like a liar if I went to the police." She sobbed. It broke my heart to see her like this.

I took her hand. "I won't ever let you have to go through this alone again." I was serious, I wasn't her boyfriend or the father of her child but I don't care about that.

Rowan's POV

I was so scared of all of this coming out but Lucas was so understanding. I knew it was important for the truth to come out but I was still nervous. I already have people in my family looking at me differently for knowing about the abuse. I never wanted my parents to look at me like that, like I was some tragic little victim. I was so much more than who Kendall his made me be. I wanted to be this strong person people keep saying I am but it's so hard to be strong. Lucas called Jamie and told him I was safe and I dialed my mom's number. She was so relieved to hear from me even thought she was angry I skipped school. I didn't have the strength yet to tell her the truth and especially not over the phone. So I told her I found out Kendall was lying to me so we broke up and Lucas took me to have a day off from school. She believed me.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the police?" Lucas asked me again after I got off the phone.

"Yes. I'm not ready to go through that. I'm still healing and it's a process. It's all I can handle right now." He understood me even if he wanted something different and that meant a lot.

"Let's get you home." Lucas half smiled to cheer me up.

Lucas didn't treat me so differently like I had thought he would. It went with me feeling somehow better than I did before. I was going home to my brother's questions and I knew he deserved the answers too. I think the truth might set me free. I think I'm ready to finally talk to my brother.

Sabrina's POV

Josh and I waited for Shawn to pick us up. Cory and Topanga took Jamie home to wait for Rowan while they went out to look for her. Shawn was going to join them after dropping us off at my house in case Rowan showed up here. I was so worried and was seconds away from telling them how dangerous Kendall was. I called Lucas and he didn't answer. Jamie had it in his head that Lucas was going to Kendall's house. I hoped he found her safe.

"She'll be okay." Josh snapped me out of my own head.

"I hope so." I sighed, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I feel bad that we didn't call the police or tell her parents the full story."

"We don't have the full story and we will do what it takes to find her if she doesn't get back to us." He squeezed my hand. "I promise." Josh stood up when Shawn showed up.

"Did you hear anything?" I asked Shawn.

He shook his head. "Not yet. I'm sorry guys, I'm sure she's fine." Shawn tried to comfort us through his worry.

We got in the car and headed to my house. The only reason I didn't call the police yet was because we haven't heard from Lucas. I kept trying to reach him but it went to voicemail every time. I knew Topanga and Cory were heading to Kendall's house once they dropped off Jamie and checked to see if she was home yet. I was afraid of what they would find. I had never seen Shawn so worried even though he was hiding it pretty well. It was obvious and it made me uneasy.

"Hello?" Josh said answering his phone.

"Who is it?" I said anxiously.

He waved his arm. "Really?" Josh smiled. "Good! Let me know how it goes."

"What?!" Shawn and I both said as Josh got off the phone.

"Good new! Lucas called Jamie and Rowan's been with him." Josh smiled at me.

"That's amazing!" Shawn said relieved.

"She's okay?" I asked feeling relieved but worried.

"From what I heard she's fine and she called my brother and told him she was with Lucas all day." Josh gave me a look.

Rowan was not with Lucas today but at least she's safe and we can go to her parents with the truth after. All that matters is her safety and I won't let this happen again. Josh and Jamie probably won't let her out of their sight ever again. I wanted to talk to her and find out why she went with Kendall. I figured she was in a lot of trouble so I would have to sneak into her room and talk to her. Shawn took us to get something to eat before dropping us off at the Matthew's house. I was so excited to hug my best friend and know she was okay with my own eyes.

"Before we go inside, I just want you to know that I adore your big heart." Josh said placing a kiss on my lips.

I pulled away. "I adore yours." I giggled and kissed him again.

"Let's go check on our girl." We went inside hand in hand.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I want to tell this story as authentically as I can and after researching everything myself. I heavily researched abortion and hearing woman speak about it. It's a lot different then I assumed it would be. I will fight to ends earth to make sure woman have a right to their own body and own decisions. I think any woman that goes through that is so strong. As for this story, I don't think I can write that story line correctly. I don't want to make people uncomfortable for my lack of knowledge. I'm leaning towards miscarriage or keeping the baby. I'm trying to to go with what the majority would like to see but at the same time keeping true to the characters I've written and figuring how what Rowan would actually do.**

 **Miscarriage she would be loosing control which I agree is not what she needs but she can also relate to her mom on it and they can** **build** **a bond from it.**

 **I would like to know if you would be interested in reading her going through with the pregnancy. I know there wasn't many that suggested it but maybe after this one chapter you might have a different opinion. There's also the** **possibility** **of loosing the child at birth. My own parents went through that. It does allow her to gain control before she looses it again. So that's what I'm thinking but please that me know.**

 **PS: No one voted in the poll on my profile and the comments/messages are really torn**


	35. Chapter 35

Rowan's POV

Jamie stood in my room with his arms folded. I knew he was pissed and he knew that I was with Kendall. I looked at Lucas who stood next to me this wasn't going to be easy. I had already texted my parents lying to them and making sure they didn't think I was with Kendall like they thought. Jamie wasn't as easy to fool anymore but he was happy Lucas returned me in one piece. I asked Lucas to wait outside we both knew I had to tell Jamie the truth and not just some of it. I sat on my bed and took a deep breath. I knew this was it, I tell Jamie and he will take this to my parents and then I can't run from it anymore.

"What's going on?" He asked me, wanting the truth of it all. "Why did you go with Kendall after you promised me you wouldn't?" I could tell he felt betrayed and it didn't make me feel very good that the trust is gone but I understood why from all the months of lying to him.

"I didn't-" I tried to explain what really happened but he wanted the floor.

"If mom and dad weren't out looking for you then they would be here yelling at you! You're damn lucky you have a great friend like Lucas who covered for you." Jamie yelled out of hurt and anger. "I'm not lying anymore if you're just going to be stupid and go behind my back to see a guy that beats you!"

"Jamie! Shut up!" I yelled back and sighed needing a second.

My brother realized he was being a little harsh."I'm sorry but you scared me today." He apologized for yelling at me. He wasn't wrong, it was stupid of me for buying into Kendall's bullshit but I can't erase the past. I intended on keeping my promises to my brother last night so I accepted his apology.

"I have to tell you the truth, not just about today but the whole relationship." I looked at my brother who sat next to me.

He was confused. "Huh?"

"I wasn't skipping school today, Kendall grabbed me and forced me to his house." I noticed the red on my brother's face, this was going to be so difficult being honest with him.

"He did what?!" Jamie stood up. "I'm calling the police, you need a restraining order now."

"Wait." I said standing up. "There's more."

"What?" Jamie raised his eyebrow. He couldn't fathom there being more to this story.

I sighed. "This is really hard to sit here and tell you the truth." I said honestly scared out of my mind. I had to be careful with my words or else he wouldn't even listen to the rest of the story so I thought it would be best to tell him about the pregnancy first.

"You can tell me anything." He looked at me. "I"m here to listen."

I slowly with shaky hands, lifted up my shirt and put one hand on my small bump that was barely visible. Jamie looked down and up at me confused for a second and then it hit him. His eyes widened and his face was blank. "Jamie-"

Seconds of quiet he rubbed his face in stress. "You're pregnant?" He asked me to confirm.

"Yes." I nodded and let the information sit with him before telling him more. He was really upset and in shock.

Jamie ran his fingers through his hair trying to grasp this. "You're only fifteen years old, you can't have a baby." My brother was very worried for me.

"I know." I said quietly, sighing as I watched Jamie's disappointment shine.

"Who else knows?" He looked at me.

"You, Kendall and Lucas." I said knowing that would change soon enough. "It's why I broke up with Kendall."

"How far along are you? Did he hurt you before he knew or after?" Jamie had so many questions, it was overwhelming.

"I have more to tell you." I ignored his questions.

"More?!" Jamie sighed. I could tell his heart was broken and he was disappointed in me.

"The night of the party when I started dating Kendall I thought I had gotten drunk but I was drugged and he raped me." I spit out as fast as I could or else I wouldn't have been able to. I expect my brother to freak out but he was processing.

"What?!" His face softened for me.

"I didn't know I was raped until I found out I was pregnant." I looked at Jamie who was tearing up.

"He raped you?" Jamie's face filled with worry. "I'm- I'm so sorry." He felt a taste of my pain and he was feeling the guilt.

I teared up. "He tried to do it again today, Lucas got there in time." I paused. "I thought he was going to kill me."

"That's it. I'm calling mom and dad." Jamie pulled out his phone and pulled me into his arms.

Jamie's POV

I was so angry at everything in this moment. I could have stopped all of this if I had been more aware. That will haunt me til the day I die. I held my baby sister in my arms as trying to comfort her after months of pain and hurt. She was only fifteen and going through this much? It wasn't fair. I wanted to take her pain away and I wanted to do what I could to ruin Kendall's life. He took my sister's life and he twisted it permanently. Rowan's life is forever going to center this tragic event that has happened to her. Every decision in her life is altered and fueled by what he did to her. It made me sick to my stomach. My parents said they would be home shortly. I didn't go into detail, not over the phone.

"Jam?" Rowan said wondering in her own thoughts.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"I'm going to need your help telling mom and dad." I heard the fear in her voice and I wanted to protect her from further hurt and pain.

"You got it." I rubbed her shoulder. "Anything you need from here on out."

Cory's POV

I walked into the house with Topanga behind me and I yelled out Rowan's name. I was so disappointed in her lately. The mood swings, the lying, the skipping school. She was about to get the grounding of a life time. Topanga agreed with me. We were happy she wasn't with that boyfriend of hers anymore. Clearly he was a bad influence on her. I was angry with my brother and son for keeping information from us about the kid lying to our faces. It was ridiculous. Lucas was sitting on the couch and he greeted us.

"Hi daddy." Rowan said entering the room with Jamie behind her.

"Jamie, why don't you go take Lucas home. We need to talk to your sister." Topanga suggested folding her arms.

"Sabrina is coming over to bring Rowan and Lucas the homework. I'll take him home after that if that's okay?" Jamie asked us.

"Fine." I said looking at my children. "But please would you excuse us for a few minutes."

Jamie looked at Rowan. "It's fine Jam." She gave him permission to leave.

Topanga and I looked at each other in confusion. "What was that about?" I asked after Lucas and my son went to his room.

"Nothing." Rowan said clearly trying to hide something.

"It's something. There's something going on with you and we deserve to know." I demanded answers to why my daughter was behaving like this lately.

"Honey, we love you but we're concerned." Topanga sat down next to her.

"Guys I'm sorry for the way I've been acting but I'm not ready to talk about it. I just went through a tough break up and I just need a few days." She looked at her mother for help.

"You don't just get out of this by saying you need time." I stood my ground. I wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"I'll change, I just need time to work things out in my head." Rowan promised.

"Cory, maybe we give her a day or two and then we continue this conversation." My girls looked at me.

"No!" I said gasping at the sudden change in my wife's words.

"Please. I promise to be honest. It's just painful." Rowan begged and Topanga gave in and hugged her tightly.

"We will back off but you're still ground for ditching school. Two weeks." Topanga pulled away and gave me a look to agree.

"Okay fine." I agreed reluctantly.

"That sounds fair. I love you guys." Rowan said before leaving the room.

"What was that? You completely gave into her!" I was upset.

"Listen Cor, I know what it's like to be a teenage girl. I don't want to push her away." She explained.

I took her word for it since I never was a teenage girl but I wasn't going to let this go for much longer. I needed to know what was going on with my daughter. She was this perfect smart and sweet little girl and one day that faded away. I missed her.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Big chapter! Almost everyone knows. I made a decision on what I want for Rowan's path. It's a mix of what a lot of people wanted and I'm going to please you guys but also tell the story I feel comfortable telling and I want to tell. Sabrina and Josh stuff will be more present I know they took a backseat but it was important for this Rowan stuff to be first.**


	36. Chapter 36

Sabrina's POV

Josh and I walked into the Matthew's house and I saw my best friend on the couch with Lucas. They were relaxing and talking but that stopped when she saw us come in. A smile formed on her face. One that I really needed to see. It was so good to see her face after today. I practically attacked her with love. She was excited to see me and I was surprised to see Lucas still here. I gave him a quick hug after and Josh hugged Rowan.

"Is everything okay?" Josh asked Rowan as we both looked at the worry on Lucas' face.

"I should be going." Lucas blurted out.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?" Rowan said before hugging him tightly.

They pulled away after awhile and Lucas went to get Jamie to take him home. I wondered what had happened today. Lucas and Rowan weren't on the best of terms but now it looks like they were inseparable. I was relieved to see my best friends being close again but the reason made me afraid. Jamie walked out into the living room to take Lucas home and I noticed he was really upset.

"I'll be back in ten. Call me if you need anything." Jamie said rubbing Rowan's back.

"Thanks." She half smiled and Jamie headed out with Lucas.

The way Jamie and Rowan were acting scared me, it was clear something wasn't right. All I wanted was my friends all happy and healthy, I looked at Josh nervously. He kissed my head and it calmed me down a little.

"I'm going to hop in the shower." Josh says looking at us both. "Unless you want to talk Row?" He turned his head to Rowan.

Rowan shook her hug. "No it's okay Josh. We can talk later." She informed him.

Josh hugged Rowan. "Whatever is going on, I'm sorry but just remember you're not alone." She nodded and Josh pecked my cheek.

"We need to have a conversation." Rowan said to me once Josh left.

"What?" I asked her knowing this was it. Whatever it was.

"Alone?" She took my hand and lead me outside of the apartment. We went up to the roof. She didn't want to be interrupted.

"It must be serious huh?" I asked looking at her expression and the fact that she had to take me here.

"Yeah it is." She looked out at the dark sky. "Remember when we use to come up here?" She laughed as we both thought about the good old days of our childhood before life got so complicated.

"Of course I do." I giggled envisioning the memories.

"I'm sorry for everything that's happened with us. The fighting and the pushing you away." Rowan apologized for things I wasn't blaming her for.

"You don't have to be. I understand you had a lot going on and I didn't help by the way I wasn't there for you." We were both feeling sorry.

"I wasn't there for you either. I'm not going to be like that anymore." She looked at me. "Let's be better." She smiled.

"That's sounds nice." I smiled watching her smile fade quickly.

"Good because the thing I needed to talk to you about is that I was raped." Rowan looked at me after admitting the truth of what happened to her and my mouth swung open. There was a moment of quiet and I tried to speak but nothing came out. She was wrestling with what to say next as was I. "And I'm pregnant." She stood there letting a tear fall down her face.

I stood there in shock. I couldn't even think of a word that would make her feel better. I knew this girl as much as I knew myself. This must be breaking her, I felt so awful about it and about everything she went through. The things I had no idea about. I couldn't have predicted any of this. I promised her we would be better and I intend on being much better. I will prove that to my best friend but for now I did all I knew how to do. I held my emotions of worry and anger and just let her cry on my shoulder. We didn't say much but it wasn't what mattered. We're together and nothing will stop us.

Rowan's POV

I woke up the next morning after one of the hardest days of my life. Sabrina and I were up late, staring at the sky. I asked her to go home, I need to be alone for awhile after such a hectic day. I knew she would have more questions once the shock wears off. I fell asleep easier than expected because I was exhausted from all the crying. Thankfully Kendall didn't invade my dreams. I think the honesty really helped my mind heal a little. I had been lying to everyone for so long and it felt good getting it off my chest, even if it was painful. I checked my phone and was relieved to see I didn't have any messages from him. I just wanted him to go away. It was nice seeing the people most important to me not freak out on me. I just hope they don't look at me the way I know everyone else will. My uncle knocked on my door and walked in to check on me.

"Hey." He said causally which made me relieved to see.

"Hi." I half smiled.

"How are you doing?" He asked me.

I hadn't had a chance to talk to Josh about everything but I knew that he knew. "I guess better would be the word." I said looking at my uncle towering over me, with his messy bed head. "I think getting everything out really is helping me heal inside."

"That's good that it helps." I could tell he was speechless and didn't want to say the wrong things.

"You can talk to me you know?" I said being frustrated as he raised his eyebrow. "I can take whatever you say Josh but please just don't walk on egg shells around me." I pleaded for some sanity in my life.

"I'm sorry. I just feel helpless." He apologized.

"I understand but the last thing I want is my family treating me differently." I explained hoping he would adjust to the situation as much as possible.

He nodded. "Have you thought about what your going to do? About the baby?" Josh asked me while trying to keep me from getting upset.

"Somewhat Josh. It's not an easy decision." I sighed thinking about my limited choices and my limited time.

Josh's POV

Ever since I heard the knew about my niece last night I felt like my role as her uncle was being misused. I was battling her by taking Sabrina's side when they fought while she was going through this horrible pain. I was an asshole and so was Jamie. We made a pack not to ever let her down again. Jamie was a wreck last night, he was close to going over there and ringing Kendall's neck but I stopped him. Then he was up crying because he felt so guilty. While I did feel guilty like he did, I understood the fact that I couldn't change the past but the future was unwritten. I was going to protect my niece, my nephew and my girlfriend from any pain. There was already enough to go around for a lifetime. I wanted to help.

I nodded and was trying to think of something else to make her feel better when I noticed her guitar. "You should write the pain away." I suggested, picking up her guitar and handing it to her.

Rowan's POV

I looked at Josh holding my guitar in his hands. I was caught off guard. I took the guitar from him and looked down at it. I thought about what my uncle said write the pain away was a good suggestion. I strummed the cords slowly and looked at Josh as he smiled.

"Maybe I will." I said grabbing my notebook and a pen from my drawer.

"Good." He shook his head and headed for the door. "I'll leave you to it."

"Thanks Josh." I said looking up at him.

He smiled. "Keep your head up kid."

I sat on my bed staring at my notebook, jotting down ideas. After awhile it was coming along everything was pouring out of me. It felt really good putting my pain on paper. It's what I needed to get back to my old self. I knew it would be a long journey but for once I felt a glimmer of hope.

Sabrina's POV

I walked into the Matthew's house with Shawn following behind me. Shawn was going to do something with Cory and I had plans with Rowan. It kinda ruled having your guardian be your best friend's best friend. I walked by Josh's room before I went to Rowan's and saw him laying down. I laid down next to him, cuddling into his arms. Everything going on with Rowan made me realize how lucky I was to have Josh. I never wanted to loose him. We were both really upset over what was happening to Rowan and it made me feel so much closer to him. Just knowing how horrible some guys can be makes me really value what I have.

"I'm so lucky I have someone like you in my life." I said with my head on my boyfriend's chest.

"You're lucky? It's the other way around." He held my hand, smiling.

"I'm serious." I said sitting up and looking at his handsome smile. "I'm so happy with you Josh. The happiest I've ever felt in my entire life." I poured my heart to him.

Josh's face lit up. "I feel the same way Sabrina. I didn't know how happy I could be until now especially with everything going wrong. You're the right." I bent down to kiss his lips.

We pulled away. "I love you Joshua Gabriel Matthews. More than you could ever know." I stared at him after proclaiming my love.

His smile filled the room. "Oh Maya." Josh sat up, cupping my face. "I love you too." He kissed me softly.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Thank you for reading and there will be a new chapter soon. Please review for chapter 37 Rowan/Lucas stuff coming.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Trigger Warning**

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Sabrina's POV

I had dropped I love you on Josh and I was so nervous but hearing that he loved me back was the best feeling in the world. I was so sure of my feelings and it felt really good. We cuddled for a little longer before I went to see what Rowan was up to. I had a lot of time last night to think of something to say but there isn't anything I know much about to help her. I know being there is enough and just trying my best to help her get through it. Then supporting her and what decisions she makes about the baby and reporting Kendall. As long as she's being safe I'm going to be the most supportive friend ever because she deserves it.

"Row?" I entered her room and saw her writing in her notebook.

She looked up and half smiled. "Hey."

I walked over to her and sat down. "You're writing?" I asked her as she was holding her guitar.

Rowan nodded. "Thanks to Josh for telling me it would help." She twirled the pencil in her hand.

I was surprised. "Has it helped?" I noticed she had a lot written down.

"Yeah it has a lot actually." She smiled. "It's sorted a lot of things out in my head for me."

"Can I hear some of it?" I asked her smiling. I was so happy Josh was able to get through to her.

Josh appeared in the doorway. "I'd love to hear it too."

"Okay." She said softly and picked up the guitar.

Rowan's POV

I spent all morning working on this song. I had a lot of it in my head during the whole mess that was my relationship. It has been so hard to talk about what I was feeling inside. I think Josh reminded me of the outlet that has helped me so much. I took a deep breath and started playing.

 _I've been bruised and I've been broken, c_ _an't believe that I put up with all this pain._ _I've been used and I was choking on the promise_ _I would never fall again._

 _I used to sing to your twisted symphony._ _The words that had me trapped inside your misery, b_ _ut now I know t_ _he reason why I couldn't breathe_

 _All I want is everything you're not s_ _o go ahead and slam the door,_ _you can't shut me out_ _and no I don't, I don't care what you say_  
 _All I really, all I really want i_ _s everything you're not, e_ _verything you're not not not._

 _Your darkness was my weakness but it turns out t_ _hat it only went so deep._ _A meaningless diversion that is all that you e_ _ver meant to me._

 _and I am done with your twisted symphony._ _The words that had me sound like stolen poetry_ _I tore the pages and I can finally breathe._

 _All I want is everything you're not. S_ _o go ahead and slam the door_ _you can't shut me out a_ _nd no I don't, I don't care what you say_

 _All I really, all I really want_ _is everything you're not_ _I want a gentleman who treats me like a queen_

 _I need respect, I need love_  
 _Nothing in between_

 _I will not spell it out for you if you can't see c_ _ause you're not worthy, you don't deserve me and_ _now I'm gone_ _._

 _Everything you're not, not, not_ _Everything you're not, not, not_

 _All I want is everything you're not s_ _o go ahead and slam the door,_ _you can't shut me out_ _and no I don't, I don't care what you say_  
 _All I really, all I really want i_ _s everything you're not, e_ _verything you're not not not._

 _Never gonna break my heart again._ _Never gonna see your face again._ _Never wanna feel this way again._

Sabrina clapped her hands along with Josh. "Wow that was amazing." She hugged me tightly.

Josh came over and joined the hug. "You have a talent right there." He chuckled.

We pulled away. "Thanks guys." I smiled.

"I'm really proud of you for realizing you don't deserve what happened to you." Josh said, it made me feel nice hearing someone was proud of me when I started feeling proud of myself.

Sabrina had tears in her eyes. "I'm so glad you're okay." She hugged me again.

It meant the world to me that Sabrina and Josh liked the song. I put up with the pain caused by Kendall for too long, I lied to my friends, my family and most importantly myself. He had me trapped inside his darkness but now that I escaped, nothing can defeat me again. It took so long for me to realize my worth and now that I have I won't let myself get sucked into something like that again. Kendall broke everything in my life into so many pieces with his darkness but he can't take anything else from me again. I finally know that my life belongs to me. It's not all magically better but I'm taking my life back and that makes me feel like I can breathe again.

Josh, Sabrina and I went to the movies to get out and do something fun. I needed a night out pretty badly. I thought about inviting Lucas but I needed things not to be heavy for a night. Thankfully my parents weren't home and didn't know I left. It was great and Jamie took us to get something to eat afterwards. We didn't talk about Kendall or the baby. They didn't treat me differently, they gave me the night of normal I really wanted. I felt so grateful to them for doing so and allowing me to have sometime to think.

The next day I was greeted that morning by my lovely best friend who was bragging about Josh saying he loved her. I was so happy for her and Josh. They fit so perfect together that it warms my heart.

"So do you know what you're going to do?" Sabrina asked me wondering as she noticed my stomach growing bigger by the day.

"Not yet but I'm not pushing it away I promise." I had been thinking about my options for awhile and I knew what I wanted but I had to be sure.

"What does Jamie say?" She asked me.

"I haven't talked about the baby to him because I asked for time to think and everyone's been giving that to me." I smiled at my brother being so supportive. I didn't want to tell anyone my decision because I didn't want to be talked out of it.

"I'm on your side for what you decide." Sabrina offered all of her support.

After Sabrina left I started thinking about everything. I stared at my small bump in the mirror and put my hand on it. I knew in that moment what I wanted and what I had to do. It's not easy but I will get through it, knowing I made the best decision for myself. I laid in my bed and fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning still sure of myself. I went over to Lucas' house and I waited outside pacing back and fourth. I had to sneak out. My parents had grounded me but I needed to talk to Lucas. Jamie and Josh were helping uncle Shawn move furniture around so I knew that this was my only chance. It had been three days since I told him the truth. I hadn't seen him since and I was nervous. The door creaked open and he stood there greeting me with a hug. It felt so nice to be in the warm arms of someone who cared about me without there being fear.

"Hey, what's going on? I thought you were grounded?" Lucas asked as he pulled away.

"I am, but I had to see you." I stared in his green eyes.

He smiled softly."How did telling your parents go?" Lucas asked.

"I didn't tell them yet. There's something I need to do first." I said watching his smile fade.

"What do you need to do?" He questioned as we both walked over and sat down on the porch swing.

"I took the weekend in and thought about my decisions and I realized how much I don't want to be a mother." I took a deep breath. "The only decision that makes sense to me is getting an abortion." I looked at him for a reaction but he didn't have one.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Lucas wanted me to be sure of my decisions.

"I don't want to raise a child that was conceived in such a tragic way. A baby deserves to be born into love not this." I shook my head, trying to be-rid of the pain I felt so deeply. "This is what I want and I'm ready." I said confidently.

"I think as long as you're sure of yourself, than you're making a great decision and I'm here for you." Lucas put his arm around me.

I knew I was ready for this. I had made an appointment before I came over to Lucas' house. I had to go to the hospital and they would take care of it. I didn't need anything else. I didn't want my parents to know until it was over. I couldn't have anyone try and change my mind. I knew what I wanted and I was going to go take control over my life. It felt empowering.

What happened in that room was something I will never forget for my lifetime.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **The song is by Demi Lovato it's called Everything You're Not and it's a song that is on my writing playlist and Demi wrote that song when she was Rowan's age. I've always thought the song was really special about finding yourself and knowing your worth so I decided to include it in the chapter. I might do that sometimes with other songs I feel like fit Rowan and the story but don't worry it's not going to be all the time. (Lucas and Rowan are not going to be rushed I've seen the concerns don't worry)**


	38. Chapter 38

**Trigger warning I decided to go with abortion after I wrote the last chapter so I changed the ending if you wanna go back and reread the ending. If you don't here's what it basically is I researched stuff and since the story is set in New Jersey I will be going with those laws of there not having to be a waiting period to get an abortion like in many states.**

* * *

Lucas' POV

Rowan and I walked into the clinic she asked if I could sit in and wait with her. The doctor talked to her about how it was going to be done and made sure that she was sure. It was hard watching her be hurting so much. When it was time for her to go back into the room I stayed and waited. She was being sedated and once it kicked in I left and waited. I felt bad like her parents and should be here not me. I was happy to support her, I just didn't feel like I was doing my best. I sighed and looked in my wallet. I went up to the nurses station and I asked if I could pay for the abortion. By the time I was done so was she. I went back and saw her crying. My heart broke.

Rowan's POV

I walked outside and sat in on the curb, hugging my knees. My tear stained face was emotionless. I felt like a zombie, looked up to see Lucas standing there. I had let him come into the room, he knew what happened and he was so distraught for me. It was written all over his face. After it happened I had a panic attack in the room. It was terrifying and it wasn't something I exactly wanted Lucas to see.

"I'm so sorry Rowan." Lucas said trying to comfort me. "I know it was hard but it's over now." He added to make it seem like things would be better now.

"I know." I said not being able to make any eye contact.

It was over but it also had just begun. The pain and the loss, I felt it in the pit of my stomach. It had been about a half hour of sitting there. Lucas respected the fact that I needed time to process. My phone rang and I looked down. It was my brother, I handed the phone to Lucas. I couldn't talk right now. He asked Jamie to pick us up and he agreed, with Lucas sat next to me and we waited. I stared at my feet and placed my hand on my stomach. I shivered, feeling so cold. Jamie picked Lucas and I up from the clinic. I didn't speak a word. I got into the backseat and laid down. I overheard Lucas catching Jamie up on what happened. I couldn't talk about it. I don't know why it was so difficult for me to get out. I know I wanted this. I just didn't know it would be like this. I felt empty. I was empty. I stuck by me not wanting this baby but it didn't make it easier. The pain was bearable but the emotional pain was something I never thought about.

Jamie's POV

I felt so helpless with Rowan. I wish she would've told me she was considering abortion. I would've been by her side. Our parents should've been and I know she needs her time and space to deal with this but it's getting to be too much. My blood boiled with rage over what Kendall had done to her. He took away everything. I wasn't going to let him do anymore. What my sister did was so brave. Choosing an abortion and knowing that her decision was the right one for herself and the child that would have grown into a horrible situation. In that moment I felt so proud of my baby sister. She found the strength inside her to make such a difficult decision. She stopping running and being afraid. I picked up the medication the doctor gave Rowan and then I dropped off Lucas and I drove home. Rowan fell asleep so I carried her up into her room.

Her eyes flutter open. "I'm so sorry." I said once I tucked her in.

"It's okay." It wasn't. She was broken inside and out but it's the start of the rest of her life.

"I want you to know I think what you choose was so brave." I hugged her softly, knowing she was sore.

"It just hurts that I'll never be normal again." She sighed as I pulled away.

"You will have normal one day." I said and I meant it. "It's a rough time now but don't ever stop being you."

"I don't know Jam." She shook her head.

Rowan's POV

I didn't know what normal was and I certainly didn't know who I even was anymore. I lost too much in all of this pain that this year has become. I looked at my brother who was trying his best to make sure I was going to be okay. I was thankful for that I have supportive people in my life but I don't know if I'll be okay with anything that's happened.

"I promise you that you'll have your normal one day." He rubbed my head.

"I'll never be about to have my first time with someone I trust and love." I thought about everything Kendall took away from me and it made me feel weaker.

"You didn't loose your first time." Jamie stated sternly. "You were raped and it doesn't count. It wasn't your choice."

It wasn't my choice those words rang in my head over and over again. My brother was right and I needed to believe it.

For now on my choices had to be mine and that started with today.

Topanga's POV

I walked to my daughter's room to see if she wanted to run to the store with me. I wanted to spend more time with her she has been so distant lately. I want her to feel comfortable coming to me and Cory. I noticed she was in the shower. I started cleaning up Rowan's room, I normally don't but I knew she wasn't feeling good so I decided she would appreciate it. I went to put away a pair of socks when I felt a piece of plastic in her sock drawer. I picked it up and my eyes widened. A pregnancy test? I gulped seeing the word pregnant. No, I thought. It explained a lot of the moodiness and the skipping school because she was sick. I couldn't fathom it, she was still my baby she can't be having one. I heard the shower shut off and I put the test back, closing the sock drawer. I left her room before she walked out and I walked into my bedroom. I was pacing back and fourth wondering if I should talk to her before I talked to Cory.

"What's going on dear?" Cory asked as he entered our room.

I stopped pacing and fell onto the bed. "I'm freaking out." I sighed.

"Why?" He came over to me.

"Don't freak out." I warned him.

"I can't promise you that." He put his hands up like a goofball.

I rolled my eyes. "This is serious Cor."

"I'm sorry." He said apologizing for not taking me more serious.

I took a breath. "I found a pregnancy test in Rowan's room." I looked at Cory almost bearing tears.

He froze. "W-hat." Cory manged to say.

"I don't know anything else except it said pregnant and I think that's why she's been acting out lately." I explained to my husband who's face was still covered in shock.

"I-I don't know what to say." He was getting emotional as was I.

We both talked for awhile about what we were going to do. We were extremely angry at our daughter for being irresponsible and at ourselves for not paying close attention to her. I wanted to kick Kendall's ass for getting my baby pregnant. Cory and I were way more heartbroken than angry. The plan was to offer her support but also let her know that she was to be responsible for her child. That meant getting a job and helping support her family. It was hard for me to grasp how hard it was for me to get pregnant and loosing a baby just for her to get pregnant so young. Why is that fair and why did this have to happen. Cory and I were a wreck.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I'm sorry I've been I had to think about the future direction of this story and it takes time to plan that stuff out. Next chapter is written review if you want it.**


	39. Chapter 39

Rowan's POV

I laid in bed all day the next two days after the abortion the recovery wasn't worst than any of the pain Kendall caused me. It's crazy to say that the pain he's put me through has made my pain tolerance change completely. It was sad. I wasn't feeling the emotions the way I knew I was suppose to. It was easier to suppress them but it was harder now that most people in my life knew everything I've gone through. I knew needed them all to know. It's better for my mental health to not keep things as secrets anymore. I haven't talked to my friends or anyone besides my family since it happened. I needed a few days to disconnect. Abortion wasn't an easy thing to do. I was lucky enough to have a brother like Jamie being there for me. I need to trust him more. I was seconds from falling asleep before my parents walked in. My dad looked pissed and my mom looked heartbroken. I felt so much anxiety. I shot up and my mom went over to my sock drawer. I knew in that moment that she knew. She opened it up and grabbed the pregnancy test, that Kendall forced me to take. They both looked at me and waited for my explanation.

"I'm not pregnant." I said to ease their minds. It was true, I wasn't pregnant _anymore_.

My dad's face over came with relief but my mom was still questioning things. "Why do you have this then?" She asked me with a stern look on her face.

I sighed knowing that the truth I promised them was coming out. "This is going to be hard to hear." I warned them.

"Just talk to us honey." My dad wasn't grasping how serious things were by my warning.

"Can we go into the living room and sit down?" I asked my parents mostly out of need for my big brother's help. I didn't want to see my parents go through this and especially not alone.

They agreed and I followed them out of my room. I excused myself to the bathroom first but I was really heading to Jamie's room. I was filled with anxiety and fear at all the possibilities that could happen once let out the truth.

"Jamie?" I said after I knocked on his door and walked in. Josh must have been with Sabrina. It was good that they weren't hear they didn't need to hear every detail over again. It was too hard to take on that many peoples pain along with my own.

He looked up as I walked into the bedroom. "What's going on?" My brother asked me, seeing the emotions written on my face.

"Mom and dad found out and it's time to tell them everything." I said nervously.

He got up and put his hands on my shoulders. "You can do this." Jamie encouraged me with a sweet smile.

I shook my head as my eyes filled with water. "I don't know, I don't know." I said repeatedly, covering my eyes.

"Hey, hey no." My brother said to get my attention. He wiped a tear from my eye. "I'll be by your side but I know you won't need my help because of how strong you are."

I felt more at ease with how much my brother believed in me. If only I believed in myself as much as he did. I got a hold of my emotions and walked with him to get this over with. I was ready to do this, I kept thinking to make myself believe it.

We all sat in the living room. "What's going on Rowan?" My dad asked noticing how serious things got.

I looked at Jamie and he rubbed my back. "You got this." My brother whispered to me.

I do have this. "I'm not pregnant but I was two days ago." I said without breaking into tears. "Before you start yelling, you should know that I was raped. I didn't not choose this." I looked over at my brother and nodded my head for helping me realize.

My parents were speechless. "What?!" My dad said looking at me with watery eyes and back at my mom who was tearing up but not even able to speak.

"I'm okay." I warned them to calm their emotions. "I've seen a doctor recently and it's been hard." I paused, seeing my dad crying hurt. "But I know I'll overcome things with support. I need you guys." I let out a cry but held in the tears. I had to stay strong for my family and for myself.

My dad came over to me and held me tightly. He was shaking as was I. My mom was frozen to the couch. "I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I didn't even notice." My dad said while holding me, I felt the guilt and pain in his voice and it made me want to break down but I held myself together.

"It's okay daddy. You couldn't have known." I pulled away to see tears in my dad's eyes. I looked over at my mom she was in shock but I knew she was just processing everything. This is something no parents want to hear from their child.

"Rowan's been really strong in all of this, you both should be really proud of her." Jamie stated proudly as rubbed my shoulder. He was getting emotional too.

"What happened?" My mom said trying to understand all of this, she needed more information.

I took a deep breath. "I didn't know I was raped, he convinced me nothing happened after he drugged me." I saw my brother's face tense up just thinking about this and my dad was filled with concern. "I kept dating him and he was sweet at first but he got very violet with me and somehow I found myself thinking I was in love with a master manipulator." I gazed over at my mom who had been crying. "I got out when I found out I was pregnant, I was done but he tried to hurt me again and this time I was so scared he was going to kill me." I let out a tear and watched my dad's eyes widen. Jamie was taking deep breathes to calm down but I knew he wanted to smash a window. "I couldn't bring a child into something so ugly and scary so I took care of things." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

My mom looked up at me and she pulled me in, sobbing. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." I cried in my mother's arms and felt my dad's wrapped around us.

It was hard seeing this reaction more than anyone else. It was hard ever admitting to anything because of all the shame I did feel. My family and friends have been right there by my side helping me understand that I shouldn't feel any type of shame for what had be done to me. I knew that and I was working on it. We sat there for a long time, crying and talking then more crying and more talking. It was hours of decision making and planning what the next steps were. It was nice that they were letting me have a say in what I wanted to do. They respected that it was my decision to make. It felt good to gain control of my life. I felt proud of myself for everything after I admitted the truth to my parents out loud. I watched my parents grieve the Rowan they've know for the past fifteen years. I was still here and I was still me but it wasn't ever going to be the same. I wasn't a kid anymore I understood that and all I can do now is grow.

All of this has tested my strength and with the help of the people I care about, I can get through all of this. I had my family, my parents there to hold the pieces of me back together, to remind me of who I am. I had my big brother to protect me from anything especially my own head. I had my best friend in the whole world, Sabrina who brings a side of me out that feels the most authentic version of myself. My uncle Josh reminded me to pour my pain into art, which is so therapeutic. Then I had Lucas by my side who has been so amazing to me. He keeps me so open and honest with myself and to the people I loved. I was so lucky to have amazing support, I was lucky to have survived and I plan to keep fighting. I knew I could because I finally believed in myself and it felt great.


	40. Chapter 40

Rowan's POV

I sat in my room a few days after admitting the truth to my parents. It was a really hard week, month, months. It was all so hard but I felt stronger know with the help of my friends and family. My parents were allowing me to make my own decisions when it came to what I wanted to do. They were seeking guidance from people who specialized in sexual assault and rape. I went and saw a therapist. It was the first time I had someone that didn't know me hear my story. She told my parents and me that we need to move at the pace I was comfortable with. I still wanted to think about my next move. Sabrina walked into my room and I gave her the biggest hug. It felt good seeing her again.

"It's so good to see you." She said pulling me back into another hug. "I missed you so much.

"I missed you too." I pulled away. "I know it's been so hectic around here." We hadn't talked about the abortion but Josh told her.

"How are you feeling?" Sabrina asked with concern.

I thought about how weirdly content I was after talking to the therapist. "I'm feeling better, safe and that's a start."

Sabrina smiled. "I'm glad you're doing better." I nodded. "Are you going to report him?" She wanted to know if I made my decision yet.

Truthfully, I wanted to report Kendall but I didn't know if I was strong enough. "I don't know." I said with doubt in my mind.

She sighed. "Row, I love you but you gotta realize reporting him is the right thing to do." Sabrina paused to pick her words. "Be the voice for the woman who can't escape like you did."

"I'll take that into consideration." I promised her.

Cory's POV

It hurt seeing my baby girl in so much pain. I felt like the worst father. I raised my children to be kind and loving. I worried that because of me not warning them of all the evil in the world that I caused her to be subjected to people like Kendall. Those kind of predators look for naive girls to take advantage of. I could've warned her and I could've been more protective. I was thankful that my son watched over Rowan as closely as he did. If it wasn't for Jamie and her friends she could've fallen in deeper with that man. I knew my girl was strong for enduring all of this but she shouldn't have had to. I know I needed to accept the fact that I can't change time no matter how much I wanted to.

Topanga broke down in tears doing the dishes. "How did we let this happen Cory?" She asked me.

I held her in my arms, as her wet hands dripped on the floor. "Shh." I said to comfort her. "We didn't do anything wrong. It was the man that hurt our daughter, not us." I kissed my wife's head.

She pulled away with a teared stained face. "What are we suppose to do!" She shouted. "She won't do anything about him being free!"

My eyes softened. "I understand the frustration as much as you do honey but the therapist said to let her make that choice." I reminded Topanga the hard truth that we all had to accept.

Topanga sighed. "I know. It's just really hard not to be able to help her." She wanted to be useful.

"You are helping her. You're supporting and loving her. That's what she needs!" I tried to reason with my wife.

"You're right. I'm sorry, all of this is just so hard." She sobbed into my shoulder.

"I know it is." I held Topanga and let out a few tears.

Sabrina's POV

I didn't want to hurt my best friend more than she was already hurting but I believed so strongly in getting justice. I know she wanted to but she seemed scared. I hoped maybe my push would help her decide. I knew the rest of her family felt the same but it had to be her choice so I wasn't going to push too much. Rowan and I hung out for a couple of hours It felt normal and I knew she appreciated that.

"So how's it going with Josh?" Rowan smirked at me as I drew a flower in her song book.

I blushed. "It's really good." I didn't to gush about how happy I was.

Rowan raised her eyebrow. "Just good?" She asked.

"Okay it's been amazing but I don't want to bore you with the details." I hid my excitement.

She looked at me and sighed. "This is exactly why I didn't tell anyone the things I was going through before it all came out." I could tell she was disappointed.

"What?" I asked my best friend.

"You are treating me differently." Rowan folded her arms.

I shook my head. "I'm not." I didn't think being overly excited around her was appropriate.

Rowan took my hand. "Listen, I don't want people to walk on egg shells around me. If you're happy than I'm so excited for you." She pleaded for me to drop the act. "Nothing makes me feel better than knowing my friends and family are happy."

"I'm sorry. I won't treat you differently again but I only did it to protect your feelings." I understood and apologized.

"I know." She smiled softly.

We sat there for a second in silence. "I told Josh I loved him." I blurted out something I had been holding in.

Rowan's eyes widened. "Love?!" She had the biggest smile on her face I had not seen in the longest time.

I nodded, smiling. "I know so. I've never felt this way in my life." Every time I thought about Josh my heart fluttered.

"Wow this is big!" Rowan exclaimed.

"I know." I smiled at her.

After the week we all had Cory and Shawn went out to have a boys night but knowing them it was going to be a mushy night. Topanga and Rowan were going to have a girls night and that was great. Rowan needed some time with her mom. Josh and I decided to have some alone time finally at my house. We really didn't get much alone time with what's happened. We decided to watch romantic movies and snuggle all night. It was needed.

The first movie ended and I looked over at Josh who was laughing. "Josh?!" I laughed at him. "You don't laugh at the classic movie that is Serendipity." I found myself laughing as well.

"I'm sorry but that plot line is so cheesy and unrealistic!" He chuckled after seeing the look on my face.

"That's the point. It's so badly unrealistic that it gives you hope at the same time." I smiled and stared at his ocean blue eyes.

Josh played with my fingers. "I never pegged you as the romantic comedy movie type." He caught my stare.

I laughed. "Me either but Rowan loves them and they grew on me." I leaned my head on his neck.

"I guess they'll grow on me too." He smiled and I snuggled my head into him.

"This is so nice spending time just you and me." I told him as I kissed his lips.

He pulled away. "So nice my love." I sat up.

"I'm ready to take the next step." I felt so in love with Josh. It's crazy finding someone I love so much being so young. I was sure of myself when I'm with him. I wanted to be with him in a more intimate way.

Josh looked at me with a blank stare. "Sab I don't-"

I cut him off because I knew how he felt about the age difference. "I want to wait till I'm sixteen in a few weeks. I know you're not comfortable with doing anything before you knew I was ready." I said smiling. "After everything that happened with Rowan it taught me to be honest with myself and how I feel." I ran my fingers through his brown hair. "It feels good, falling in love with you Josh and I want to make this feeling of new love last as long as I can."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Happy Valentine's Day! I added this Josh and Sabrina scene I wrote for a couple chapters ahead since I wanted to add some love to brighten the day! I promise there will be more Lucas. Then a time jump of a few weeks.**


	41. Chapter 41

Lucas's POV

It was really hard to watch Rowan suffer through that day of her abortion. You never want to see someone you love in that much pain. I knew she needed time to grieve so I didn't want to bother her with my worrying. I know her family is there for her and she needs time to heal. I want nothing but that for her she meant the world to me. I know I've always had feelings for her romantically but this wasn't about that. I'm supporting her as a friend before anything else. I learned the hard way that only expecting more was going to cost me my best friend. I wasn't ever going to let that happen again.

My phone rang. "Hello? I answered.

"Hey Lucas." Rowan's voice rang in my ear.

I smiled. "It's so good to hear your voice."

"It's good to hear your voice too." She giggled.

It's great to hear her laugh again. "How are you doing?" I asked her, hoping she was okay.

"Better." She said and I sighed in relief. "Do you want to come over and talk about things?" Rowan asked me.

"I do but I don't have a ride." I mentioned.

"That's fine we'll pick you up." She offered and I accepted.

I couldn't wait to see her and give her a big hug. I could tell she was actually doing better by voice. It made me really happy to know.

Jamie's POV

I knocked on my sister's door and walked in to see her sitting on her bed. I wanted to make sure she was still doing okay. I know Kendall could easily still be texting or calling her and I wasn't going to let her have to go through that again. I wanted him put away so she didn't have to jump at every sound she hears, so she wouldn't be freaked out to fall asleep. It wasn't fair the things she had to suffer through that he wouldn't ever even know.

"Hey how are you feeling?" I asked my sister.

She looked up and smiled. "Better." Rowan admitted as she put her computer off to the side.

It was music to my ears. "I'm glad." I sat down. "You know I'm really proud of how you handled everything with you and mom and dad." I was so intensely proud of my sister.

She glowed. "Thank you it means a lot coming from you." Rowan leaned over and hugged me.

"You know I know that you're scared of coming forward but I think after the way you've handled everything that you're strong enough." I pleaded for her to agree.

She sighed. "Jamie I know you want that but it's my decision and it's not going to be influenced by anyone else." Rowan stood up. "This choice is mine." She explained.

"I know I'm sorry." I apologized.

She put on her jacket. "Don't be but you should know that I have made my choice." My sister looked at me. "I'm just not ready to talk about it right now."

"Okay, I understand." I stood up and pulled her into a hug. "Whatever it is, I'm not going anywhere." I assured her.

"Could you give me a ride over to Lucas?" Rowan asked me and I nodded.

Rowan's POV

I got into Jamie's car and waited for him to drive me to pick up Lucas as promised. I wanted to see him and thank him for being there for me. I needed his energy around me because I had finally chosen to report Kendall. It wasn't an easy decision but after Sabrina told me I needed to be a voice for other woman. It got me thinking and I knew she was right. If I could prevent him from never doing this again and warn other girls to get out at the first sign of abuse then it's a win. I owe that to other woman but also to myself.

I called Jamie as I sat in his car waiting. "Are you coming?" I asked once he answered.

"Yeah sorry Row. Dad needs with something I'll be down in ten minutes." He said apologetically.

"Okay I'll listen to the radio I guess." I said before hanging up.

I started the start and put on the radio. I waited a few minutes before getting frustrated. I was annoyed he made me wait in the car, I got out of the car and slammed it shut.

"Back in the car!" Kendall appeared in front of me, startling me I jumped so high. "We need to talk." He demanded as he opened the door and threw me in.

I screamed for help but no one heard me. He pushed me aside to the passengers seat and locked the doors after getting in himself. "Let me go Kendall. I'm serious." I wasn't scared anymore I was angry.

"Not until we talk about this." He pulled out of the parking lot and started driving Jamie's car.

I was so mad he was still trying to take more from me. "So talk?" I wasn't playing along anymore. There was nothing left for him to take.

"How are you doing? You and the baby?" He asked me, as he glanced over.

I looked out the window, with no emotion. "I took care of the problem." I turned back to see the look on his face.

"What are you talking about?" He asked and I didn't answer. "What are you saying to me Rowan?!" Kendall yelled with fear in his own voice.

I looked at him, confused. "I got an abortion Kendall." I wasn't scare anymore.

Kendall slammed on his breaks and his face filled with pain. "You did what?!" He was shocked.

It felt good knowing I got to take something from him.

Josh's POV

I got done my shift at work and I headed home instead of getting together with Sabrina. Instead I spent all day ignoring her calls. I was in love with Sabrina but I was so nervous about her wanting to be intimate with me. There was something that I've kept from her for a long time because I worried about people knowing. I didn't want her to be hurt by my lying. I loved her the same as I always have but I worried that she might never be able to look at me the the same ever again. I couldn't be with her that way if she didn't know the truth. I wasn't that guy and I never wanted to be. I'm too in love to walk away.

I walked into the front door and saw Jamie with my brother. "What are you doing here?" I asked Jamie, confused.

Jamie laughed. "Teaching dad how to use this dumb app."

"I don't know why it has to be so complicated." Cory said with frustration.

"No, I mean didn't you take Rowan to Lucas' house?" I asked them.

Jamie looked over at me. "Oh not yet. Speaking of Rowan, I gotta go take her." He looked at my brother. "Bye dad."

"Bye son." Cory said staring at his phone.

I stood there confused. "Rowan isn't here and neither is your car."

Cory stood up and looked at me with concern. "What is going on?" He said and Jamie pulled out his phone, calling Rowan.

"I was just downstairs taking the trash out. The car isn't there." I worried what that meant.

Kendall and my brother looked at each other and back at me. "No answer." Jamie said as he hung up the phone. I knew we all were afraid of the same thing.

I called Sabrina and Jamie called Lucas but neither of them had heard from her. It had to have been Kendall. Jamie felt so bad not keeping his eye closer on her but we all were so strict with her being alone since we found out what happened. He must have been watching the house to know the exact moment she was alone and that was so creepy.

Rowan's POV

Kendall pulled over to the side of the road and freaking out about my abortion which confused me. All it would have done was proven the pain he caused me even more. He was genuinely hurt by this.

"How could you?" He broke down into tears, it was more than surprising I was shocked.

I stared at my ex boyfriend standing in front of me weeping over something he didn't deserve to be upset about. "I didn't want this Kendall. I didn't ask for this." I explained with all the pain he caused me he didn't deserve an explanation.

He shook his head. "We could've been a family!" Kendall shouted with pain in his voice. "You, me and the baby." He smiled as the tears ran down his face.

My eyes widened. "A family? Are you crazy?" I looked into his eyes and he looked so hopeful. "Kendall you've ruined my life and expect me to want to build a family with you?" I was confused, hurt and angry.

"No." Kendall laughed with no humor. "No Rowan I know you still love me." He said in a serious voice.

I raised my eyebrow. "What?" I was disgusted that he would still believe I loved him and his behavior confused me.

"We're in love!" He exclaimed as looked at him with confusion. "We love each other and you're going to have my baby." Kendall said so calmly as if the last few minutes never happened.

That was the moment I realized that Kendall wasn't some evil guy taking advantage of a weak girl. He was mentally ill and unstable. It didn't excuse any of his actions but it explained them. I felt better knowing he couldn't help it and that it could've been anyone. I was in shock.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **It's been awhile about that I was stuck in life you know and when that happens what inspires you to write? Nothing, I hope you like this chapter and I hope you let me know what you think because it impacts the story more than you think.**


	42. Chapter 42

**Trigger warning**

* * *

Rowan's POV

Kendall was fueled with emotions that I couldn't identify. I knew he was angry and upset with my choices. I hoped he wouldn't take it out on me. We sat there for awhile, I just kept thinking about how I had missed every sign of him being ill. I figured he was an asshole because of the way he was raised but I was too brainwashed to see he was suffering himself with something a lot deeper than him. It didn't justify his actions, nothing does but it possibly could've all been prevented if he had received therapy. I wish I would've listened to Jamie about him from the start. I thought so much about my regrets I almost forgot where I was. He didn't look at me again until we pulled away and started driving. I couldn't tell where we were going and It was scary. I wasn't afraid of the pain he caused me but I was scared of is instability. I know mental illness is unpredictable. We drove for awhile until we came across this abandon bridge so far from town. Kendall got out and shut the door. I was confused but I got out to follow him. It was dark and he had taken the keys with him. He couldn't hurt me more than he's already done.

"Kendall?" I shouted from behind. "Where are you going?" I didn't want to be around him but I didn't think it was safe for him or myself to be alone out here. I knew he was dangerous to others. I caught up to him and saw he looked like he was crying. I was surprised to see this side of him that had been missing for a long time. Kendall was muttering to himself.

Kendall looked at me. "Please forgive me. I will do anything." We both knew I couldn't do that.

"Kendall, Calm down." I tried to get him to relax.

He fell to his knees and cried. "Why? Why am I like this?" He cried as I walked toward him.

It was similar to the beginning of our relationship when he would hit me and feel guilty but it was different this time. I wasn't his puppet, I was my own person and I wasn't going to let him manipulate me. "You're sick Kendall. We need to get you help." I was sympathetic but not forgiving.

Kendall looked defeated similar to how I've looked after hours of emotional distress. I recognized the pain he was in and I knew he wasn't going do anything to me. He wanted my forgiveness to end his suffering but I couldn't give that to him and he's beginning to understand that. "I don't know what to do." He repeated a few times as he rubbed his head.

"Let's go to the hospital. They'll take care of you Kendall." I asked him knowing it was a long shot.

"No!" Kendall yelled, looking at me for more answers. "I can't do that Rowan." He wanted his freedom.

I sighed. "I don't know how you can change but I know that if you don't get help you're only going to hurt more people and yourself." I pleaded for him to agree to come with me.

"You're right. I know I need to get help but I don't want to be like this." Kendall explained his guilt and fear but being locked away.

"We can't do this anymore. I deserve to be free from all of this." I teared up. "Don't you understand that?" I asked.

Kendall nodded. "I do but I don't want to loose you." He knew he was being selfish.

I felt better knowing he was actually listening and understanding me. It felt good knowing my abuser understood my pain. "You lost me a long time ago Kendall." I said honestly staring into his eyes. "But we both know that."

"Rowan-" He tried to argue.

"We need to go back home." I asked him sternly. I was ready to go home. I couldn't be here anymore. I heard what I needed and got the answers I've been wondering for a long time.

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "Please don't leave me." He begged as I saw so much fear in his face. He reached out for my hand.

"No you don't get to do that." I shook my head and stood my ground. "You can't ask me to be there for you when you caused me so much pain and fear."

He nodded in agreement. "I'm so sorry." Kendall showed remorse but it didn't make much of a difference there was too much hurt there.

"I know." It felt nice to hear.

Kendall stood up and he looked at me. "I know I can never make it better for you but you don't deserve to be afraid anymore." He said looking down.

"What do you mean?" I asked him and he saw the fear in my eyes.

Kendall stood up on the ledge of the bridge and my eyes widened. "I'm sorry for everything Rowan. I loved you but I don't deserve to be here anymore." He cried.

I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Kendall n-no" I pleaded. "Please don't do this." I didn't want this.

"Goodbye." Kendall said before he jumped over.

"Kendall!" I screamed with fear filling my lungs.

I was in shock, I ran over to the side and saw he was just gone. The time slowed down and I was sick to my stomach. My body was numb. I snapped out of it and I ran to the car to find a phone but it was locked. I was panicking, terrified I ran till I saw a car and I banged on the window and told them to call the police. I ran back to the bridge and went down the icy cold water, searching for him. I couldn't walk away and let him do this. I screamed his name for what seemed forever. I didn't love him, I didn't like him but he was a human and he needed help. The water was freezing and I was shaking. After awhile I heard sirens, my body was so cold I couldn't even feel myself being pulled out by the medics. I screamed at them that it wasn't me who needed help. They sent a search party to find Kendall. I was taken to the hospital to make sure I was alright. I was scared about loosing him. I deserved justice not to watch a man die. I wanted that chance to stick up for all the girls like me. I wanted him to have a chance to get better. Before my family could even arrive a detective came in to tell me they found his body. Just when I thought I was strong enough to handle anything that came my way life decides to break me even more.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Hey I'm still around I just wanted you all to know I didn't give up I'm going through a lot of allergy related health problems, usually in the spring and summer my allergies get bad but it's very difficult these past few weeks balancing work and being sick with the loss my my cat I had for 15 years. I will be updating everything with Rowan and Kendall are written I just have to write Maya's side and I can continue. Let me know if you have any requests for Josh and Maya I'm open to ideas :)**


	43. Chapter 43

Rowan's POV

It's been two months since Kendall took his own life. I didn't talk for two days after it happened. I was in shock from what I had witnessed and how my life got here. It was such a dark couple of weeks. I don't know how I survived it when I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. I've gotten better. Since then I've been in therapy. I won't talk to my family or friends about it and they know it. I can't express the pain to them anymore it's too much. They stopped asking me if I was okay or needed to talk which I'm thankful for. I want to put my past and my pain behind me and move on. It wasn't going to be easy but it was something I needed to do to survive. If I was going to sit here and grieve over the loss of my childhood and my sanity I would not be able to do get out of bed. I've seen too much shit and I've been through way to much hurt for a lifetime and there's nothing else that can tear me down. I wanted to live the rest of my life with no regrets. I wanted to have fun and be reckless for once. I tried following the rules and being a good girl my entire life and that got me nothing but misery. I'm ready for my next journey.

"Hey Rowan." I heard come from behind me as I walked into the kitchen, I jumped out of my skin.

I turned around and saw my best friend. "What the fuck!" I yelled.

"I'm so sorry." Sabrina said with guilt.

I was still a bit jumpy from the trauma. "It's okay." I sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal.

Sabrina joined me. "Where's Josh and Jamie?" She asked me. Lately everyone was pretty much all over the place.

I took a sip of my water bottle. "No idea. Did you hear about that party tonight?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Josh and I were talking about going but I'm not sure if he wants to." Sabrina explained.

"Oh I'm going." I informed her.

Sabrina was surprised. "Really?" I nodded in annoyced. "I guess we'll come then. Are you inviting Lucas?" She asked me.

I poured more cereal in my bowl. "I already did. He's picking me up in a couple of hours." I could tell Sabrina wanted to say something but she held back. Progress with her.

We finished eating and Sabrina went to go find Josh. I got in the shower before getting ready. I found a black dress in my closet that barely fit me anymore. It was perfect. I wanted to look hot and have fun.

Lucas' POV

I stood next to Rowan at some senior's party. I didn't expect Rowan to want to go out. She refuses to talk about that night with Kendall. We're all so worried about her but she insists she's fine. Cory and Topanga took her to see someone but she won't talk about that either. The only thing I can do, that any of us can do is make her feel normal like she asked and if that means taking her to a stupid party will make her feel better that's what we're going to do. As the party went on I went outside and called Jamie to let him know everything was going smooth. He put a lot of distance from his sister in the past couple of weeks. Jamie was feeling so guilty that he figured giving Rowan her space but making sure her friends looked after her at the same time was for the best. I went back inside and saw Rowan downing a plastic cup.

"Lucas? Wanna dance?" She asked me, slurring her words.

"Are you drunk?" I was shocked. Rowan was not the type.

"Maybe." She giggled and grabbed my arm.

We danced for awhile and it felt nice, holding her in my arms. I wanted her to be okay with everything in me.

Sabrina's POV

I stood in Josh's arms as we danced to slow music. It was kinda romantic although we were surrounded by a ton of drunk teenagers, it didn't matter. When I'm with Josh it feels like we are the only two people in the world. I pulled away and stood on my tippy toes, placing a kiss on his lips. He was so cute.

"I love you." I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

He smiled sweetly. "I love you too." Josh placed his hands on my waist.

"You know my birthday this week." I smirked at my boyfriend.

Josh nodded. "Of course. Sweet sixteen." I giggled in excitement.

He looked funny. "What?" I asked him as his face was cold.

Josh shook his head. "It's nothing." I could tell that something was going on.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" I asked him as he nodded his head.

I was noticing lately that whenever I mentioned my birthday he acted strange. I wondered if it was about having sex. I knew that I was ready to be with him but maybe he wasn't so sure of that. I understood he probably wanted to sure. I had to let him know how excited I was to take that next step with him. We went upstairs to a vacant bedroom. I sat on the bed and patted the sheets for him to join me. I could tell he was nervous and it was sweet.

"I love you Josh. You know that right?" I reassured him.

He looked into my eyes. "Of course I do Sabrina. I love you too." Josh kissed my cheek.

I looked at him. "I know that you are probably reluctant to want take the next level with me based on the way you've been acting." I said as I scanned his face. He was sweating. "Josh this wasn't just something I decided yesterday. It's something I've been thinking about for awhile." I took his hand. "I'm sure of this."

Josh's POV

Having to listen to Sabrina pour her heart out to me made me feel so guilty. I was sweating and my legs were shaking. I had to tell her about all the lies I kept this whole time. I couldn't wait any longer and ruin her birthday. She looked at me with such love and passion in her eyes. I wasn't worthy of being loved by something this kind and loving. I was terrified about telling Sabrina the truth. I couldn't lose her.

"There's something I need to tell me and once I do." I paused as her passion turned into confusion. "You'll never look at me the same ever again."

"What is to Josh?" She looked at me with such concern. I couldn't think of a word that would make this easier. "Please just tell me!" Sabrina took my hands.

I took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll tell you." I felt like throwing up. "The reason that I've been putting off having sex with you is because the last time I had sex something happened." I looked into her eyes, she sat there confused and waiting for me to explain myself. "The girl. She got pregnant." I looked away to avoid eye contact.

Sabrina's mouth dropped. "What do you mean she got pregnant?" I could hear the unpleasant tone in her voice. "You got another girl pregnant?" She wanted answers but I froze. "So what you just have a kid back in Philadelphia?" Sabrina questioned in disbelief and anger.

I stood up. "No it's more complicated than that Sab." I felt so ashamed for plenty of things but seeing the way she looked at me broke my heart.

She shook her head. "I don't believe this! How could you lie to me like that?" Sabrina's eyes watered.

"I'm sorry Sabrina." I couldn't see her hurt like this.

Sabrina's POV

I was fuming with anger. How could he do this? I was ready to be intimate with the man I loved. Josh ruined everything. He lied to me for months and let me fall in love with a man who would abandon his own child. My parents left me and he saw that aftermath. I couldn't understand something that could do that.

"Sabrina." Josh whispered. "Please let me explain." He reached for my hand.

I pulled away with disgust. "No." I stood up, looking down at him. "There is nothing for you to explain. I won't be lied to by a man that could abandon a child." A tear fell from my face.

"You and I are done."

My heart was broken.

* * *

Josh's POV

I watched the girl I love walk away from me. I couldn't explain myself and it hurt that she could think of me so negativity. I needed to think and explain everything but I had no idea where to start. I felt terrible about hiding this from her for so long but it's too painful for me to talk about it. I spent all night thinking and walked to her house at the crack of dawn. I waited till she came outside for school. She saw me and rolled her eyes as she passed by.

"Sabrina please!" I pleaded as she walks further.

"Leave me the hell alone" She stopped in her tracks. "I'm done."

I knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Listen to me please. Five minutes it's all that I'll ever ask you for." Sabrina crossed her arms.

"You got two." She looked at me with pain all over her face.

"I didn't abandon my child." I stated. My hands were shaking.

Sabrina scuffed. "Please."

"I didn't! It's complicated." I took a deep breath. "The girl that I got pregnant her name was Amy. She died." I swallowed my pain away.

"What?" Sabrina was shocked.

"She got in with the wrong crowd and using drugs. I was wasn't much better back then but she had a real problem." The pain and memories came flooding in and I held back tears. "She tried so hard to get clean for most of her pregnancy but towards the end she gave in." My eyes swelled with tears. "She went into early labor and had respiratory failure"

"What happened to your child?" Sabrina's face softened.

"My son was born early and addicted to drugs." I rubbed my eyes, trying not to breakdown.

Sabrina took my hand. "It's okay Josh. You can talk to me." Hearing her compassion gave me strength.

"He was so tiny but so beautiful and he was a fighter." I cried. "We picked out the name Julian months before he was born." I looked at Sabrina, seeing tears streaming down her face. "He made it four weeks but he was just not strong enough." Those words I said to her have echoed my mind from the moment the doctor broke the news to me.

Sabrina pulled me into her arms as I cried on her shoulder.


	44. Chapter 44

Sabrina's POV

My heart broke for Josh. Losing a child, I couldn't fathom the type of strength it takes to keep going after something like that. I couldn't believe everything he's gone through and all by himself. I knew he was still hurting. It was so much pain to handle for one person. It must run in the family, dealing with things and not wanting help. I wish he had told me sooner but it didn't change anything. I still love this boy with everything in me. I might even love him more for opening his heart to me. I'm so proud of him and his strength. He means everything to me.

We ditched school that day. I figured it was the last thing he needed right now. I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to get to know this side of him that I had no idea existed. We went up to my room and laid there, talking about everything.

"Did you love her? Amy?" I wondered as we laid in each other's arms.

Josh paused. "I had love for her before and after everything that happened between us but I was never madly in love with her." He said cupping my hand.

"How do you know the difference between loving her and being in love with her?" I asked curiously.

"I didn't know until I fell in love with you." Josh kissed my head.

I smiled softly. "You know I don't think anything less of you because of your past right?" I reassured him. "I love you for who you've become."

He nodded. "You don't know how good that makes me feel." We smiled.

I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you." I kissed his lips.

"I love you too." He rubbed my cheek with his thumb and smiled as he leaned back in and kissed me.

Rowan's POV

I opened my eyes to the bright beaming sunlight in my eyes and the pounding pain in my head. How much did I drink last night. I pulled the pillow over my eyes. I didn't even remember most of last night but I knew I needed water. My throat was so dry. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, realizing I wasn't in my own bed. I screamed in fear. My whole body was shaking. My heart was beating so fast.

"Rowan are you okay?" Lucas asked as he ran out of the bathroom half dressed. I couldn't speak. "Row? It's just me you're okay. It's okay." He sat down next to me after seeing the fear in my eyes. "Here. Drink this and you'll feel better." Lucas handed me a bottle of water.

I grabbed it with my shaky hands and took the longest sip. "Lucas." I cried.

"Hey it's okay Row. Nothing happened last night I promise you." Lucas said but I was still shaking. "You got really drunk and I didn't think you would want your parents to see you in that shape." He explained to me.

I started to calm down. "I'm sorry. It's just not waking up in my own bed scared me." I took a deep breath.

He nodded. "I should've realized it might freak you out. I'm sorry." Lucas grabbed a bottle of advil and handed me two pills. "By the way I slept on the couch if you were worried about that."

I took the medicine and grabbed my phone. "Where do my parents think I am?" I asked Lucas.

"At Sabrina's. I had her text them last night." Lucas stood up and grabbed a shirt.

I sighed. "Sabrina knows?" I didn't want her to know any of this. She's going to want to talk about it.

"Yeah sorry. I panicked when you were passed out in the grass at the party last night. I had to call an uber." Lucas was clearly mad at me. I understood why he was.

"Well thanks for what you did last night." I felt bad having to burden him like this.

"I'd do anything for you Rowan and you know that." He said before walking into the bathroom.

I got up and threw my hair in a messy bun as I fought the urge to throw up. I grabbed my stuff and left.

I felt so depressed and empty. I hadn't felt this low in awhile. I thought I could move on. I thought I was moving on but I don't know anymore. I was in so much pain inside. I felt like I was alone. I was, no one understood my pain. I know my friends want to be there for me and I know they're listening to me but they don't understand my pain. The things I've gone through. It's hard to talk about it with people when they just can't understand.

Lucas's POV

I walked out of the bathroom two minutes after getting dressed for school and noticed that Rowan was gone. I felt so stupid. I should've kept a better eye on her. I sighed and dialed Jamie's number.

"Hey Jamie. She just left. It was my mistake. I took my eye off of her for a minute. I'm sorry." I informed Rowan's older brother.

"Okay thanks for letting me know and taking care of my sister last night. It's great she has a friend like you looking after her." Jamie said appreciative. "Don't worry about her leaving. It's fine."

"Of course. Thanks for trusting me." I hung up and finished getting ready for school.

It was hard lying to Rowan. She didn't deserve to be lied to but I had to for her own good. I know if she finds out she might not speak to me anymore but her brother needed to know. She's not going to get better if she's keeping secrets and not dealing with the trauma she's been through this year. I wanted nothing more to see my friend again. I missed the bubbly girl I once knew. I know that she's never going to be that girl again but she's not this girl either. I wanted to help her find who she is now. We all want to protect her and it hurts seeing her in so much pain but I wasn't going to let her keep running away from her trauma.

Rowan's POV

I walked halfway to school before I saw my brothers car drive up next to me. I gulped as he rolled down the window to tell me to get in. I opened the door I got in and knew I was in big trouble. I sat there for a minute in silence waiting for him to yell at me but he didn't. It was nice. We drove quietly home. I was confused but I got out of the car and ran up to my room and got changed for school. The house was empty so clearly my parents didn't know what went on last night. I threw on black pants and a blue hoodie. I was back in the car ten minutes later. Still no yelling.

"Here." Jamie handed me a coffee from starbucks and a bagel. "You're going to need it."

I took it. "Thanks." This was different.

We drove to school and as we pulled up I went to get out but my brother stopped me. "Wait a second Rowan."

"What?" I asked my brother as his face softened.

"I know you're going through hell right now Row but you can't shut us out." Jamie said with teary eyes. "It's okay what you did last night. No one is judging you. We're just worried about you. We love you and no matter what we will be here for you when you're ready."

I nodded. "Thank you." A tear rolled down my face. I wiped it quickly and got out of the car.

I wanted to say more to my brother but my mind was so screwed up right now I couldn't. I felt so broken inside and I didn't know how to fix it.


	45. Chapter 45

Josh's POV

It was the best feeling to have everything off my chest and having Sabrina be there for me. She's the most special girl in the whole wide. I felt so lucky that she choice to love me. I intended on doing everything I can to make her feel as loved as she has made me feel today. I wanted her to know how much I her unconditional love and kindness means to me.

"It means everything to me that you've accepted me for me." I said with tears in my eyes as I held Sabrina's hands. "I've been in very a dark place for a long time and you've always been a light in all of it Sabrina."

She smiled through tears. "You have no idea how happy I am to be that person for you." I wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry I could never give you all of me." I looked into her soft, beautiful, big blue eyes. "I was so weighed down with my pain and my secrets. I felt so heavy." I explained to my girlfriend as she nodded her head. "That conversation we had this morning was one of the hardest things I've ever had to say." I exhaled. "It's not easy for me to open up like that. I've gone through a lot in my life and I never had anyone to share my pain with before."

"Josh I want to be that person you share everything with. The good, the bad and everything in between." She said as she looked into my eyes and kissed me.

I kissed her and couldn't stop smiling. "Suddenly I don't feel so heavy anymore." She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder.

Sabrina's POV

It was a really intense day but I was so happy to finally emotionally connect with Josh on that level. He was finally trusting me that way I trusted him when he was there for me after my mom left. It's going to make us so much stronger. My heart ached for and seeing him be in pain but I was so happy he saw me as his light in the hardest times. I felt that way about him. After Josh left I walked into the kitchen to find Shawn waiting for me.

"When did you get home?" I asked him, realizing he probably knew I skipped school.

"A few minutes ago." He pulled the chair out for me to sit down with him. "So do you want to tell me why I got a call from Cory saying you weren't in school today?"

I sat down and sighed. "Do you trust me?" I asked him.

"You know I do kiddo." Shawn looked at me.

"Then please don't ask me why." I looked at him and I could tell he saw all the emotions going through in my head all over my face. "I needed today it wasn't about me but it was more important than anything else."

Shawn nodded. ""I get it you get a pass this one time but don't let it happen again." He patted my back.

"It won't I promise." It was a great feeling that Shawn trusted me at my word. That kind of trust is something I never want to lose.

"Hungry?" He smiled, holding up a take out menu.

"Please! I'm starving." I laughed.

"Okay but over dinner we have to discuss your birthday plans." Shawn reminded me.

A big smile appeared on my face. Things were really falling into place in my life and I was so happy.

Jamie's POV

I waited so long in the parking lot after school for my sister but she didn't show. I drove home after a while and decided to wait for her there. I didn't want to overwhelm her but I was running out of things to say. I've tried so hard to be there for her but I didn't know how to help her. I wish I did. My mind was racing. I sat on the couch as Josh walked in.

"Hey man." Josh says at he sits down next to me. "Where is everyone?"

I shrugged. "Hey are you alright?" I asked him knowing he missed school.

He nodded. "Yeah nothing to worry about I needed a day to figure out some stuff with Sabrina." I noticed he didn't really want to talk about it.

"Have you seen Rowan?" I asked him to change the subject.

"No I haven't. How is she doing?" Josh questioned me.

"Not good." I sighed as Josh looked at me with concern. "I feel like we're losing her." I said honestly.

"She's dealing with so much Jamie but she's still Rowan." Josh looked at me. "We'll get her back."

It was scaring me, the thought of losing her. There was already so much of her gone from what Kendall did to her but I couldn't watch her completely disappear. I missed my baby sister.

Rowan's POV

I sat outside on the cold bench across from my house with no jacket in February. I spent all night walking around till my feet hurt. I didn't want to be there with my family. I couldn't take another day pretending to be happy when I was miserable. It's exhausting to pretend when all you want to do is lay in bed. I didn't want to be constantly asked about how I'm doing when no one understands when I tell them how empty I feel.

"Hey." Josh said softly as he sat down next to me. I didn't expect to see him here of all people.

"Hi." I replied with no emotion.

He looked over at me. "Aren't you freezing out here?" I could tell he was concerned. "It's dark. Please come inside." Josh pleaded.

"I'm fine." I turned my head away.

"Talk to me please?" He asked with worry in his voice. "You can't shut everyone out."

I exhaled deeply. "No one understands Josh." I shivered, Josh took off his jacket it and handed it to me. "Thanks." I put it on.

"I know it's hard to talk about it but I'm a really good listener." I looked at Josh as he tried to make an effort to find out what was going on with me.

"I feel empty." I looked at my uncle. "I know the decisions I've made were right for me. The abortion was necessary and I don't regret it." I said sternly. "But I feel like I lost something and I can't fathom that pain because I chose this." I held back tears.

Josh's face softened. "You're grieving." He looked at me with pain in his eyes.

"Grieving? How can I grieve something I chose? How can I be allowed to grieve?" I asked as the tears fell from my face.

"It doesn't matter if it was your choice Row." He reached out for my hand and held it to comfort me. "Grief is losing someone and you lost something." Josh explained. "It's okay to be sad about it." He validated my feelings.

"How do I move on from this?" I asked him as the tears flowed down my face.

"You can't escape grief but you can get stronger and it'll get easier." Josh put his arm around me. "You will get through this."

"I don't think I can. This pain is unbearable." I felt so weak.

"You know I can't imagine the pain you're dealing with from everything you were put through this past year." He looked at me. "I know what losing a child is like and it's the worst pain you can't even imagine." I looked at my uncle's face as tears fell. "I know that you weren't sure about keeping the baby but you still lost something and beyond just that."

"You lost a baby?" My heart fell.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you especially after your abortion I wasn't ready but I am now. You're not alone in your pain Rowan." He explained to me.

I couldn't believe Josh had a baby. That he lost a baby. He knew what I was going through. I realized I had someone I wasn't alone anymore.


	46. Chapter 46

Rowan's POV

Josh and I talked for awhile about his son. I felt so horrible for him. It was dark what he went through. I knew what darkness can do to you. I didn't want to keep losing myself. It really gave me some perspective on the world. We all have pain in our lives. Some worse that other but pain is pain. I didn't want this pain to consume me anymore. I wanted to get better for myself and for my family. I know things will never be the way it was before Kendall came into my life but I wanted to take my life back.

"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting." I apologized to Josh. "I'm going to try harder."

He shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for." My uncle squeezed my hand. "We all understand."

"Do you think I have the ability to live a normal life as a regular teenager again?" I asked him, wondering if it was even possible.

He pondered. "No probably not the way you want to." Josh said honestly, I looked down. "When you go through hell and make it back on the other side you gain life experience that ages you way beyond the rest of of your peers." He was right. "You can do so much good with your experience and pain."

"I don't want it to be like this." I sighed, thinking about how much I wanted to be normal.

"I know you don't but you have to take those experiences and use it to help other girls who have been in your position." Josh looked at me with hope.

"I can hardly talk to you about this how could I help anyone?" I asked him, not understanding how he can see so much potential in me that I didn't.

"How did you feel when I told you about Julian?" He asked me. I knew it wasn't easy for him to say that.

"I felt like you understood me. I felt like I wasn't alone anymore." I stated, everything clicked.

"Exactly. My pain and my story helped you feel something." Josh smiled at me. "If I can do that for you imagine what you could do for other girls."

I didn't know if I was brave enough to tell my story but Josh believing in me meant a lot. I wanted to help other girls.

Sabrina's POV

I walked downstairs on the morning of my sixteenth birthday. I wasn't expecting anything but Shawn making us breakfast but as I walked into the kitchen I saw my best friend sitting with my boyfriend at the kitchen table. I smiled big and saw a ton of food from waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage and the stack of pancakes on the table and Shawn came from behind me with balloons and a few wrapped gifts. This was all I wanted. I could almost cry at the sight I was seeing. I walked towards them and they all greeted me with so much love.

"Happy Birthday Sabrina!" Rowan said with a huge smile on her face as she hugged me tightly.

"Thank you." I nearly choked up seeing her smile. Seeing Rowan smile was the best gift I could ever receive. She still smiles but not that famous smile she gave when she was so happy and excited. It was like she was a kid on Christmas morning when you saw her smile like this. I missed this so much.

She let go and before I could turn around Josh gave me the biggest hug. "Happy Birthday pretty girl." He let me go and smiled before kissing me, passionately.

"Alright enough of that." Shawn chuckled as he interrupted our kiss. "Happy Birthday Sabrina." He gave me a hug. I felt so loved.

I put the gifts in the living room and we all sat down to eat the giant breakfast and then I got ready for a small party. It wasn't anything big, just the people important to me.

"How's being sixteen feel? What's it like?" Rowan asked with a giggle, handing me the present she picked out for me.

I smiled sweetly. "It's great." I unwrapped the gift and opened the small periwinkle box.

It was two heart necklaces, best friend necklaces.

I looked at her softly. "I'll never take this off. I love it." I pulled my best friend in for a big hug.

"I'm so glad you love it." She pulled away. "I'm going to do better Sabrina. You don't have to worry anymore." There were a couple tears in her eyes.

I wiped away her tears. " I will always worry about you. That's apart of being best friends." I took her necklace and she turned around so I could put it on her and she did the same for me. "We are in this together. All of us and we'll be here for each other in the good and the bad times."

"That makes me feel so good." We smiled.

Josh came over and asked me for a dance. We put on some music and danced although no one else was dancing we really didn't care. I loved that about him. He didn't care what anyone else thought. We could be so genuinely ourselves with one another. I loved this boy.

"I have something special for you." He whispered in my ear, softly.

"What?" I asked, excited and anxious.

"Come with me." He took my hand and lead me to my room.

"Tell me already!" I laughed.

"Close your eyes." He asks, I closed my eyes and waited. "Okay open."

Josh stood in front of me with a guitar. "I wrote you a song." He started playing as my heart flooded with so much love.

 _"Take my hands tonight._ _We can run so far._ _We can change the world to anything we want._ _We can talk for hours just staring at the stars._ _They shine down to show us._ _That you know when the sun forgets to shine._ _I'll be there to hold you through the night, a_ _nd we'll be running so fast we can fly tonight, a_ _nd even when we're miles and miles apart._ _You're still holding all of my heart_ _I promise it will never be dark_ _I know we're inseparable."_

I watched my boyfriend sing to me these beautiful lyrics that he wrote for me. I was in disbelief and I couldn't stop crying and smiling at the same time.

 _"I would give it up t_ _o never let you fall b_ _ecause you know we're inseparable._ _I would give it all j_ _ust to show you I'm in love, y_ _eah you know we're inseparable t_ _hat you know when the sun forgets to shine._ _I'll be there to hold you through the night a_ _nd we'll be running so fast we can fly tonight a_ _nd even when we're miles and miles apart._  
 _You're still holding all of my heart_ _I promise it will never be dark._ _I know we're inseparable"_

"Josh I don't know what to say." I was speechless.

He removed the guitar and put it on the bed. "I love you Sabrina and I hope you know how deeply I care about you." He reached his hands out for me.

"Of course I do." I took his hands and pulled him up, we kissed. "I love you."

My Birthday was great. Josh's song was the most special thing I've ever gotten and I'm so happy. Today made up for so many bad ones. Rowan always did things for me for my birthday but I never got to have a birthday party like this one. The kind of birthday where you feel special not just to my best friend but to so many people I love. I got to spend the day happy with my self made family. My best friends, my boyfriend and Shawn. That's what mattered to me. It's everything I wanted but a part of me was in pain knowing my mom was out there knowing what today is and didn't even pick up the phone. That will be a hole that I will always have in my life. I didn't let it ruin my day.

* * *

 **Author's Note: This song is by the jonas brothers**


	47. Chapter 47

**Author's Notes:**

 **Review if you want the next chapter. They motivate me!**

* * *

Rowan's POV

The party for Sabrina was going pretty great. It was nice Shawn let me help last second. It would've been a terrible thing to miss and I would have never forgave myself. Sabrina was really enjoying herself and that made me so happy. I haven't felt this good in so long that I forgot what it was like to be happy. I didn't care if I felt like shit tomorrow or next week but being genuinely happy in this moment was everything to me. It felt so nice to be gathered all together in a happy occasion. It had been so long since we all could celebrate something together without myself getting into the way. I spent most of the night with my parents. They were so giddy to see me participating. I wanted to spend more time with them. I owed so much to them and they love me so much. They're my rocks and I wouldn't be here without them.

"Having fun honey?" My dad asked me, sipping his drink as he looked over at my mom.

"Yeah I actually am for once." I laughed, they didn't.

My mom looked at me, proud. "That warms my heart sweetie." She smiled and pulled me into a hug.

"What about me?" My dad shouted, feeling left out.

We laughed. "Come on big baby." My mom opened her arm pulled us both into a big hug.

"Can't breath." I struggled to say as my mom's arm was cutting off my oxygen.

"Sorry!" She laughed as she let go. "I love you baby." She stroked my hair.

"I love you too. The both of you." I smiled at them.

"What about me?" Shawn asked as he came from behind us and gave my dad a nuggie.

"Hey! Watch the hair!" My dad demanded, Shawn rolled his eyes.

"I love all of you." I giggled, hugging my uncle Shawn.

"It's good to see you doing better Row." Shawn said, he turned to my dad. "It's time for cake."

"Oh yay!" My dad said with excitement. "I love cake." They went off and my mom followed to make sure no one gets hurt.

I looked around for Lucas but I didn't see him yet. I knew that he was here somewhere.

"Hey Row are you doing okay?" Jamie asked me as he took the seat our dad was just sitting in before he went to help Shawn with the cake.

I nodded. "I actually wanted to talk to you." I hadn't seen him since my talk with Josh. There was so much to say.

"What about?" Jamie asked, wondering what I had to say to him.

"Our last conversation I didn't say everything that I wanted to say. I was too caught up in my own mind and I want to continue that." I said feeling relieved already.

"Okay what is it?" He nodded. I could tell he was excited to see me even having a conversation with him that he wasn't cornering me to have.

"I wanted to say thank you for never judging me. I know looking after me hasn't been easy lately but you never stopped trying." I pulled my brother in for a hug. "I wouldn't have gotten through anything without your help."

"I'm so happy to hear that." Jamie pulled away, teary eyed. "I'm so proud of you Rowan." He kissed my head. "It'll be okay. You have the biggest support system ever."

"I know." I looked up at my big brother. "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say you're proud of me."

"I've always been proud of you Rowan. You make me proud everyday." Jamie said, making me more emotional. "It means the world to me that you're opening up." He smiled at me.

"I will try to keep being as open as I can be. It's not easy but I know it's what I need to do for myself and my relationships with my family and friends." I said to my brother, I was so thankful.

Sabrina came downstairs with Josh. I went over to them after I finished talking to my brother.

"Can I steal Josh for a minute?" I asked Sabrina.

"Take him. I'm going to find Shawn to see if the cake is ready." We hugged and parted ways.

"What's up?" Josh asked me.

"I really need to thank you for what you said to me the other night. You have no idea how much you helped me." I thanked my uncle.

"That's amazing Rowan." He said, happily knowing that he got through to me.

"I was thinking about what you said about my story helping other girls like how your story helped me." I said as he nodded. "There's so many people in the world going through the things I have and they don't have the people that I do in their lives. I feel so bad for them. I've gone through hell and I'm standing here because of the people in my life." I smiled. "I knew that you were right. I have to help other people with the pain I have experienced for the girls that don't have the people in their lives that I do."

We both smiled. "I'm beyond glad that you've gotten to this place but don't credit me for all of it. You are once fucking brave girl and I'm so proud to see you overcome all that pain." He hugged me.

Shawn yelled for everyone that the cake was ready. Sabrina was so happy. We sang happy birthday to her. She blew out her candles. It was beautiful seeing her so loved and all of us as one big family. I was thankful to have these people in my life.

* * *

After we all got cake I noticed Lucas sitting alone. He looked like he wasn't having the best time. It was my fault. I knew he was hanging back on the couch not to make me uncomfortable. I knew him so well. I felt bad about ditching him the other day when all he wanted was to help me. Lucas was such a loyal friend. I knew I owed so many people apologies for my behavior but he was on the top of the list but somehow he was the last to get one.

"Are you thinking about Lucas?" Sabrina stood next to me, questioning why I was staring at Lucas.

I laughed. "Yeah. I owe him an apology." I missed him too.

"I don't buy it." She said bluntly. I looked at her, confused. "I know you have feelings for him don't you?." Sabrina grinned at me.

"No!" My eyes widened. "Sabrina I just got out of a really bad relationship." I shook my head. "That is the last thing on my mind."

"It's okay to move on Rowan." She placed her arm on my shoulder to comfort me. "You can trust Lucas and he loves you." She encouraged me.

I walked over to Lucas and sat down. He glanced over at me and then back at his feet. I placed with my hands to calm my nerves. I knew I had to break the ice and talk to him.

"Hey." I said awkwardly, hoping he would be happy to see me.

He looked over at me. "Hey. It's good to see you." Lucas kept it short knowing that I was easily annoyed lately. I couldn't blame him.

I sighed, feeling guilty for everything I put him through. "Lucas." I searched for the right words.

"What's going on?" He asked me. His face full of confusion.

"There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how." I looked at this boy who saved me countless times.

He put his hand out for me, I took it. "You do know how. It's just me and you know you can say anything to me." He rubbed my hand.

I felt safe.

"I'm sorry. I haven't been treating you right." I tucked my hair behind my ears, finding the courage to be honest with him.

"It's okay Rowan." He said in support but it wasn't okay. Lucas did so much for me and I should've treated him better. I'm so glad I finally realized.

"No it's not okay." I paused, anxiety filled my body. "It's been really hard dealing with all the pain and I took that out on the people that love me the most."

"No one is blaming you for it Rowan." He said watching the emotion on my face. I nodded my head and we sat there for a moment.

I took a deep breath and let go of the anxiety. "You've always been there for me Lucas." I stated, looking at him for reassurance. "You've always cared and even when we weren't friends, when we weren't speaking, you still were there for me." My eyes watered, his face softened. "You saw me before anyone else did." I looked into his eyes as a smile formed on his handsome face. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to see you."


End file.
